Not As Happy

On the way home from school, I started feeling depressed. I couldn't pinpoint exactly why except that I felt lonely and was tired of reaching out to people with nothing to show for it.  I was tired of being extroverted 24/7. In retrospect, I was extremely hungry. I had run first thing that morning and didn't have enough to eat by that time.  But the issue remains.

I think it's time for me to let go of people in Texas. There's no reason to hold on to them.  I wasn't friends (meaning, go out and do things with someone) with anyone when I was there any more, why try to maintain old friendships long distance now that I'm gone?  The technical age has brought us facebook, twitter, all of these great ways to stay in touch but maybe that's not always for the best.  I felt very lonely when I was living in Texas for quite a long time and I now have a fresh start and have found many avenues to meet new people, but it's tiring.  I have a women's club meeting I'm going to attend, a running club I'm joining, all in the new city I'm moving to next week when our house closes. It would be nice if someone, ANYONE, would reach out to me for a change instead of me initiating all the time. But, how would the women's club or running club know I existed if I hadn't contacted them?  So I guess that's not fair. Mark is hoping we'll actually have neighbors we can be friends with this time (as opposed to just being friendly), but I'm skeptical. I have yet to see that work out but people really are quite friendly here, so who knows?

Then there's the whole social aspect of Mark's job. I didn't fully realize how many events he'd be attending where I would be expected to go as his wife. I had thought that maybe the wives were friends outside of their husband's jobs, but no, it doesn't look like they are. It doesn't mean that I CAN'T be.

Maybe I just don't have anything in common with anyone.  I'm a certain age with no children, and women my age always talk about their children.  I have nothing to say. I don't have a career and am in school, and that's definitely not the norm either.   A lot of people make their friends with people at work. Or..perhaps there's just something wrong with me. I could be expecting too much too soon.  But right now, I don't have any time to do anything with a friend.  Every weekend is packed with activities and now that we're moving next weekend, we'll have a lot to do.

My new eating habits, or diet, whatever you want to call it, is going okay.  I just need to figure out what I can eat that is okay when I'm starving to death!  I don't want to eat anything that isn't good for me, but I didn't buy anything at the store for snacks.  I boiled some eggs like the doctor said and had one when I got home since he said that was a quick way to get protein which will satisfy better, but I lost the eating plan he gave me when I left, so I couldn't shop for the foods I should be eating. I scoured the internet for that eating plan but it is nowhere to be found.  It's just a simple, plain, healthy eating plan broken up by food groups and calories that I thought would be everywhere, maybe even from a government health agency, but no, I couldn't find it.

I suppose the Phentermine could be affecting my mood, that crossed my mind. I've taken it before and I don't remember it doing that, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. However, I guess I can't expect to be loving life every day, especially when I'm walking a mile in windy 15 degree weather!

9 comments:

Kristy said...

I think your doing good by thinking to be social and joining these clubs. Before you know it you will be making acquaintances and friends.

KansasSunflower said...

I sure hope so! Thanks, Kristy, we'll see if I'm a social parasite! : )

Kristy said...

I was looking around this morning and thought you might like this link. www.skinnytaste.com . It has many different low cal options. It also works weight watcher points also. I have tried some and they are good.

KansasSunflower said...

Oh that looks like yummy stuff! Thanks! I bought a scale last weekend because mine is packed in storage, and my husband weighed himself for the first time in a month and had lost 8 pounds and is very unhappy (I wish I had that problem!) It's hard to cook for both of us - one who runs 30 miles per week and myself who had been running about once per month. BUT, if he wants me to cook, he's going to have to figure it out! : )

Molly said...

We are in Mc Allen, TX now for vacation. Where in TX did you live? I can see how it's hard for you to adjust to the weather in Chicago. I live in Iowa & the weather there is a lot like Chicago. And the weather in TX is beautiful!!!

KansasSunflower said...

Molly - rub it in! : ) Ha - kidding! Dallas. Yes, I hear it is quite nice there right now, I'm envious! I think it is supposed to snow/sleet/ice/whatever on Thursday/Friday and then snow 3 to 5 inches on Thursday/Friday, ugh. Hopefully you'll still be in Texas! : )

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Mary Daly said...

I am worried about your use of the diet meds. my husband started taking Green Coffee Bean extract in October for weight loss and it triggered a terrible manic episode. please be careful.

KansasSunflower said...

Mary Daly - I'm so sorry about your husband! I hope he's better! I've taken Phentermin before, but I've wondered if I'm not quite as happy now as before I started taking it. I will definitely keep it in check!

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