I can't wait for this freaking election to be OVER! I'm trying to keep as busy as possible so I'm not totally obsessed with it. I'm going to school all morning and back to school at night and trying not to read any always-politically-media-slanted news stories, whether one way or the other. They both make me mad, either way they swing, because they obviously aren't telling the whole story!
I've been thinking a lot lately about what my psychiatrist said one time, when I was really upset about something someone said - that bipolars have a tendency to have narcissistic qualities. I was like "WHAT? ME?" because that seems so far from who I am and what I'm about. I'm not grandiose, even though I know that's a quality of being manic, which I only get hypomanic, but narcissistic?
So I've been noticing lately that I do seem think a lot of things are "all about me", which really might not be. Someone may say something about themselves, and I turn it around somehow to make it all about me. I'm not saying that I will be having a conversation and someone will talk and then I ignore what they say and just talk about myself, I'm not like that at all. But someone will be upset, and then I think, no matter what it is or what happened, that of course I caused it. A common occurrence would be something like.."This awful thing happened..." and I'll say, "Did *I* do that?", or "Did *I* say that?" or "Did *I* do something to make you feel that way?" when it really has absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't think of a particular instance at this very moment, I just know it happens ALL THE TIME. Why do I feel so guilty about everything? Why do I take on other people's feelings? Is that different than making everything "all about me"? And then of course I feel responsible for making that person feel better.
I passed my first 140 literary test today. Incredible. It took me so freaking long to pass any 120 tests, and in two months I've passed my first 140 test. I hope this is a peek into what is to come!