Younger Men - I Love Being a Girl!

It's so good to be back "in the world" again!  I started back at school this week, and I was nervous and dreading it at first because I had been home for about six weeks, but now I'm totally loving it.  I just can NOT sit at home without stimulation!  I told our marriage counselor about it, and she told me I sounded just like the women who come to see her who stay at home with their small children all day.  REALLY?  THAT is what it's like?  I would go INSANE!

I guess my appearance has changed dramatically, because I keep getting comments on it.  Yes, Mark has been telling me how great I look, but that's my husband, not that I don't trust what he says, he won't tell me I look good if I don't.  But when people notice things you've changed and like it and take the time to tell you about it?  That's really amazing.  I have changed a lot, I suppose.  I've lost over 40 pounds now, my hair is so much lighter, I get spray tans every few days, I have a completely new wardrobe, and this sounds crazy, but I actually get compliments on my silly lashes from Latisse!  I don't even think they're noticeable, but people ask me how I got them so long.  I keep thinking maybe it's because I changed mascaras recently, but they swear it's not.  Maybe I'm becoming a good sales rep for Latisse?  It has inflated my ego just a bit to keep hearing how great I look.  I mean, wouldn't anybody's?  I don't really feel I look THAT good.  I can think of a million things that are wrong with me that I need to fix.  And I intend to fix them! 

I went to lunch after school with two girls that are about my same age and I've always thought they were kind of prissy.  They always wear full faces of makeup to school, hair fully done, 4 inch heels, etc.  But now *I* got go school with makeup, dressed better, hair done, manicures, pedicures, not the 4 inch heels though, that's a bit ridiculous for me for school.  I used to roll out of bed, put my hair up, throw on clothes, and go to school, I thought it was just school, who cared what I looked like?  But it was important to Mark for me to take better care of my appearance, and our counselor made sure I knew how important it was to men, to husbands, so I took their words very seriously and have applied them.

I haven't been out with "the girls" for years, since I was laid off in 2008.  I was surprised at the reaction we got at the restaurant.  The thing is, I didn't even notice it, I don't see things they saw because I'm not a single girl, I''m not "scoping out" places when I walk in somewhere.  But they're both single, so I think they probably look around everywhere they go for people and see who is there and what they are doing.  I go somewhere, focused, and don't notice people around me.  So yes, men were paying attention to us, but I never would have recognized it if someone wouldn't have told me.

But the weird thing was this.  One of my friends can only attract men who around 25, the other seems to attract men who are about 30, and of course Mark is mid-30's.  So we were talking about younger men, and we had no idea our younger male waiter was listening.  Towards the end of our lunch, he made a comment to one of my friends, after apologizing for eavesdropping, how he liked "more mature women", but I thought "whatever, he just wants a bigger tip", and probably rolled my eyes and we ignored him.  But then we each paid and he brought our change and had already tipped him and he knew it, and then he stood there and gave us probably a three or four minute speech about how he liked older women and why.  The even weirder thing was, he was looking right at me the whole time he was talking.  Hello?  I'm the married one in the group, there is no chance with me.  Or any of us, I don't think they'd date a waiter, but he was cute, so I don't know, who am I to judge.

So he left, and one of them said, "Wow, he really put himself out there."  Then they started to talk about something else, and I said "Really?  Did he just do that?"  But they seemed unphased, like it happened all the time, so I guess I'm not used to living in the "single girl" world anymore.

They were talking about how long you wait to text a guy back, and you know, I haven't even dated since texting has been around.  I met Mark back in the 90's.  I asked them if they had ever tried online dating, and one said that it scared her, and the other said she only found losers (but she's quite particular and very picky in what she wants), and she told me what to expect from what guys said on their profiles.  For instance, and I told this to Mark and he laughed so hard, but so did I when she told me!  She said if a guy puts on his profile that he wanted to cook a girl a homemade meal, then that meant he wanted to get her in his house and have sex with her and she would want nothing to do with him.  I said, "But that sounds romantic and sweet to me?" and she said I was naive, ha!  Maybe I am.  I thought about it, and yes, she's right, for a first date at least, it would be really stupid to go to a stranger's house alone without knowing them. 

But they were both so right about one thing, and definitely Mark and my counselor would agree with them.  They were talking about how you have to take care of yourself to keep your husband or your boyfriend or attract a man, and obviously I knew it, because I had done so much.  They think, as do I, you can't just get married and stop taking care of yourself.  They've both seen it too many times where women get married and think "okay, I've caught a man, now I can stop taking care of myself", and years later, the guy moves on and they're devastated, even when the guy has been telling them for years to do whatever it is that is bothering them.  Maybe a guy who has no other options or low self esteem, I don't know.  I think it is wrong for a man to leave his wife for another woman over appearance and I don't think they all do, I'm sure many suffer like my counselor said her clients come to her to talk about their wives instead of leaving but want to, but I'm just saying, it happens.  Mark has a friend that had a lot of marital problems, but a big one was that he wanted her to lose weight and she wouldn't, that is, until they got divorced.  THEN she lost weight, and he was so mad about that.  She could lose weight to find another man, but not to keep the one she had.  And she didn't even want the divorce, she begged him not to leave!  I remember all the drama as it unfolded day by day, as Mark would come home and tell me the latest in the saga, but of course, only from his friend's viewpoint.  One of my friends had a friend whose husband wanted her to lose weight and she didn't, UNTIL he found another woman.  Then she got a tummy tuck, but it was too late, the other woman "already had her claws into him" (her words). 

I know it sounds so superficial, but there will always be someone out there prettier, skinnier, younger, and while I hate it, men are very visual.  I already know there are other women who want my man, why would I make it easy for them?

But I do think Mark and I will be together forever.  We're just relationship people.  I want him to be happy with me, and looking good makes ME feel good as well as him, so why wouldn't I do it?  It would seem to me, but perhaps not everyone, that girls who don't like to pamper themselves and buy new clothes and shoes and do all the girlie things are missing out on the most fun parts of being a girl!


Kristy said...

Wow, if I was told I was fat by my spouse and told to lose weight, I would show them the door and kick it closed. I wouldn't want to be with such a shallow person.

KansasSunflower said...

I thought that too, in the beginning, but after talking to our marriage counselor and doing my own research, I found only women think that. Somehow women got this whole idea that once they got married or caught a man, they should be loved for who they are and what they looked like doesn't matter anymore. I think that's disrespectful, for both men and women, and taking each other for granted. Why wouldn't you do the same things you did to attract that person? Men do think appearance is very important, while women think they should be loved "for who they are", which they should, but they shouldn't take their men for granted, either, and men will say this, if not to their women, then to other men or their counselor. Unless they don't care about their appearance and have let themselves go, in which case, *I* don't want to be taken for granted, either.

Kristy said...

I think a spouse should try there best to be their best together. But sometimes shit happens and so does age. My in-laws have been together 68 years and being thin was never a issue maybe that is why they stayed together. They have always accepted each other how they where. I know a ton of people that been together for over 20-30 years and looks never played a part. Being at your best did. Weight never did! It is going to be such a sad state when a person gets 70-80 or have a horrible disease. It sounds like Newt getting rid of his sick wives to have a trophy wife.

Molly said...

I agree, Kristy! It would be a cold day in h*ll before a guy told me to lose weight or how to dress and look. Sounds to me you try way to hard to please your hubby then to please yourself. If you have to try that hard he wouldn't be worth it! Beauty comes from the inside out! Just my humble opinion!

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