Surgery and Bipolar Venting

My sinus surgery was this afternoon (well, technically yesterday afternoon,), and it went well except for waking up in a lot of pain.  I didn't think it would ever go away.  The nurse called the anesthesiologist to see what more she could give me for pain, but it didn't help.  They finally called Mark to the recovery room, and he convinced me to eat something so I could take pain pills.  That eventually helped.  I've been fine ever since, but have been taking hydrocodone as soon as it's time to take the next dosage.  Even though I'm not in pain, I don't want to start.  When I was being released, the only wheelchair available at the time was a bariatric wheelchair.  Oh my gosh!  I slid over to one side of it, and both Mark and I could have easily fit together in it.  The nurse wheeled me up to the double sliding doors, and it fit just perfectly to go between both doors.  The nurse said there are people who have to squeeze to get into the wheelchair!  Suddenly I didn't feel so bad about my weight - ha!  When we were waiting for Mark, she was telling me that some adult patients wake up in recovery, talking in a childlike voice, saying "I want my Mommy/Daddy."  I mean, I know you're out of it, but come on, let's not be freaky.  I woke up saying "Oh my God, I'm in so much pain!", at least that's the first thing I remember.  Who knows the real first thing I said.  I'm pretty certain it wasn't "I want my Mommy/Daddy." 

I won't know if the surgery was successful until I've gone for a period of time without a sinus infection, which can be very, very often.!  When I get up tomorrow morning, I'm not taking any more hydrocodone  unless I start feeling pain again.  I know this is very boring entry, just recording it for future reference. 

I use my blog a lot to remember what happened to me and when.  I don't have a good memory, and I don't know why that is, if it's all the psychiatric drugs I've taken over the years or what the issue is.  I haven't discussed this with my psychiatrist because really, what can he do?  He can't bring my memories back or make my memory any better.  I always tell Mark that HE is my memory.  He tells me things all the time that happened to us that I simply can not recall.  It's a freakish feeling, and it makes me sad knowing there are all of these things that happened to me that I've forgotten.  Or I guess, perhaps, Mark has a freakishly good memory, and it makes me seem forgetful, not not short term, but long term. 

I can stress ENOUGH how much I hate telling nurses and doctors that I have bipolar disorder.  I would say "anybody", but I don't tell "anybody", just when it's required for me to tell someone.  No one knows except for Mark and people in the medical field that have to know for whatever reason.  Sometimes they will ask what medications I'm taking before I'm forced to tell them I'm bipolar, and they jump to the conclusion that I'm epileptic.  I don't want to be epileptic, but it doesn't have the stigma that being biplar does. 

I watched Shutter Island a few days ago, and it was really on my mind for awhile.  It's like I don't want to believe he was a psychiatric patient, he really was a Marshall.  And it reinforced what I've always known - if I were to witness a crime or have to testify about anything that happened in court, it would come up that I am bipolar - mentally ill - and my testimoy would lose credibility.  I don't know if this is true in all states, but I know in some states, if you've ever been involutarily commited to a psychiatric institution, you're not allowed to purchase a firearm.  Yes, I've been in a psychiatric institution, but I checked myself in.  Are people not allowed to have a moment of weakness, a time when your illness overtakes you, and then you get better?  I find it to be highly discriminatory.  Just because you were in some place like that ONCE doesn't mean you'll be that way forever.  Or that it will happen again.  What about other issues?  Being convicted for domestic abuse?  Assault?  Why are they able to purchase firearms?  They've proven to society that they are violent.  Someone commited to a psychiatric unit doesn't mean they have.  Sure, they might have, but that's assuming.  People who have committed violent misdemeanors have already proven that they're violent.  "But that's not fair" they would say.  And this is?  Why is society so discriminatory against people who are mentally ill?  Maybe because those that are highly functional do not tell people about their disease, so the only ones you hear about on the news, etc., are the ones who lost it, who "went off their meds" as they like to say.  Can't people just simply be psychopaths or sociopaths without it being blamed on that?  There really are bad people in the world. 

Guess I'll go back to bed and try to fall asleep again.  Mark had stopped snoring for a few weeks, but now it's back.  As far as I know, when nothing else works, the surgery snorers get is the one I just had.  I really wouldn't wish it on him.  I can suffer through snoring.  I *am* going to record it one day though, just so he can see how bad it really is. For example, I'm downstairs right now, and he's upstairs with the bedroom door shut, and I can faintly hear him snoring.  And I have hearing loss!

1 comment:

Bipolar Alcoholic :-))-: said...

I think one of the reasons people have a stigma against the mentally ill is because there are so many unknowns when it comes to the human brain and what it can do and make us "crazies" do. ;-)

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