Getting Better

After being miserable and keeping everything in for four days, I finally talked to Mark about what was so upsetting to me about our last counseling session.  He was surprisingly supportive and understood how I would feel that way, although his view and my view of the session was completely different.  He could see my side, and I could see his side, and what really happened is probably somewhere in the middle.  It was a difference of opinion of who was getting blamed for the problems in our relationship - I thought I was, he felt she was focusing on him and telling him he needed to be a happier person to be a good husband.  Yes, she did harp and harp on him that he needed to do some work to be happy, but I never considered that as being "to be a good husband" like he did, so I thought it all fell on my shoulders. 

So that left us in completely opposing directions as to where we want to go with counseling.  I never want to go back and see her again.  He, on the other hand, actually contacted her and made an individual counseling session appointment.  The advice she gave him in marriage counseling he took to heart, and said it has made him happier in the past week.  So I've paid attention since he told me this to his behavior, and yes, he's really working on it.  We even went shopping and there was a need to donate blood so I volunteered, and he actually donated blood, too.  I was shocked - he's never donated blood before, but he said earlier he's working on gratitude and empathy, so I guess he considered that a step in the right direction.  It warmed my heart to see him do something selfless for someone he didn't know, that is so unlike him.  I don't know why it made me so happy, it just did.  Maybe I enjoyed that we shared in the act of giving - something I sometimes do (but not nearly, nearly, nearly as much as I should), but he doesn't normally participate with me.  I've always felt guilty about wasting his time or money being charitable, but if he's all in too, then it's just so much better.  I know it's just giving blood, but it's a big step in the right direction!

I'm getting closer to passing two of my required six tests to get out of the speed I'm currently in at school.  I've already passed two, so passing two more would be awesome.  These next two have been really challenging.  I've noticed that on this particular type of test, it takes some people longer than others to pick it up.  I thought I was so slow, but there are actually people slower than I am!  I turned in my test that I had graded on Friday and saw that a girl who has been going to school for at least two quarters longer than I have turned in the same kind of test from the same day at the same speed and didn't take the time to grade it.  So she must still be in my speed, and doesn't even think she's close enough to grade it yet.  I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it's really hard not to.  Don't get me wrong - there are people who started with me that are about 3 speeds ahead of me, so I'm not trying to say "I'm so great".  I'm just thinking to myself "Maybe I don't suck as bad as I think I do".

My mood is a little better, I think I'm done crying all the way to school now.  At first I didn't know if my mood would get better, I still felt down in the dumps after unloading on Mark, even though he must have used his "empathy" with me.  As the days have progressed, I have been feeling better and now don't think I need to rush to the psychiatrist, but do need to go sometime towards the end of the month for prescription refills..  Yay - going to the psychiatrist.  Always my idea of a good time.  Actually, when is going to any doctor a good time?  I avoid them at all costs, yet I always seem to end up at one lately. 

When I weighed on Friday, I've lost all of the vacation weight I gained except for 0.2 pounds.  FINALLY!  That has really set me back, and I thought I had made some good choices, but I really didn't obviously, or maybe I had and it could have been even worse.  So it's back to losing 16 pounds to getting to my goal weight.  I was reading an article about obesity - how 35% of the country's population is currently obese, and how much we spend as a nation on health care that is obesity related.  I was shocked at both numbers, and not even that, but 35% are OBESE, not just overweight, but OBESE?  In the year 2018, the estimates go up to 45%.  So half the country will be OBESE?  Yes, I care very much about that.  Sure, I care about my appearance, but also, my Dad died of obesity related illnesses, and I don't want to follow in his footsteps - he was only 62 when he passed away.  He really suffered from conditions related to his weight for many, many years.  I don't understand why he didn't do something about it except eat more and make the problem worse.  I even asked him once, "How can you have Type 2 Diabetes and still be overweight?  Don't you have to eat a certain way or you'll get sick?"  I didn't understand how insulin worked apparently.  But he was "Biggest Loser" overweight.  It's still hard for me to understand how someone can control their diabetes and be overweight.  Again, I suppose that's what the insulin shots are for?

People always theorize about what the problem is, lack of exercise, emotional eating, etc., and yes,  I agree with all of that.  But doesn't every country experience that to some extent?  What I notice when I go to the store, I see it's so much cheaper to buy unhealthy foods.  I spend a lot more money buying healthier foods to cook.  I could easily shave off $50/month for just the two of us per week on groceries if I didn't care about what we ate and bought for price not health.  I think they say that this is the only country where our poor people are fat - I think that's why - it's cheaper to be fat, which isn't right at all.

1 comment:

Bipolar Alcoholic :-))-: said...

I knew our country was overweight, but I didn't know that many were obese. My husband and I definitely need to shed some pounds. It sucks though when we diet and exercise he loses it like no problem, while I take forever and end up giving up. Stupid bipolar meds make it hard, along with birth control shots I'm on. Grrr. Good to hear your progressing with it!

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