On Hold Until Next Week...

On Monday, I was still really upset about our fight on Sunday, and I just wanted to lay in bed.  Mark took a shower then went downstairs, and came upstairs and stood at the bed until I looked at him.  What he said, I couldn't believe it.

He said HE was still mad at ME because he thought I wasn't taking any accountability for what had happened.  I said "what EXACTLY did I do?", and he said I was equally responsible.  I was just incredulous, and so freaking angry that I didn't know what to say.  I didn't want to fight again like we did the day before, so I tried not to say anything, but I'm sure my eyes and face said it all.  So he started rehashing what he thought *I* did, and I was thinking "are you kidding me...". 

I know this sounds so petty, but I don't think anyone can imagine how sad this whole thing makes me.  It's not WHAT we argued and fought about, it's what all happened and what was said during the argument. 

He even went so far saying he felt bad about the situation and was praying to God in the shower about what to do, and God had told him to come talk to me.  Uhm, God told him to come to me and tell me he was mad at me and that would make everything okay?  If that was God's advice, God doesn't know me like I thought He did.  That made me mad too, that he would use God against me.

So I wrote our marriage counselor again today and told her a bit about what happened, and she said she highly recommended that we come in for a session together next week.  I asked Mark when would he be available to go in, and he said any day next week, so I'm waiting on her to tell me when.  I don't want to go to her and "tell on him", I just want to work this out.  I really REALLY just want someone to talk to, I have no one.  Some things you can tell your friends, and some things you can't because they will never forget. 

I can't move on until we get this settled, I don't see him right now the way I've always seen him.  He seems like a different person.

He did suggest we take the dog to the dog park yesterday afternoon and we did that, and that ended up being a lot of fun.  He knows the way to my heart is always through my dog.  Seeing Bailey happy at the dog park cheered me up for the time that we were there, and Mark took a lot of pictures and sent them to me.

Probably by the time our appointment rolls around I'll be fine, I won't even want to go.

1 comment:

Bipolar Alcoholic :-))-: said...

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear what's going on with you and your husband. I haven't been on here in a while. Hopefully the counseling will work. Unfortunately, we know how mood disorders can mess with our lives!

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