Overall? Positive!

I went to a weight loss center, and in my jeans, sweater and boots I weighed 154.  Yikes!  But I've never weighed myself fully clothed in bulky clothes AND heavy boots. Anyways, something interesting happened.

On the questionnaire, I decided not to disclose I am bipolar, and put that I am not taking any medication.  I struggled with that decision for days, and even on the car ride there about what to do, but that's what I eventually decided, and it's a darned good thing!

Instead of it being a "private" consultation, four of us were counseled together.  Our weight wasn't disclosed or how much we wanted to lose or anything like that, the doctor just went over dietary needs and nutrition and about the prescription appetite suppressant he was giving each of us (phentermine).  He then looked at each of our charts to check our vitals and medication, and then he looked directly at me and said, "You're not taking any medication?" Now if I had put that I was or had decided to disclose that I was bipolar, that would have been a very uncomfortable moment for me. I would probably have had to go over every freaking medication I was taking, and tell him what each did, and you know the drill, in front of three other girls who may know no one who is mentally ill and think I'm a freak.  I shouldn't care what others think, but why is it their business?  It's not.  Maybe it's the doctor's, but it's not other people's business.  Only one other person took medication, and that was for high blood pressure.

I'm really being challenged right now that I've moved to a new city - who do I tell?  Who do I trust? I've only told doctors in the past, but now I don't even know what doctors to trust, especially after today.

So, it was myself and another girl who weighed exactly the same as me (she disclosed her weight to me later), and two other larger girls who have a considerable more amount of weight to lose. I want to lose about 20-25, but the other girl like me only wants to lose 10-15.  People are just built differently.  She looks like she doesn't need to lose ANYTHING, she looks very thin already, yet I don't, we just carry our weight differently and I have very small bones, I know that.
I looked at the last time I recorded my weight - the beginning of December - and I haven't gained anything at all since then (149, and when I got home and weighed myself without all the bulk, that's what I still weigh).  Surprising I haven't gained 10 MORE pounds, but that means I've only gained about 10-11 pounds altogether.  However, it needs to stop before 10 becomes 20 becomes 50 like it has TWICE in the past now!

I want to be able to fit into my little black dress for a dinner with a bunch of people we're going out with in March, but I don't know if I'll make it.  He said to exercise - cardio - for 30 minutes 4-7 times a day.  And we talked for at least an hour about the diet, but the largest girl of all got impatient and interrupted him and said she had no idea it would take so long and how much longer would he be.  I was like...really?  You don't want to learn all you can about how to eat properly and lose weight and just eat in general for nutrition from an expert?  Did you just come for diet pills?  But...apparently she did.  And if so, she'll take the diet pills, stop taking them and gain the weight back.  It's a lifestyle change, there is no "magic pill" that keeps the weight off forever.

And, I signed up for an 8k run in April, I can only run 5k now.  That's 2 miles more I've got to build up to in less than two months, but that's plenty of time if I'm persistent. I used to run 5 miles (8k) 3 times a week less than a year ago, so...I know I can do it.  Endurance, for me, is SO MUCH EASIER to build than speed.  I haven't figured out how to build speed at all yet.  I'm slower than a turtle when I run!

We move into our new house in about a week and a half, and I've already called a designer to help me decorate it.  She is so excited, she makes me even more excited about it - ha! 

School - I'm practicing a lot, but I never think I'm practicing enough.  It seems like that should be my life, my whole life, I should be doing that 24/7, but I just can't.  I'm motivated, but...I don't know what my deal is; however, I'm practicing more than I was.

So...a lot of positive things are going on right now.  Even though I'm in a new city, Mark's sister still annoys me, but I don't think of her much at all, she barely crosses my mind. If Facebook didn't exist, I would have forgotten all about her.  But it's good to have positive thoughts, positive people and just an overall positive vibe right now. But Lord knows it will come crashing down at any moment.  I should savor it while it lasts.

1 comment:

KansasSunflower said...

This is in response to a comment that was asked not to be published. I think Sports Illustrated IS along the lines of Playboy, just with the certain areas *barely* covered up. It's definitely made for men, not women, so what we would want to see they totally don't care. I don't understand the current issue, like the girl in a bikini posing with young children? What is sexy about that? I find it creepy, so...obviously I totally don't get it. Little kids? Bikini? Weird.

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