Shuffling Along
Friday, May 30, 2008
At this very moment, I feel like logging in to World of Warcraft (not too strongly, though) to play for the FUN of it, and not the socialization part. I haven't felt that way in forever.
However, a big part of myself won't allow me to logon. My brain can't even "trick" itself like it usually does in some form to logon, even for a few minutes.
I'm still thinking in terms of "the next time I logon" instead of never logging on again, but I'm trying to take it day by day. I just know that I won't, at least I'll try, to not log on TODAY. Isn't that how people with addictions are taught to do? Take it one day at a time so it's not so overwhelming?
It feels good not to think about and worry about what my online friend might be thinking and doing, because I'm just not there to care. I'm sure he's wondering where I am, but at this moment, I don't care.
I reached out to an old friend yesterday, apologizing for being such a horrible friend these last few months, saying I'd love to get together, how I'd been addicted to a game, and how much I missed her. She said I should know that she would always be there for me, and asked me to call her around 6:00p last night. Well, Mark was going to a retirement party after work last night and I was going to be home alone, and REALLY didn't want the temptation to logon to WoW. I took 400mg of Seroquel so I'd go to bed right after I was doing working and asked if I could call her tomorrow (which is today). I don't know if she's responded - I haven't checked my work email yet. Was that rude of me? I want to start hanging out with her - with ANYONE - to keep myself from getting bored and logging in to that stupid game!
Work is crazy busy again - good thing I'm not playing WoW. However, yesterday I just sat there and stared at the computer screen, thinking about WoW all day. The withdrawal effects are THAT BAD. I do seem better today.
We'll find out - going to work now. And it's been 38 hours since I've played WoW? I think?
However, a big part of myself won't allow me to logon. My brain can't even "trick" itself like it usually does in some form to logon, even for a few minutes.
I'm still thinking in terms of "the next time I logon" instead of never logging on again, but I'm trying to take it day by day. I just know that I won't, at least I'll try, to not log on TODAY. Isn't that how people with addictions are taught to do? Take it one day at a time so it's not so overwhelming?
It feels good not to think about and worry about what my online friend might be thinking and doing, because I'm just not there to care. I'm sure he's wondering where I am, but at this moment, I don't care.
I reached out to an old friend yesterday, apologizing for being such a horrible friend these last few months, saying I'd love to get together, how I'd been addicted to a game, and how much I missed her. She said I should know that she would always be there for me, and asked me to call her around 6:00p last night. Well, Mark was going to a retirement party after work last night and I was going to be home alone, and REALLY didn't want the temptation to logon to WoW. I took 400mg of Seroquel so I'd go to bed right after I was doing working and asked if I could call her tomorrow (which is today). I don't know if she's responded - I haven't checked my work email yet. Was that rude of me? I want to start hanging out with her - with ANYONE - to keep myself from getting bored and logging in to that stupid game!
Work is crazy busy again - good thing I'm not playing WoW. However, yesterday I just sat there and stared at the computer screen, thinking about WoW all day. The withdrawal effects are THAT BAD. I do seem better today.
We'll find out - going to work now. And it's been 38 hours since I've played WoW? I think?
KansasSunflower @ 6:55 AM
2 People Cared Enough to Say the Very Best:
I know all about addictions. I am fighting the deisre to get some Swedish fish and icecream right now. Why? It'll only lead to me purging.
You're on the right track - one moment at a time. I couldn't handle an entire day.
I can sooo relate to this. lol I stopped playing World of Warcraft not long ago myself and it IS a struggle to try not to renew my subscription and log on. I have to just keep reminding myself that I like the extra time I have now and then remind myself what it is that I want to accomplish with that time. No the least of which is actually starting my blog on here!
Good luck!
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