No to the Marriage Counselor

I may have already said this in my blog, but the last time Mark went to individual counseling, he cancelled our next marriage counseling appointment and told her I wouldn't be back.  She said "She's mad at me from the last visit, isn't she?"  I'm getting this from him, and he's not a good "he said, she said" person, I know very few guys who are.  What actually may have been said, I have no clue.  But anyway, she wants me to at least come back to get some resolution.  I think he may have even said something about her saying I held grudges.  Not 100% sure, but I thought that was thrown in there.

I don't know if I hold grudges or not, but I do know what I do.  If someone hurts me and I don't HAVE to be around them because they're in-laws or for a professional reason, I just cut them out of my life.  But is cutting someone out of your life that you don't HAVE to be around holding a grudge?  I don't think so.  I simply don't allow it to happen again.  She isn't someone that is close enough to me that I need in my life, so who cares?  I can easily cut her out of my life and there's no consequence to either one of us.  I don't understand this "getting resolution" thing.  Who cares?  Put it in the past and move on, I don't care if we have warm gooey thoughts of each other in the future.  Is she worried about her professional reputation and what I might say about her?  I won't say anything, she seems to be helping my husband so far, I'm not discouraging him from going, she just doesn't get ME at all.

I don't even know how to approach what she said that upset me so much with Mark, but what happened when we had our huge argument shouldn't have happened, and we can all agree on that.  But then she said some things that had me questioning things that had happened to me in my past - were they my fault, was this my fault too, because of something she said about the time we were talking about, and it really hurt me for days and days.  Like if I had done this and this, it would have been avoided, so if that were true, what about my past?  Oh my gosh, it makes me so mad just thinking about it, like I want to cry tears of anger.  On one level, I know she probably didn't mean to say what I think she said, but on another level, I know what I heard her saying or what it was implying.  Or at least, I know how I took it. 

So, what will happen?  I would go in there, say what I have to say, she would say "no, I never said that, you misunderstood me...", blah blah.  I can have the whole conversation in my head.  Denial. But I know how she made me feel and I know what I think she said and she knew I was upset and kept saying "And how does that make YOU feel?" whenever Mark said something, and I was SO upset I couldn't even talk, so she would just answer for me, whatever she guessed I was feeling or thinking, and whether it was true or not, I would just nod my head because she had NO CLUE and I did NOT want to talk to her! 

So now Mark is reading some happiness book that seems to be all written about him and is helping him.  I am glad that she is helping him and seems to know the right tools to reach him, God knows I don't know them.  She just doesn't need to push about me coming to see her.  If we decide we need marriage counseling again, I will go.  But NOT to her.

2 comments:

Russell Dill said...

Sorry to hear how you feel with your marriage counselor. It’s good that she is helping your husband, but that’s not enough. She should help both of you, and not just your husband. I do hope that you found a marriage counselor that can help both of you with your problems, someone that can listen and give advice to both of you.

KansasSunflower said...

Thanks, Russell! My husband says I only hear what I want to hear, I don't hear that she tells both of us to do things and counsels both of us. Maybe my perception is wrong, I don't know, but we will no longer be seeing her as we are moving to Chicago in 4 days! : )

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