Mark made me so mad this morning. I got up first, and for breakfast I had my leftover sweet and sour chicken from last night. I was still tired, so I went back to bed. In the meantime, he had gotten up and was watching television downstairs. When I got out of bed for the second time and grabbed the remote control to change channels, he said "Did you wash your hands first?". I thought, WHAT THE? No explanation, no anything, just said like I was a child who needed to be reminded to wash their hands for some reason. So, I got pissed. It was THEN, AFTER I said "What the?" and made it clear I was mad, that he said that he had gotten up and the remote control was sticky from sweet and sour sauce and he'd had to wash it. Couldn't he have explained himself FIRST?

That just led to a bigger and bigger "fight/discussion", with me going back to bed and ignoring him while he was standing above me, still talking, being the "martyr".

He then started to work out, and I went downstairs to watch television again. I decided to take a diet pill - and HARDLY made any noise at all. I just took the bottle out of my purse, grabbed 2 pills, already had a glass of water, and swallowed them. No "shaking of the bottle"....nothing. He flew down the stairs and demanded to know what I'd taken, and if it was Seroquel. Yes, I took Seroquel yesterday and slept a lot, but I was bored, I guess? I didn't overdose, I just wanted to sleep. Anyways, he then informed me the next time I took Seroquel and slept during the day, he was going to call my doctor and tell him what I was doing. Fine, whatever. Go ahead - do it. So once AGAIN, I was pissed.

He's been complaining all day, and I'm really not listening - I'm just tuning out. Maybe it's the Seroquel from yesterday, but I only took 400mg - it's not like I took 8 or 9 pills.

We went to the "corner store" because he was out of soda, and he acted "all sweet" to this blond girl behind the counter, VERY uncharacteristic of him. He never even makes eye contact with people! She acted a bit smitten herself. I've only been there once when she was there, and she gave me the cold shoulder, glaring at my designer purse, but today, with him, she was being overly nice to me, saying "so how is your day going so far?", etc. He used his "soft voice" to her, which he only uses to ME! I didn't say anything to him...I didn't want to act like a kook, but she's just started working there, and I'm going to keep my eyes open. I don't remember this EVER happening before...is it because we just got married that I'm seeing this and I'm insecure?

Later on, a fight/discussion later about I don't know what, I said "are you just wanting to break up or something?". Yes, I'm back to that. Thinking we're just going to break up.

Getting married has really pushed me backwards by years in our relationship as far as being emotionally secure, and I have no idea why that is? Maybe it really hasn't, and I would be feeling and acting like this regardless. There's no way to know.

I DO know that I am FAT. I'm over 135 now, and who knows, I could be close to 140 when I weigh again.

I'm going to join a new gym and start eating properly once more. With my flex schedule for work, I have no excuse not to go the gym.

Maybe that's part of my insecurity....

I have quite a "Seroquel hangover" today....