Friend Run-In!

Mark and I went to this awesome office furniture store that we love to pick out a new office chair for him today, and the most amazing thing happened! 

I had a friend at school that dropped out last quarter and I had sent her a text about a month ago, she sent one back, and I never responded until this morning.  Why I hadn't responded sooner, I don't know.  What made me text her today, I don't know know that either.

So we went to this upscale store today and walked by some offices, and someone comes rushing out saying my name and hugging me, and there she was - my friend from school!  I knew she got a full time job but didn't know what she was doing or where she was working.  It was so great to see her!  So bizarre - there are an infinite number of businesses in our city and the chance that we would be in the same one and that we would even see each other there is incredible to me. 

So we made plans to go to dinner next week.  When Mark and I got in the car, I showed him my text log and said how I was so glad I had replied to her text before we went to the store today.  He couldn't believe I had waited so long to reply, especially when I complain that I don't have any friends.  He said he sees that people are so attracted to me and ask me to do things with them, I just won't.  Is that true?  That's his perception.  I did think when my friend and I were making tentative plans that maybe there wasn't any point, we were moving anyway.  I do always have an excuse for not going somewhere with someone when they ask - I'm too fat, it's too far, Mark is home and I want to spend time with him, whatever.  But it's a two way street.  I know I shouldn't expect people, if I've turned them down over and over, to drop everything just because I've decided I finally want to do something with them, but it feels like rejection anyway.

I told my teacher that I was moving to Chicago next year because I was hoping the school could recommend another school for me in the Chicago area, but he got kind of upset that I was moving.  He didn't take it well, I thought it would be no big deal.  He wanted to know every detail, like, when were we putting our house up for sale and I told him January, but we would probably be here much longer than that because houses in our neighborhood weren't selling.  And he said kind of panicky "but it could be January".  I asked him a question when I was leaving, and he said something like, "I'm still stuck on you moving to Chicago!"  Well, yes, but so what?  So I go to school today, and he didn't seem like his normal self, kind of down in the dumps.  Then I knew I was crazy, narcissistic even.  Why would I think everything would be about me, like his mood?  Why was I even analyzing his mood?  Either I'm incredibly full of myself, or he's totally messed up.  I'm going with the first option even though I don't think I'm full of myself, but that is truly "full of myself" thinking that can't, in no way, possibly be true.

So Mark bought a new office chair and gave me jewelry for our anniversary on Friday.  We're staying overnight in a hotel in the town I lived in for ten years, in the hotel I used to walk by every day as a single, poor girl in my 20's and thought "Wow, wonder what it would be like to stay THERE", fully knowing I will be unhappy with the room with my current hotel standards. But that's not the point.  The point is to do things I've always wanted to do here before we move. While we still have time, I'm going to try and do them! : )


loonysuse said...

I think as we get older, friends dwindle. Many people get more introverted. I'm happy if I go out to lunch or dinner once every other week. I used to go out all of the time. (Two decades ago.) I think you and I are about the same age.

It's normal to think that you'd have an effect on others. Maybe he thinks you're talented, maybe he likes you.

If someone is in a bad mood, I always think it's my fault!

Gledwood said...

There's nothing like a good bit of new office furniture. Especially swivel chairs... I keep having sexual inuendo fantasies about swivel chairs, you know Christine Keeler sitting backwards in one as in the poster for the BritFlick you probably haven't seen but she was a young chick who had it off with some 1960s govt minister

Now can I ask you a pressing question: do you get mood swings all the time? Or anything like frequently? Or does the medication make you pancake-flat most of the time. That's why I'm terrified of mood stabilizers. I thoroughly enjoy being hypomanic and don't want anything "pissing on my strawberries" as my Dad would say... The reason I'm on quetiapine (Seroquel) monotherapy is because I supposedly have schizoaffective bipolar and monotherapy has been shown to be equally effective as more conventional mood stabilizers for bipolar 1 disorder, which is my differential diagnosis, in randomized controlled trials~~~~ so there!!!!!!

see i've got all the scientific bullshit nomenclature right as usual

Gledwood said...

bloody hell must you turn on "please prove you're not a robot" ??? It's like trying to squeeze through the gates of paradise trying to get a comment on your blog i don't know maybe i'm retarded or something

also has bipolar disorder ever made you totally scatty so eg you spell words BACKWARDS at the computer? cannot remember simple things like regular appointments that are nearly always at the same time..? etc?

well it did me

(but doesn't any more)

KansasSunflower said...

Loonysue - yes, exactly! I would be very happy with once every two weeks, too. That sounds just about right! It's really true about not having many friends as you get older - I guess people get busy with their families, I'm not sure.

I hadn't considered that - maybe he is just sad to be losing a student as a teacher. I'm choosing to just try to forget about it, I'll never figure it out anyway. : )

KansasSunflower said...

Gledwood - Even though I'm on mood stabilizers and my moods are less extreme and I personally feel flatlined in comparison, my husband thinks I'm *still* too intense - I still get too happy and too sad. So - yes, I still laugh a lot, I still cry, I still feel really good some days, and I still feel like crap some days. Just the really extreme of it all is gone, and if it means the depths of hell depression never comes back, then I'm 100% okay with never being high in the sky again, although I never felt that great. I only felt a "spring fever" type of happy, which I still get.

As far as scatterbrained, my psychiatrist told me once that in many bipolar people, ADHD is common, so you might ask your psychiatrist about that? I took Adderral for awhile, but quit - just a warning, that stuff does not feel to great to stop taking. You get used to it, and when you stop, you feel tired and drained.

And I have to keep the "robot" thing on! You would freak out if you saw what blogger's spam filter caught on a daily basis! I can't even imagine what the robot thing catches! : )

Gledwood said...

Does your other half know you from prebipolar times? I mean, do YOU think you're over-intense?

The usual pattern in bipolar people seems to be massive episodes every few years and then cyclothymia in between.

But I had a friend whose mother and sister were "manic depressive" as we said back then ("bipolar" never entered the British common vocabulary until the 2000s) anyway in the mother's case she seemed to get mania then depression twice (ie 4 episodes) spaced 10 years or more apart and to be totally normal in between, as if lithium cured her and now she was too scared to stop taking it even though the psychiatrist said she could. Ie she was nothing like me or you....

KansasSunflower said...

Gledwood - that's a trick question, isn't it? Yes, my husband knew me before I was diagnosed as being bipolar, but I may have been bipolar when he met me. I had just never had one of those deep, dark depressions yet, only diagnosed with "chronic depression" for regular depression (because there is a big difference in how the depressions feel in my opinion) and was on anti-depressants and xanax. My manias aren't extreme, so I hadn't gone to the psychiatrist for those symptoms yet.

I don't think I'm over-intense. To me, I feel so much less intense than I used to be, but to a "normal" person, they still see me as pretty emotional. Do you get that way, too?

Wow, even if I only had two of those awful suicidal depressions every ten years (the mania I really don't care about, although it's not always unicorns and glitter), I would still take medication every day. That's some really scary stuff - and I really don't trust myself as to what I might do in that state of mind!

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