It Takes Money!

So when Mark and I went to marriage counseling last August, one of his complaints was that he didn't think I made an effort to make myself pretty for him.  Those are my words, I don't know his exact words.

So now I'm doing all of these girly things, which I LOVE to do but didn't really have a lot of self confidence back then and wasn't doing them because I was overweight.  I've now lost over 30 pounds and it's been a huge ego boost.  PLUS, I want to make my man happy and adore me once again, so I'm primping as much as possible, which again, doesn't a normal girl love to do anyway?  And he DOES adore me once again, he tells me all the time how pretty I am, how skinny I am, but whatever, I still need to lose more weight.

So I had my individual lash mishap last weekend (see last post).  My next endeavor involved a red rash I have on my face, and I went to the dermatologist today to get it looked at.  I have some sort of dermatitis, and she gave me two prescriptions for it.  Well, while I was at the dermatologist, I thought I'd take advantage of it.  I bought some anti-aging skin care products, and snagged a prescription for Latisse.  Well, of course skin care products at a dermatologist aren't going to be CHEAP, I'd say they were double what they are at the cosmetic counter, just in my experience.  Hey - I COULD have gotten Botox while I was there! 

So I called Mark on the way home because he wanted to know what my diagnosis was, and as I was telling him I bought some products, he was checking the account balance online and he was like "What did you BUY?" 

So see, what the heck does he want?  Does he want a wife that primps and takes care of herself, which, by the way, if done properly costs mucho moola, and I'm not even getting to the plastic surgeon yet for lipo and boobs.  I'm just trying to give him what he ASKED FOR. 

When we went to counseling, we had to list our "needs", 1 - 10, and his #3 "need" was to have an attractive wife.  Yes, NUMBER THREE.  Think of all the needs you could have from your partner, and that was his #3.  So yes, I take this pretty damned seriously.  Not that I don't enjoy it.  Of COURSE I do.  I'm a freaking girly girl! 

I'm not mad and think like some girls think "your man should love you for who you are, no matter if you've gained weight, what you look like, etc.".  You know what I think?  I think that's bullcrap.  If you love your man, you'll take care of yourself so he knows you care about him and want to look good for him.  Even the marriage counselor said she has a lot of men who come to see her because their wives have gained weight or aren't taking care of themselves and they're no longer attracted to them and they don't know what to do, and she said meanwhile their wives are sitting at home thinking "la-dee-da, everything is going great between us", having no clue that their husband is struggling with not feeling in love with them anymore and being disgusted by their weight.  Our marriage counselor handed me hard cold slap in the face because I WAS one of those girls who thought that way, then she dealt me a slice of reality.  But what she said was so true.  Women marry men hoping they'll change, and men marry women hoping they won't.  Sadly, neither happens.

So, back to my story.  Mark isn't happy with all of my spending of money on my appearance, yet he wasn't happy when I wasn't spending money on my appearance.  I mean WHAT?  What the hell does he want?  If he wants a trophy wife (which I'll never be, but I can aspire) then that costs MONEY.   He can't have cheap and fantastic at the same time.  I think I need to go back to where I had my own spending account for clothes and primping items.

You know what?  I'm going to bring this up in the next marriage counseling session.  He can't have it both ways. 

4 comments:

Jen Daisybee said...

Hi, I don't mean to disagree with you on your own blog, but I really think it is ridiculous for women to think they have to transform themselves to make men happy, and this generally makes the women miserable because they are trying to attain a standard of beauty that comes out of Photoshopped images, and is not based in reality. The average woman wears a size 12, but you wouldn't know that whem models are all size 2 in magazines. I just heard on the news the other day that the diet industry is raking in 60 Billion Dollars a year, because so many women are obsessed with being thin enough to be considered attractive. I know that this bothers me more than it might bother you because I almost died of Anorexia Nervosa when I was younger so this is a subject I care about. Incidentally, when my boyfriend left me four years ago because I had gained weight from my medications due to Schizoaffective Disorder which requires those medications, well it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Eventually I realized what a selfish, heartless, asshole my boyfriend had been.

KansasSunflower said...

Oh - I actually agree with you! My point was that "men expect women not to change" was what my counselor said, and I, too, had gained a lot of weight from medication. For some reason, it left my husband feeling unloved, although I couldn't have helped it at the time. But he has typically beenmy biggest cheerleader, I couldn't let my marriage fall apart, so I did something about it, which is what my counselor said to do anyway. I changed my weight gaining meds and lost weight to save my marriage, but for me, too. It built up my self confidence. I'm not trying to be a size 0, or look like a model, just trying to get back to the "old me", which I haven't been in a long time. : ) An improved version would be even better!

Bipolar Alcoholic :-))-: said...

It does take money to be beautiful! He needs to accept that...I like going and getting pedicures and manicures, but I haven't done it for a couple years because it's not a priority and it costs money. I try to primp but it requires the right "equipment". You should bring it up at the next counseling meeting and ask him does he want to save money or have a beautiful wife! ha!

Meg said...

I'm concerned that you are going to be SOL as you guys get older. He will find a younger, better version of you if that is so important to him - no matter what you do. Also, what will happen to you if you become disabled or get cancer and lose your hair and appearance? Will he leave you? I'm surprised your counselor does not work with you guys on developing a more mature bond that will rise above the physical rather than encouraging you to be fit for him. I say be fit for you and be ready for when he leaves you. The writing is on the wall unless he matures a good deal.

I think you deserve better.

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