Approaching Holidays

Oh, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving.  I love the holiday, but hate meeting up with the people.  This year, like every year, we're going to Mark's parents the day after Thanksgiving.  I like his family "okay" except for his sister.  His sister is making me question if I'm actually going to go.  We got into a pretty big fight this year which led me to "unfriending" her on Facebook, and she got very upset about that.  I never did anything about it, and now it's Thanksgiving, and here we are.  The only person I've really talked to about it is my hairstylist (don't we tend to tell our hairstylist everything?), and he suggested sending her a message so it wouldn't be so awkward.  I told Mark and he wasn't so sure, he's not a big fan of his sister's either.  The thing is, I'm not sorry, I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't want to apologize, and I wouldn't have to.  I could just say, let's put this behind us or something, right?  I unfriended her, I kind of feel it's my place to mend the relationship.  Only...if we didn't have to see each other, I wouldn't want to.  In real life, I would NEVER be friends with her; actually, I'm not friends with her in family life either.  But then again, how many people are friends with their family anyway?  I know some are, but those are the lucky minority.

It is so freaking embarrassing to go the the doctor and fill out all the new patient forms, list all of your medications (all 500 of them), and list that you're "bipolar".  Then I always feel that nurses and doctors look at me weird at first, like they're trying to figure out if I'm going to freak out on them or not.  It could be all in my head, I don't know.  I went to the second ear doctor and he questioned me about my illness, asking if I was stable.  I should have acted like a lunatic and said "What do you mean, stable?".  Of course I'm stable!  And if I weren't, what would an ENT doctor do about that exactly?  I was there for my hearing, it's not like he was going to prescribe me medication, I don't understand why that question was relevant, except to make him look important, that he knew I could be "stable or unstable".  I mean really, what could he have done with that information?

I have sinus surgery on Friday, that's what I got out of going to get my hearing checked, besides finding out I have mild to moderate hearing loss.  It's not life or death surgery, more a comfort of living thing.  I went back and forth about whether to do this or not, but in the end, I knew that next time I got a sinus infection and a bad headache, which is all the time, I would kick myself for not having it done, so I decided to move forward.  My surgery is scheduled for 12:30 in the freaking afternoon, so I have to be there at 11:00.  That means I can't eat or drink all morning before I go to the surgery center.  I was hoping for an earlier time.  I can eat and drink up until 3:00am, so Mark and I plan to stay up that late on Thursday/Friday and go to IHOP or somewhere and have breakfast.  It was his idea.  He's so regimented about his sleep, I was really surprised when he suggested it.  Sounds fun, though. : )

We're still going to counseling, our marriage has its up and downs.  Mostly ups, but sometimes intense downs.  We're still trying to figure each other out, after 14 years!  We go to counseling once a month now, our next appointment is after Thanksgiving.  It's like going to your teacher and getting your report card - how did you do last month?  Did you follow what we decided to do last time?  It's hard work, I don't look forward to going to her and saying "No, I didn't", and hearing how I'm not showing Mark love in the way he needs it.  So I do what we decide in counseling and have avoided it, not sure if I've done all we talked about this time.  Seems last time I was the only one to walk away with "to-do's".  She tried to get me to name something about Mark I would like changed, and he looked at me with a face that dared me to think of something, but at that moment I really couldn't think of anything.  He's tried to change in every way that I've asked him to, I had nothing to say.  But for me?  He said there were already so many things that I was working on, he thought it was unfair to give me more.  That made me mad.  So he wants to keep changing me into something I'm not?  Supposedly there are a lot of things that he has kept bottled up for years and years, especially with me being sick, and she's trying to get him to tell me what they are, but seriously?  Yes, I want him (us) to be happy, so I keep going to counseling and keep doing what we decide to do.  I HATE marriage counseling though.  Don't get me wrong, our marriage has greatly improved from it, but I hate going.

I guess I'm progressing in school.  Seems like I am.  I need to put more work into it.  Don't know when I'll pass 120 and be in 140.  Hopefully next quarter, I really hope so! 

Christmas is coming up too, yuck.  That means time to buy presents for Mark's ungrateful nieces and nephew.  I don't know why they have that rule in his family that we only buy presents for the kids, so that means Mark and I buy presents and receive none.  I guess because the parents of the kids (his sister, mainly), can't afford to by everyone presents, just their kids.  So that leaves them with only 3 kids to buy presents for that don't belong to them.  I'm not saying I want a bunch of junk from people that hardly know me, but it's the thought that counts, you know?  And there's no thought about us.  Mark and I, we are just expected to give, give, give, without a thought from his brothers and sister about how we might feel about it - that we're giving presents to their kids without them so much as sending us a thank you card.  That just seems so selfish to me, but maybe I am the one that seems selfish, I don't know.

1 comment:

Bipolar Alcoholic :-))-: said...

I hear ya on the whole having to deal with in-laws, and a sister-in-law I'd rather not ever see. I'll make you feel better by telling you about my sister-in-law...she has 4 kids with 3 different men and has been on and off drugs her whole life. She has custody of her kids right now, but I don't believe she deserves it. She lives at home with her parents in a house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and 10 people living in it. She will not get a job and would rather live off welfare, while her current husband lives off disability. We've had fights, I just choose not to associate with her. Damn holidays!

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