Was It Really That Wrong?

I feel so uncomfortable today - it's really no big deal, yet what happened has made me feel, well, creepy.

I was at school today and this term kept popping up in a test that several of us had no clue what it was or meant.  Right now I still can't recall the exact word, but it means that an attorney can reject a prospective juror for any reason, without cause. 

I stayed late with a few other students to practice, and one of them asked about the word.  He didn't remember it - we take five tests in each class every day, so that's no surprise.  I tried to help him and another girl finally remembered the word.  I asked him what it meant, and he told me, but then he had to give an example. 

He said, "An attorney could say 'I don't want that good looking blonde on my jury'" and pointed to me.  There were girls behind me talking, and when they heard him say that, they stopped talking and said "What did you say?"  So he explained what he was talking about, repeated it, and then said "HER" and looked at me. 

I was SO uncomfortable, so uneasy, I didn't know what to say or do.  I mean, he's my teacher!  I just quickly put my earbuds in my ears and started practicing, like I was ignoring his comment, because really, what was I going to say to that?  "Thank you?", even if it was just for explaining the term?  Uh..no.  I sort of feel it was sexual harassment, but not really meant to be, but it makes me feel creepy.  Who wants to know that their teacher thinks they're a "good looking blonde"?  And tells them that in front of other students?  I don't know if I would feel better if it was just him and me or that other students were present.  Because they were all girls, I thought I'd get a little sympathy, but no, the girls still treated him with authority and like the kind teacher that he is.

I've noticed before that when I've done well at school, he gives me hugs, and I've never seen him do that to another student, but I figured maybe he just does that to them when I didn't notice or wasn't around.  Now I wonder if I've been wrong about that, because I have never heard him say anything remotely close to that to another student before.

I'll just have to distance myself from him even more, I didn't think I was overly friendly to begin with, I mean, I wanted my teacher to LIKE me, isn't that every student's goal?  But did I do something that was taken the wrong way?  Was my friendliness mistaken for something else?

Or am I totally misjudging this?   I don't know, I just think it was a comment that shouldn't have been said, and the fact that I feel uneasy now makes me believe it was wrong, too.

I told my husband because I had to get SOMEONE'S opinion, and I didn't want to tell my friend in class who wasn't there when he said it.  I just don't want anyone else to know or to spread rumors, it's quite embarrassing, even though it's really no big deal.  He was not happy, to say the least, and said right away he thought it was sexual harassment, but what are you going to do?  I'll just keep on going to class and...nothing has ever been said before, hopefully nothing will be said again. 

4 comments:

lifeonaxis1 said...

Trust your gut on this one. If you felt uncomfortable, then it was wrong. It put you on the spot and isolated you from your peers. He shouldn't be making comments about anyone's appearance. Don't underestimate how sneaky some college professors can be...take it from me, I've been surrounded by them for over 10 years now.

I'd avoid the hugs from now on, if I were you...

Molly said...

I am sorry, but I think you are reading WAY more into this then need be! If this would be considered "sexual harassment." Then their would be A LOT of people in trouble...male and female. That is just me 2 cents worth!!

KansasSunflower said...

Molly - I don't like the fact that my teacher sees me as "good looking" and comments to the class about it. I go to school to learn, not to be treated with disrepect. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Knowing that he sits up there and judges me like that every day? He didn't just decide that in that very moment, it's something he'd already decided and thought about, and that creeps me out big time. He's my freaking teacher, and there's nothing I can do about it! I just want to go to school!

KansasSunflower said...

Thanks life. I always learned from those seminars in the corporate world that if it "feels wrong", it probably is. That you should never have to feel uncomfortable in a situation. Going to school today I felt so creeped out, and today I was sitting in class - I sit in the middle of the front row! just feeling, well, creepy.

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