The most overwhelming is getting the house ready to put on the market. An appraiser came and gave us a list of what needed to be fixed and while it's nothing major or very expensive, it's a list that requires time to do things ourselves, people to schedule to do others, along with carpet cleaning, a painter (we tried it ourselves, didn't work), a staging company to come out - all this by January. I have to finish "decluttering the house" which I've done a ton of, but being bipolar, and I guess that's why, I'm just a freaking clutterer. If you look at pictures of houses for sale on the internet, there is nothing in the houses anywhere - on the cabinets, just - nothing! And if there is, even toys in a kid's room or papers in an office, I think (because we are also looking to BUY a house) "what a messy house! I don't want THAT house!" The super clean house is what our house has to look like. I'm so glad I don't have to LIVE that way and will be living in an apartment in Chicago. A professional photographer still has to come and take pictures of the inside and outside of our house, oh my gosh, so much to do! At least we don't have to worry too much about what to move to Chicago - the apartment will be furnished with everything, even sheets and dishes, silverware, etc. They told Mark if he had a dinner party or something like that to call them and tell them what he needed and they would provide it and other things like that. A dinner apartment in a one bedroom apartment? I don't think so, but I appreciate the gesture.
It seems unreal to me that I won't be living here in a few weeks. I was saying goodbye to people at school on Friday and was caught off guard by people being sad that I was leaving. I still had the picture in my mind of being in the 8th grade, moving during the Christmas holidays and walking out of the school to my mom's car caring about no one and no one caring about me. It was such a sad and lonely feeling. I thought it would be the same way here, but it wasn't. There was hugging, promises of keeping in touch, dinner before I left, email addresses exchanged, and a request by my teacher not to say goodbye until I came to pick up my transcript next week, although we probably already said goodbye about three times.
Mark hasn't told his parents and I don't know how they will react. They know we are moving, they just have no idea it is next month, they think it's when the house will sell, and who knows when that will be - they have plenty of time. I don't think they will be that upset, but Mark thinks his mother will be. I think it's good that Mark is getting away from here. He's lived here his whole life and has a lot of bad memories associated with it such as being bullied in school. It was very liberating for me to move to a new state and start over, putting the past behind me, and while I'll always consider Kansas my home, whenever I go back it takes only about a day and I can't wait to leave. Not if I go to say, Overland Park or somewhere that doesn't remind me of where I grew up, but in a town I lived in, it's like nails on a chalkboard and right now I remember it, but I usually forget bout it until I'm there. I bet he finds that once he's gone for awhile and he comes back to visit, he'll experience the same thing. He has a lot of bad memories here. Time to make new happier ones.
For me? I don't know, I didn't think I would feel sad about leaving, I thought I wouldn't care, but I'm finding that I am a bit sad, I do feel some attachment to our city. This weekend we've been going to our normal places and I stop and think "I won't be coming here anymore" and sure, it makes me sad. There's comfort in the familiar, and Mark and I have had basically the same schedule on the weekends for the past two years - we go to the same restaurants for lunch every Saturday and Sunday. I order the exact same lunch every Saturday and Sunday, not because I love it so much, but because I can eat out and I know how many calories I'm eating and not hating.
Which reminds me of weight. I've probably put on about 5 pounds, which doesn't sound like a lot, but in the mirror, to me, it looks like 15. I can still wear the same clothes except for one pair of jeans that really were too small already before I gained 5 pounds, they just fit a bit more snug and I'm conscious of muffin top. I suppose January 1st, like everyone else, I'll start vigorously working out to drop and and hopefully the last 15 more. I was into the 130's and still had 15 pounds to go. Now I'm into the low 140's and that just makes me feel so much more fat to go from the 130's to the 140's even though it's 5 pounds. If it was 131 to 136 that wouldn't feel so bad, but it wouldn't feel good. Still, 130's is not the ideal weight for me either.
I'm really worried about moving to Chicago and gaining weight, getting off my regular diet and eating all their fattening food - being cold and my body storing body fat to keep warm. It just seems like people are fatter in colder places, but maybe that's my imagination. I do prefer to run in cold weather opposed to sweltering hot, even if it's 20 degrees or lower. We'll see what happens!