Doing Pretty Darned Good!

I got my hearing aids today.  Mark knows I feel horrible about wearing them, so he calls them my "bionic devices" to make me feel better.  My hearing isn't super impaired, but it's enough that it's very annoying to my husband, I can't hear waiters in loud restaurants or sometimes even the person across the table from me when it's noisy, or when people are talking quietly in general, I have to turn up the volume on the television to probably uncomfortable levels to other people, I can't hear my husband half the time when he's talking to me, I misunderstand words and my brain tries to think of what it could have been and comes up with a completely different word and I start talking about a subject that is completely different than what is being discussed.  I could go on and on and on.  I hate when Mark is singing the words to a song we both love on the radio in the car, and I can't even tell that the radio is on.  He is out of town, so I am unable to see if I can hear him better.  For years I've accused him of mumbling and it made him so mad, when I was the one with the problem all along.  Hearing aids are SO freaking expensive, I had no idea.  I would have thought a few hundred dollars for them.  Um, no.  At least not where I went, and they probably sold me the top of the line, I have no idea.  It seems kind of high end to have blue tooth with your hearing aids to use with blue tooth enabled devices.  Thank God for health insurance.  I hope they last a long time, like, for a million years!

I've thrown myself full force into school.  I practice for an hour after school after writing all day, and then I come home and practice for another full hour.  I practiced this weekend too, which I typically never do.  I don't really understand my new found motivation for school.  I have a new chair and area that I cleaned the clutter to practice in at home, Mark sacrificing his luxury cars for moving to Chicago possibly really humbled me that he would give up something that meant so much to him for us.  It just seems like I should stop dragging my feet and finish school so I can start contributing financially.  I guess that's it, I don't know.  Passing tests and not failing ALL the time is motivating as well.

My friends at school are no longer annoying me, they seem more like good, supportive friends again.  I don't think THEY have changed, I think *I* have changed, my view of the world in general.  Again, I don't know how or why. 

For some reason, all of a sudden, things seem to be going my way.  That doesn't always happen to me, but then again, it could be all in my attitude.  Seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty. 

I keep forgetting to eat, it's bizarre.  Every morning, it occurs to me that I've forgotten to eat breakfast - once after I'd left the house and I had to stop and grab a breakfast bar.  That's the most important meal of the day, as it sets your metabolism for the day.  Then I want to stay at school and practice so I don't eat lunch, I just grab a banana so I don't feel run down, but then I don't actually eat lunch then until late, which makes me not hungry for dinner when it comes around, even though I just have a Lean Cuisine for my late lunch.  So now it's 9:00pm and I know I should have dinner, but I would just be making myself eat something to eat something, and that seems like such wasteful calories, but I don't want to go into starvation mode either, and have my body get used to a crazy low caloric intake so I'll gain weight on a normal amount of calories.  It's such a battle within myself.  I want to lose weight, but I'm forgetting to eat, but I need to eat, but it would be nice not to eat since I'm not hungry and drop pounds faster, yet that would be unhealthy and really doesn't work in the end.  I guess I'll get up and make brown rice with chicken and broccoli - that has maybe 500 calories.  Not quite enough calories for the day, but it's better than not eating dinner.  When Mark is home, I make dinner for us both, but even then, I don't eat with him.  He gets his dinner, and I eat later, or sometimes I'll eat a bit of dinner, and eat the rest later at night.  When I don't eat with him, he's commented before that he wonders if I've put poison in the food - HA!  I read that eating later at night will make you gain weight is a myth, and for me, I've found that it is indeed a myth.  But maybe people who gain weight eat junk late at night like ice cream? 
   

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