When I left the class, I checked my iphone, and Mark had texted that HE was at church! I couldn't believe it! He hates that church, but for some reason, while I was in my LifeGroup, he showered, got dressed, and decided to meet me. I thought wow...we're actually in synch spiritually, at least we're both searching for answers and more in our lives at the same time.
I've felt so much better turning to God in the past few weeks, but I find myself slipping and dwelling on things I can't change, and once I get mad, I can't get over it.
Here's what happened, I'll try not to make it too long and boring. Mark was a partner in his own company, along with 3 other guys about 5 years ago. The President (Mark was the CTO) didn't pay taxes for several years, was the only one in the company who had his signature at the bank and check writing privileges on behalf of the company, and eluded the other partners from seeing anything financial about the company. One of the partners hired an attorney because he didn't trust the President of the company, and not to make this story too long, he was voted out by the majority. No one knew about the taxes yet. YET.
To make it worse, the president was also Mark's best friend at the time, and Mark stood by him no matter what he was told.
After he was kicked out, a CPA came in and found out that the former partner hadn't paid taxes and over $35k was owed, and he hadn't been paying rent on their space either. AND, while he wasn't paying the partners because he said there wasn't enough money, he was making large withdrawals for family vacations, etc. No one knew, but this other partner was suspicious, rightfully so.
So Mark filled out document after document to the IRS, everything they wanted he did, every question they asked, he answered truthfully. This was forever ago, the IRS has never contacted us.
Now Mark has been taking this new medication for ADD and is suddenly feeling more social, and he created a Facebook page and decided to add him as a friend. As soon as he did, he got what I would consider a "blackmail" email from the former president.
It said that the IRS contacted him and told him he owed $118,000 in taxes for the company, and he has a payment plan of $3000/month. (Wow! Those penalty fees can really add up fast!)
So the guy had a tax attorney, had worked with the IRS, and no one contacted us, even though the IRS knows exactly where we live, everything about us. They've decided he's responsible. Mark has nothing to hide.
His "blackmail letter" said that if each of the partners would call his IRS agent and arrange to send $25,000 apiece, he wouldn't turn them in as each of them were responsible. It makes me CRAZY just to think about it! Like he hasn't already tried this? Like he didn't tell his tax attorney and the IRS agent that he had 3 other partners? Of COURSE he did! He's such a weasel, what do you expect from someone who took large amounts of cash while others weren't getting paid, and we were within days of going into foreclosure at the time.
I found a link to this game show he had been on, Family Game Night or something like that that aired this month. At the end of the show, his family won $20,000. Are you freaking kidding me?? Does the IRS know about that? I was so mad that I actually wanted Mark to press charges against him for blackmail. I wanted to send him, his wife, anyone nasty emails, but I knew they could be used against us and Mark begged me not to contact them, just cut all Facebook, LinkedIn, and any other ties to him. Mark of course unfriended him immediately.
I mean, how weird would that be, calling an IRS agent out of the blue and telling them you were sending them $25,000 when they hadn't asked for it from you and had already determined who was responsible. Mark said a document he had attached showed they had put some sort of lien on everything he owns, not quite sure what that means, but Mark said it's very, very bad.
I'm sad for his wife and kids, he screwed up and they are paying the price. But to blackmail my husband, who had considered him at one time his best friend? Who, until then, had made excuses for him no matter what I said? He no longer does, but he doesn't seem mad about it at all.
I've discovered that when people cross some sort of line in my mind, I'm not forgiving at all. I don't know at what point that is, but it happens and it doesn't go away. Maybe it's a sort of self-protection, to make sure it never happens again. I can't forgive my mother, I don't have the least bit of remorse about my dad, and don't see myself ever forgiving this guy either. I think it's when someone INTENTIONALLY tries to hurt me, not just once but numerous times, to me or to someone I love, I actually want to get back, I want to get even, but I think that would lead to emptiness, I wouldn't feel any better making that person miserable. What happened still happened, that will never change.
All I can do is pray about it, but it's so HARD. It's HARD for me to pray for those 3 people. Right now I don't wish them well at all, what kind of person does that make me? Vengeful? What kind of Christian am I that I can't let go? Life isn't always fair, people don't always do the right thing, but this guy always professed to be this great Christian, sharing his faith with everyone, what does it MEAN? That he's a hypocrite? No one is perfect, but most people know right from wrong.
Blah, I typed way too much about that, it's just that it's on my mind and creates a lot of anxiety and anger in me when I think about it, which is often.
I don't feel good about school AT ALL, but I suppose that's my fault. I haven't been practicing at home. I don't know what it will take to get me motivated, but I need to find a way - and fast. I did spend an hour with a teacher who has written a book about Test Anxiety for Court Reporters who gave me great tips and her book, so I'm hoping that will help. I think I might be able to pass the speed tests if I wouldn't freeze when they start. My fingers literally will not move where they should when the teacher says "Alright, begin", and then starts dictating the test to us. Without knowing it's a test, I do okay, but the minute she says it's a test, I panic. If doing well in school freaks me out so much, why can't I take the extra time and practice at home? I only have 3 weeks left before a 2 week break, but that's depressing. I don't think I can pass 2 speed tests in that time to move up to the next level.
Medication. I'm taking my normal stuff - Geoden, Zonegran, Lamictal and Klonipin along with Unisom to sleep. Forget adding in anything else, my last episode and severe reaction with Saphris makes me not want to try anything new. I hate being bipolar, but it's become a way of life for me. I take meds at night, it's just so normal. Was it ever any other way? It seems like it's been like this my whole life, but of course it hasn't been. I feel pretty good except for dwelling on people who have crossed me, so maybe I should count my blessings.
Chrismas shopping, ack. I'm doing it all online again this year.