My Dad died of natural causes my Aunt told me. He had been in the hospital I guess for his leg, he almost lost it because it wouldn't heal (he had diabetes). Then his blood pressure was very low and they had him on medications, but his kidneys started to fail. They took him off of the medications, and apparently his blood pressure went back up and his kidneys started functioning. So they wanted to put him back on the medications and he checked himself out of the hospital without consent from the doctor. I knew NOTHING about this because we weren't speaking.
To make things worse, apparently his wife had just EVICTED him from the house, actually got a court order and had him evicted. My aunt and his other daughter and his ex wife and found him an apartment and moved him into it. He's legally blind, has a bad back and has diabetes, so he didn't work, he was on disability. He also has major mental health issues, and I was very relieved he hadn't taken his own life. My aunt said they found him a cute apartment with people just like him in the complex.
Apparently he died from a blood clot. They found him in the closet, he had been on the phone (dialing someone, I suppose, not actually on the phone with anyone), and I guess he fell out of the chair into the closet. The police found him when they searched his apartment for him.
So now it's all so complicated. His body is at the morgue, but his wife, who is not his ex-wife, has authority over him, instead of his daughters. She has the rights to everything, to say exactly what happens to him, over anyone. She called my sister and my aunt crying, telling them a different story than what he had told them, and you know, who is to say what is the right story, there are two sides to every story. My sister was much much closer to him than I was, so I'm not getting involved, I'll let them work it out between them, if there is anything to work out, if my sister will even be involved. For all I know, I could be paying for a funeral, how do I even know? I hate this waiting, waiting, I can't book a flight yet, I don't know when to go to Denver, I don't know anything. Everything is so in limbo, I can't make any plans.
Any my relationship with my sister (half sister) is complicated too. I don't know her very well either, and the last time we spoke was many years ago. She wanted me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I told her I would, but when it came to getting measured for the dress, I just couldn't, I felt too fat, so I didn't. So when I put it off, she said it was okay, just pick out a red dress. I didn't do that either, and rightfully so, she got really mad and said something like "you know, messing up someone's wedding is really fucked up", and I said something like "I guess we'll never be close". I was the person in the wrong, so how can I just pick up the phone and call her? I'm afraid she'll still be mad at me, not want to talk to me, whatever, and that will just make things worse. I probably should just call her, but I don't know, I'm just...scared.
I guess the hardest thing is that we weren't even talking when he died. I had cut off communication from him, but I did leave it open and told him if he wanted to have a relationship with me that didn't involve politics then to pick up the phone and call me. He never did. We just had a political-email relationship really. And when our politics started to clash, he couldn't deal with it. When we agreed, it was great, but when I started veering from what he believed, he saw me as a traitor and was so very angry and spiteful to me.
But apparently he had a great relationship with my sister, they talked on the phone often I guess, they saw each other (they both lived in Denver), but we never had that kind of relationship, we never even lived in the same city except for the first 2 years of my life.
I guess I never really knew my Dad. My Aunt was going on and on about the good things about him, and I was thinking....what did I really know about him?
Even though, I knew enough about him that I'm upset, I've shut myself down, I can't comprehend things. Last night Mark was laughing hysterically at a website and I thought, can anyone be more unsympathetic than that? I guess I can't expect the whole world to grieve with me, everyone can't be sad just because I am.