It is so freaking embarrassing to go the the doctor and fill out all the new patient forms, list all of your medications (all 500 of them), and list that you're "bipolar". Then I always feel that nurses and doctors look at me weird at first, like they're trying to figure out if I'm going to freak out on them or not. It could be all in my head, I don't know. I went to the second ear doctor and he questioned me about my illness, asking if I was stable. I should have acted like a lunatic and said "What do you mean, stable?". Of course I'm stable! And if I weren't, what would an ENT doctor do about that exactly? I was there for my hearing, it's not like he was going to prescribe me medication, I don't understand why that question was relevant, except to make him look important, that he knew I could be "stable or unstable". I mean really, what could he have done with that information?
I have sinus surgery on Friday, that's what I got out of going to get my hearing checked, besides finding out I have mild to moderate hearing loss. It's not life or death surgery, more a comfort of living thing. I went back and forth about whether to do this or not, but in the end, I knew that next time I got a sinus infection and a bad headache, which is all the time, I would kick myself for not having it done, so I decided to move forward. My surgery is scheduled for 12:30 in the freaking afternoon, so I have to be there at 11:00. That means I can't eat or drink all morning before I go to the surgery center. I was hoping for an earlier time. I can eat and drink up until 3:00am, so Mark and I plan to stay up that late on Thursday/Friday and go to IHOP or somewhere and have breakfast. It was his idea. He's so regimented about his sleep, I was really surprised when he suggested it. Sounds fun, though. : )
We're still going to counseling, our marriage has its up and downs. Mostly ups, but sometimes intense downs. We're still trying to figure each other out, after 14 years! We go to counseling once a month now, our next appointment is after Thanksgiving. It's like going to your teacher and getting your report card - how did you do last month? Did you follow what we decided to do last time? It's hard work, I don't look forward to going to her and saying "No, I didn't", and hearing how I'm not showing Mark love in the way he needs it. So I do what we decide in counseling and have avoided it, not sure if I've done all we talked about this time. Seems last time I was the only one to walk away with "to-do's". She tried to get me to name something about Mark I would like changed, and he looked at me with a face that dared me to think of something, but at that moment I really couldn't think of anything. He's tried to change in every way that I've asked him to, I had nothing to say. But for me? He said there were already so many things that I was working on, he thought it was unfair to give me more. That made me mad. So he wants to keep changing me into something I'm not? Supposedly there are a lot of things that he has kept bottled up for years and years, especially with me being sick, and she's trying to get him to tell me what they are, but seriously? Yes, I want him (us) to be happy, so I keep going to counseling and keep doing what we decide to do. I HATE marriage counseling though. Don't get me wrong, our marriage has greatly improved from it, but I hate going.
I guess I'm progressing in school. Seems like I am. I need to put more work into it. Don't know when I'll pass 120 and be in 140. Hopefully next quarter, I really hope so!
Christmas is coming up too, yuck. That means time to buy presents for Mark's ungrateful nieces and nephew. I don't know why they have that rule in his family that we only buy presents for the kids, so that means Mark and I buy presents and receive none. I guess because the parents of the kids (his sister, mainly), can't afford to by everyone presents, just their kids. So that leaves them with only 3 kids to buy presents for that don't belong to them. I'm not saying I want a bunch of junk from people that hardly know me, but it's the thought that counts, you know? And there's no thought about us. Mark and I, we are just expected to give, give, give, without a thought from his brothers and sister about how we might feel about it - that we're giving presents to their kids without them so much as sending us a thank you card. That just seems so selfish to me, but maybe I am the one that seems selfish, I don't know.