Worst Ever Doctor Visit (for me)

My appointment at the ENT went so much worse than I ever could have imagined.

The ENT cleaned my ears out, and commented that the wax in them couldn't have been causing me much hearing loss, and sent me to the audiologist.  I then went through an extensive hearing test, but the weird thing was, my ears were ringing so loudly that I could hardly hear the sounds above the ringing.  The audiologist said several times "raise your hand even if you just THINK you hear a tone", and I kept saying okay, okay, like I didn't hear him the first or second time he said that? and I knew he must have been sending me tones through the earphones because there were long pauses when I didn't hear anything.

So finally the test was over, and I told him it was hard to hear anything over the loud ringing in my ears.  He asked if my ears rang very often, and I don't really know, it's never that silent around me as it was in that booth. 

So he showed me the test, and said I have mild to moderate hearing loss, permanent loss in both ears.  I didn't have much to say, what do you say to that?  But then he started talking about hearing aids, and I was just SHOCKED.  I said "hearing aids, WHAT?"  And he said "but you told me you couldn't hear..." and I said "but we're having a conversation right now?"  I just couldn't imagine wearing hearing aids!  I mean, hearing aids??  Seriously?  So he said "your insurance covers them", but no, that wasn't the problem - the cost!  That never entered my mind for a second!  It was me - actually wearing hearing aids!  I guess my reaction was less than pleasant, I'm sure he's had patients that cried because they wanted hearing aids and couldn't afford them, I don't know, but he told me to think about it, and if I wanted to make an appointment with him to come back with someone (why do I need to bring someone?), and gave me his card. 

So the ENT.  He examined my sinuses, and I had told him I get about 6 sinus infections a year, even after having sinus surgery about 10 years ago, and after his examination decided I have turbinate hypertrophy and chronic sinusitis, and wants to schedule me for surgery.  I was like WHAT?  And then everything happened so fast - scheduling for the CAT scan, the surgery, everything.  I was just in shock, I didn't have time to process everything - I just went from one room to the other nodding and being polite, answering questions, signing forms, being handed packets of information.

I guess if I'm cured of sinus infections, that would be great.  Yay.  Kind of hard to be excited right now.  I have permanent hearing loss.  Explains so much, why I can't hear so many things that other people can. 

You know how it makes me feel?  Old.  Losing my hearing, hearing aids, the whole thing.  He doesn't know how it happened, he doesn't know if it will get worse, just to make sure to come in yearly to get my hearing checked from now on. 

I wish I had my Dad to talk to right now.  He was legally blind, so maybe he could understand how I feel - losing your hearing versus losing your sight.  But it's not like I lost it overnight, so I don't know what I'm missing, does that make sense?  I don't know if hearing aids would help me, but Mark said "of course they would".  Would they?  I would only know by trying them, but if I don't try them, then I don't know what I don't know.

I don't want to rely on little devices on my ears to hear.  I just got Lasik a few years ago and got rid of my glasses, this seems SO much worse.


tabbiecat66 said...

Try to think of it positively, i wouldnt want hearing aids either, but i do want to hear things, im always saying huh, like 5x , i cant hear people and im always saying its them. Maybe you just get one, the worse ear. It cant hurt.And i know its how the individual feels but its not like its cancer and you have to wear an appliance, its a little bitty thing in your ear. If it will help you, then try and get over those feelings its bringing you. And be careful with the sinus surgery, i know some that had it and still got sinus infections all the time. Just make sure you are ready and not just going along with the md. hes not god lol, best of luck. Let me know!

Counselor CEUs said...

ughhh- sounds like a challenging experience. Hang in there!!

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