New Life?

My life has certainly become more social since moving to Chicago.  Mark has been coming here for years to work and his good friends are all here, so there was an automatic social group I moved into with party invitations and social events waiting.  His friends and their wives are all nice, it's just weird.  They know HIM, not me, and...at the events, he's always one of the top leveled executives from his workplace at parties, so I don't know if people are just nice to me because he's their boss or what he can do for them at work or if they really like me.  Yes, they seem to like me very well, they even say they like me a lot, but...people are so nice here, I don't know what to believe sometimes.  What HE thinks about the circle of friends, I don't know, but he sure likes his friends.  Whatever he thinks, he's come to terms with it years ago and I don't think he considers it.  It's quite a change from never socializing with other people to socializing with people at least once a week.

And on top of that, I contacted a women's group that is sort of a social club in the new city that we're buying a house and will be attending my first "meeting" this week.  It's not just a social club, it's women who volunteer and raise money for charities, etc.  I'm pretty excited about it, but I will be so disappointed if the women are uppity and snooty after being charmed by the people in Chicago.

So yes, we did make an offer on a house and will be moving in the end of February!  I'm excited to buy new furniture for it and decorate it, etc.  It's a really pretty house - I fell in love with it.  I'm sure it's way too big for just Mark, myself and our dog, but better to be too big than too small. I had planned to post pictures but Mark's friends have already been asking when will we be having a party, and then I realized - I can't post pictures!  What if one of them stumbles on my blog and recognizes our house?  I guess the only deal breaker would be that we asked the current homeowner who is relocating like we did to make the repairs the inspector found, just like we made the repairs the inspector found on the house we sold.  They are very nit-picky types of things, but...now that we know these things exist, of course we want them fixed, and again, to be fair, we did on our house, too.

The weather here is absolutely HORRIBLE!  I *hate* it.  I can't stress the word *hate* enough!  Yes, I'm glad to be out of yee-haw Texas, but wow, I sure miss the weather there.  This negative wind chill stuff is for the birds.  It is bone chilling cold, and I don't believe for a second these people in Illinois are okay with it.  They just simply are not!  I wasn't "okay" with days on end of over 100 degrees in Texas in the summer, either.  That was miserable.  I used to think at least when it's cold you can put on more clothes but...I'm sorry, when it's 3 degrees with a negative wind chill, you're just going to be freaking cold somewhere on your body no matter how many clothes you are wearing.

I haven't even begun to look for a psychiatrist yet.  Wait - I did find a perfect one - specializing completely in patients who are bipolar, then found they didn't even take any insurance!  Say what? Yes, I totally get that insurance companies negotiate much lower rates than what a doctor wants to charge, and I don't doubt they or any doctor is worth what they want to charge - except maybe surgeons during surgery - really?  Thousands of dollars just for the procedure done by the doctor (not including everything else - just the doctor's time) for thirty minutes or one hour when they have back to back surgeries in the same building all that day?  That's ridiculous.  Just a bit of observation I had during 2010 when I had three different kinds of surgeries, but I digress.    It soured me and I stopped looking since my psychiatrist had given me a year's worth of refills, but I really need to get on it.  I could have a crisis at any given moment and wouldn't have anyone to turn to, then would need to wait weeks or maybe months for a first time visit and go through that crappy get to know you consultation appointment before anything else happened.

I am dreading that first appointment a LOT.  I remember all of those questions they ask, and then some of them really makes you think...has that happened to me?  What do you consider "voices"?  I always have to describe what I have experienced because I don't know if that is or isn't considered "hearing voices", maybe that's simply episodes of psychosis.  Perhaps my last doctor thought I was very crazy, I AM on two anti-psychotics among other things.  That's saying a lot, right?  If you're on anti-psychotics?  Does that mean I'm psychotic without them?  I tell myself it's just a NAME, but anti-depressants are for depression, so?  I don't even know for sure what "psychotic"  means exactly.  I should look that up.

I honestly have no idea how "mentally ill" I am.  I think I'm just fine, I know no other way to be than what I am.  But all the talk about the "mentally ill" right now in the news has me freaked out.  We're so dangerous...blah blah, protect society from the mentally ill with guns!!  How about doing psychopath screenings instead?  I think it takes a psychopath to go on a killing spree, and if you look into anyone's background hard enough, I'm sure you will find skeletons.  I have no opinion on the gun issue - I mean, I guess I do, but it's just not my battle.  There are plenty of fired up people on both sides already.  I am an advocate for people with mental illness, but that has a problem.  If I came out as an advocate, people would wonder why, and maybe this is how the gay community feels about "coming out".  I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet.  I don't think I ever will be.

4 comments:

loonysuse said...

Just across the lake it's warmer, but it snows twice as much. They haven't invented the plow here in the sticks. Mid January is the turning point. It gets warmer...on average.

Susie

KansasSunflower said...

But it doesn't get warmer in February though, right? February is the worst month I'm today? No plows! How do you get around?

loonysuse said...

I was being sarcastic, but it takes days for the plows to get going. Pisses me off big time.

KansasSunflower said...

I would be too. I am very impressed with Chicago's ability to clear the roads so quick! I'm sure you got used to that!

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