Found Family Members!

The coolest thing happened to me!  I haven't talked to anyone on my mom's side of the family since I was about 16 or so, when I moved out, so maybe 25 years.  One of my cousins has been looking for me for several years, and when my Dad died, she found his online obituary matching his last name (my maiden name) with my new married name, she found me on Facebook and voila, I'm now connected to a part of my family that I've missed out on for decades!  I have all of these childhood memories of these people, and great to see that they have such good hearts.  The strange thing is - not one of them has mentioned my mother - not one of them, not even once.  No one has said, "So how is your mother?", or if they do NOT know where she is, "Where is your mother?"  So if she said horrible things about me, they aren't saying.  It's more likely that she wrote them off and she wants nothing to do with them, and they know exactly where she is.  I don't care, it's just awesome that they were actually looking for me, and now I have all of these family members that I didn't have before!

I got an A in the only class I'm taking at school this quarter!  It's only one class, but it's 3 hours a day, Monday - Friday.  I took a smaller course load this quarter because this was my first quarter at the new school and academics had started the week before I began.  Starting in January, I'll have an extra class.  I used to have so much leisure time, now I find myself with very little since I started my new job.  I'm still in training, but it's almost over, and I have no idea how busy I'll be once I start.  I'm thinking the more busy, the better, because that would mean the more money I'd make.  And that would mean the better I would feel about contributing to the household, and how much more self-sufficient I would feel, which is very important to me.  But I can't work too much, I need my main focus to be on school.  That's the whole idea of getting a part time job, and especially one where I can make my own hours.

Mark and I have good days in counseling, and we have had a few bad days in counseling.  In our last counseling session, it went well.  The session was partially focused on just Mark, with her asking if he'd considered coming in by himself.  She keeps saying he's going through an "exostential crisis", but whatever it is, it makes him unhappy with life in general.  He's not necessarily depressed, but he's unhappy, how do I explain the difference?  Unfulfilled, perhaps?  Maybe he IS depressed, I'm not a therapist or psychiatrist.

It's December the 16th, and we still have no plans for Christmas, none whatsoever.  We have hardly talked about it, just about what we do NOT want to do.  I'm afraid we'll decide to go to his parent's house at the last minute, and then be scrambling for children's gifts at the last minute.  I'll have no idea what to get them at that point.  I'm pretty much over the gift giving thing, I don't care anymore, but now Mark is pretty dead set against spending the money.  It would make quite a statement to go to his parent's house without gifts for the kids, and that's a statement I'm not prepared to make.  It's just...the people with 3 kids have to buy 2 gifts, the people with 2 kids have to buy 3 gifts, and people with no kids have to buy 5 gifts, and we don't buy cheap gifts.  The parents give us nothing in return, barely a nod of acknowledgement of the gift we gave their children.  It's just EXPECTED of us.  Who wants to give a gift like that?  Okay, maybe I'm not completely over the gift giving thing, but I don't mind just doing it and getting it over with to get through Christmas in peace.

I'd been feeling really lonely this year around the holidays, like I have no family that's close to me, because, well, I actually don't, so reconnecting with family members has been a wonderful Christmas gift.  It's really brightened up my mood! 



Kristy said...

I'm with you about those presents to those kids. We stopped this year giving gifts to out great neices and nephews because we never get a thank-you card or thank you. Or a xmas card from there parents.

The Bipolar Diva said...

wonderful news!

Anonymous said...

congrats on your A, and awesome that you have some new found family that sounds really nice.

what existential crisis essentially boils down to is, mark's wondering what he's doing on this planet. it's the whole "what is the meaning of life, specifically, my life - what am i here for, what am i doing? what should i be doing? who am i?" basically, why do i exist? a lot of times, the beginning of our life consists of struggling to get through near term challenges and drama (getting through school, getting s job, keeping a job, securing food, paying the bills, etc etc etc) and once we are in a comfortable place where we're relatively stable and no longer worried about all that stuff our minds naturally wander to the next set of questions - what am i doing here? so it sounds like the therapist wants to work with him on finding himself. who is he, what are his passions, what is the next thing that would fulfill him. if he were on his deathbed looking back, what would he want to see were his accomplishments? what would he want people to say about him? good luck with all this and hope you have a great holiday season! you deserve to be happy :)

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