When is Enough, Enough?

I'm so emotional today, I'm so unsure of myself, and I don't really know what's going on.  It's not that time of the month, what do "normal" feel on a regular basis?  I wish I knew.

There's some history with my sister-in-law.  I don't like her, she has a very unpleasant personality and I'm sure I've talked enough about her in my blog.  She doesn't seem to wish her brother or us well at all, nor does she seem to wish good things for us.  But she's like her brother, very passive agressive. 

So she sends this message in facebook to my other sister-in-law, Mark, and myself.  I don't check facebook, but I do have an app on my iphone that tells me when I have a notification.  So I read that she wanted us to get together with their mother for brunch on mother's day.  My other sister in law had already replied that they had plans, and right away she had responed it was okay, and something nice to her.  So I told her we were going on vacation and wouldn't be back in time.  Her response?  NOTHING.

So today Mark and I were in line at the pharmacy getting my NEW prescriptions (more on that later), and his bluetooth phone thing in his car goes off, and I hit "answer" on the screen.  It was his Dad.  He wanted to know if Mark knew that they were getting together for his Mom on mother's day.  What the HELL?  Oh my God, during their whole conversation, I could feel myself getting more and more angry.  I could hardly contain myself.  The anger was in the pit of my stomach and it was boiling over into every part of me, consuming me. 

So finally he gets off the phone, and I said "WHAT THE HELL?  You KNOW I replied to your sister and she was rude and didn't respond.  Why did she even ask if she didn't tell your Dad?  So now your Dad doesn't believe me?"  So he said "Maybe she didn't get the message", and logged onto facebook because HE has given up on the website too.  We both just hate it now.  But sure enough, there was my response to his sister with her response to his sister in law and none to me.

Maybe I over-reacted, but I'm just sick to death of his sister.  Why oh WHY did I think I had to "be the better person" and decide to tell her I wanted to put everthing behind us and send her a friend request in facebook for her to accept after I UNFRIENDED her for a FREAKING REASON!

We have NOTHING in common, we would never be friends under any circumstances, and I'm just tortured to have to spend time with her every year biting my tongue at her comments that are meant to torment me and dig at me.  As a matter of fact, I refused to be around her even once last year.  I haven't seen her since sometime in 2010.  Even her kids annoy me, not that they aren't good kids - they are.  Well behaved and cute.  But they're her kids, and that annoys me.

Am I over-reacting?  Maybe I am, because....

I went to my allergy/asthma/sleep disorder doctor, and it's a long story, but he gave me four prescriptions.  I went to get them filled, it was a big ordeal, an hour wait after I went an hour and a half later than they said they would be ready, to get home and find one prescription was missing, and another had only been partially filled and they didn't even bother to tell me.  I was so mad I was on the verge of breaking down and crying.  At the time, I knew it wasn't THAT big of a deal, but I couldn't help feeling what I felt.  I'd just HAD it. 

I really felt like, "Are you kidding?  What's the use?  I freaking give up!". 

But then I called the pharmacy, she felt so bad that she forgot to tell me and apologized about a million times for not telling me about the partial refill, and the one they forgot was actually over the counter.  She was so super nice about it though, that I realized it was a misunderstanding, no malice was meant, and I felt compassion for her.  I felt so much better.

So then I watched American Idol, and I started crying.  Just an emotional roller coaster!

But my doctor.  So yes, I'm taking new medication.  I took another allergy test, and found I'm allergic to dust mites.  That's kind of difficult, because they're like, everywhere, even in your skin.  He started talking about putting covers over my mattress and my pillows and I was like "whoa...are you kidding?".  Kind of like when the audiologist started talking to me about hearing aids - same reaction.   I said, "You know, I can wash them more often?", and he said in HOT WATER, who knows what else.  He then gave me prescriptions for Singular, Symbicort, an inhaler I've already used, Allegra, which I found was over the counter, and then wants me to start taking Ambien.

I'm about ready to say screw it, and throw all the drugs in the trash.  Screw bipolar, screw asthma and coughing, screw allergies, screw sleep.  When is ENOUGH ENOUGH?  I swear, I can NOT go to a doctor these days and have something NOT be wrong with me.  Is it a con?  Sure, I go there for a reason, but can't it be a quick fix that doesn't require long term lifetime medication?

Yes, thank you God for making the knowledge you give to doctors to cure us.  But how much do you really want for them to do for us, when does it become too much?  Or is that left for me to decide? 

7 comments:

Gledwood said...

It's very unfortunate you're related to a woman like that through marriage. She sounds like a complete and utter waste of time!

Take my advice and waste no ENERGY on her either. Know what I mean...?

jillt said...

I so know how you feel on this one. My pharmacist is always happy to see me coming!! If it helps, I think Allegra has a generic, Ambien has a generic and Singulair is going to have a generic soon. Hang in there!! My med box (which is now required) is daunting......

KansasSunflower said...

Gledwood - yes, I know what you mean. I actually went to marriage counseling and brought her up, and the counselor told me to lower my expectations of my relationship with her and, basically, waste no energy on her like you are saying, but in her own words. I removed her from my news feed on FB but she still finds ways to annoy me! : )

KansasSunflower said...

JillT-

That's good to hear that everything has or will have a generic! I've switched to a mail order pharmacy (not by desire, but by insurance mandates on maintenance medications), so the pharmacy is kind of like, "Hey, it's you again!" when I get a new prescription. Funny. Now I don't have to wonder if they're thinking, "There's the mentally ill woman" when they see me!

KansasSunflower said...

JillT-

That's good to hear that everything has or will have a generic! I've switched to a mail order pharmacy (not by desire, but by insurance mandates on maintenance medications), so the pharmacy is kind of like, "Hey, it's you again!" when I get a new prescription. Funny. Now I don't have to wonder if they're thinking, "There's the mentally ill woman" when they see me!

Robert said...

Let see,

- bipolar
- hates her own family
- hates children
- breaks into tears spontaneously
- seeks sympathy from strangers on the Internet

My 2 cents worth: Live alone & hoard some cats. By your own description you are not worth knowing. I myself would sooner hug an EBOLA carrier.

KansasSunflower said...

Uh, I checked out your blog and saw your picture, Robert. YOU wouldn't hug ME? OMG, you wouldn't even get the time of day from me if I saw you, you CREEPER! You look like much older ex-husband's much older father who is now in a home, and, not in a good way. By the way, I love dogs. : )

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