Getting Close!

I saw my psychiatrist for the last time until the move this week, and he was very generous and gave me prescriptions for an entire year so I could find a doctor in Chicago. It was sad leaving his office, I wanted to tell him how much he had helped me, hug him, something, but he's not an emotional guy.  I did tell him that he had "saved" me and he seemed genuinely happy about that, but it's hard to tell someone the huge impact they've had in your life.  I've been to the depths of depression hell so many times for him to lift me out quickly time and again.  He helped me get well when I met him and was suicidal in the hospital, how do you thank someone for that?  For working years and years and being patient and doing the research to find the right combination of meds - some just released on the market that no one else has heard of yet - to .get you stable?  There are no words.  I asked for a referral, and I'm not sure if this is an indication of who HE is or who *I* am, but he told me the clinical faculty at the University of Chicago. He's big on research, which I love because I was always on the cutting edge of medications when I needed a med change and I've tried just about everything out there. So it may be him - he's big into research - or it may be me - I need someone on the cutting edge because there's not much left I haven't tried.  Or both.  He indicated that before my very first appointment with a new doctor that they should have his records.  I don't know about that.  Shouldn't they get to know me first and THEN read his notes?  He seemed to think it should be the other way around. I can see why he would feel that way, that his analysis is the correct one of me and not one that I would portray or explain, and maybe that's right, I can't describe things that I wouldn't be currently feeling that he would have notated, at least to the extreme.  What analogy did he use?  I didn't follow, but something like telling someone you want a wall painted gray (his wall was gray in case you are wondering why he chose gray) - there are different colors of gray. Maybe I started talking over him because I don't remember the rest of the analogy.

So...four more days and we move to Chicago.  We have been so busy!  Getting the house ready to sell has taken a lot of our energy. Contractors constantly at the house, stagers, and we've done so much work! Mark is absolutely freaking out from anxiety while I'm excited to move.  Not looking forward to the cold, I think I'm going to hate, hate, hate that part, but happy to be back in the Midwest with Midwesterners instead of Texans. I've never felt like I fit in here. It does seem complicated to live there though - I have to get a parking pass just for the place I'm going to park my car to take the train to go to school, and they are on a first-come-first serve basis, which happen to go on sale my first day of school?  Or I can pay by the day, but I'd rather have a pass so I don't have to worry about having $1.25 in cash or whatever it is to park every day. And then a train pass, and I don't know what else.  Public transportation - yuck.

Mark did something nice - for the night we'll be stopping on our way from Dallas to Chicago, in St. Louis, he reserved a room at the Ritz Carlton.  I'm excited!  At least a little bit of luxury on the way!  He has points from his stays in Chicago during all his travels, but they are making us pay a $125 non-refundable pet deposit.  That's a little crazy!  That's like paying for a whole room just for Bailey!  Not at Ritz Carlton prices, but still!

We're only taking an SUV of things to Chicago with us since we're not moving our house to Chicago until our house sells, and it's going to be a struggle deciding what to take and what to leave.  I could fill up the SUV with just clothes and shoes! But of course there's Mark and the dog actually has quite a bit of things he needs. Mark wanted to rent a little U-Haul trailer but I just didn't want to do that. 

We start looking at houses in about two weeks in Chicago - I thought we'd start with the Naperville area.  From talking to people and searching the internet it seems like a nice area, except to people who are city die-hards, but suburbia people love it, and once I get there, I can check out other area.  We might have plenty of time, or we might not.  I have no idea how fast our home will sell.  One month or ten months, not a clue.

I hope to start school soon.  Hopefully nothing will hold me back, but they won't even answer the phone for me to schedule an appointment to enroll.  Hopefully Monday.

It's really weird to be doing things, out about in the city, in the house, running, and think "I'm not going to be here and this will all just be a memory soon."  It doesn't seem real yet.  Everything is so familiar and still seems like I'll be here forever.



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