Big Decision....

I went to a new GYN this morning and got news that I guess I was expecting.  It's not something that my old OB/GYN hadn't recommended to me in the past.  I have a lot of pain and heavy bleeding during that time of the month because of fibroids and endometriosis (after two surgeries of removing them and them coming back), so he recommended a hysterectomy.  Of course, just like in the past, I said "no way, what are my other options?'  While I don't intend on getting pregnant and having a child, just the idea freaks me out.  Mark has had a vasectomy anyway.  But then he told me that just the uterus would be removed, not the ovaries.  I didn't even know that was possible!  He said that was a big misconception about hysterectomies, but my big concern had always been going through menopause, the whole hormonal imbalance, hot flashes, etc.  I mean, come on, I'm bipolar, it's all I can do to keep  myself leveled emotionally without adding a hormonal imbalance into the mix!  He didn't want to put me on birth control like I had suggested to simply stop the periods because, YOU KNOW, all of the other medication I take!  Oh my God, if one more doctor tells me that I'm going to freak the frick out!  There needs to be doctors who specialize in prescribing medication to patients on psychiatric medications!  I'm serious - doctors are really freaked out about it!  I only told HIM in case something like this happened - I was half expecting him to recommend some kind of procedure and then I'd have to say, "Oh, by the way..."

So he does some kind of robotic procedure, called the da Vinci I think.  I talked to Mark about it and he didn't want to give his opinion at all since he felt it was a personal female decision, but after we discussed all my symptoms and how it hinders my life, he finally said after all I go through every month, if it made it all go away forever, it would be worth it which I absolutely agree IF there is no menopause involved.  But all the recovery time!  The doctor said three weeks!  Three weeks?  And I read on the internet that that is actually GOOD!  If it was an open hysterectomy surgery, not minimally invasive, it would be 4-6 weeks!  What the heck am I going to do for three weeks?  He said I will just feel like sleeping all the time, but I've had enough surgeries in the last 10 years to know how doctors minimize post-op recovery.  Three weeks is a hell of a long time! 

So...if I decide to do this, and I have to do SOMETHING *eventually*, I mean I can't just continue like this forever and let it continue to get worse, then I won't be able to start school at the new school when the quarter starts in April. No matter when the operation got scheduled, even if it was tomorrow, it wouldn't be enough time, and who's to say with 100% certainty that I would be completely recovered in three weeks? I don't even *know* what I would be feeling that I would be recovering from except for him saying I would want to sleep all the time.  I can't find much on the internet about post-op, but I haven't done a lot of research yet.   

Blah.  I don't want to think about it anymore.  But I do have an appointment to visit the school tomorrow and I'm not sure if I should go.  They will want me to enroll, and while yes, it would be good to see the school, I don't want to go all the way there, visit the school with the expectation that I'm going to enroll for the April quarter, for me to just say "I won't be starting this quarter because I'm having a medical procedure....".  If I were them, I would be wondering what kind of procedure would require you to recover for THAT long, and I just don't want to get into it.  If I do tell them I'm having a medical procedure, I'd rather not do it in person, but short and sweet in an email, without possibly seeing a quizzical look.

So I'm really stressed about decorating the house.  I've looked at tons of pictures, we've visited several furniture stores and decided the style we like best, but now is the hard part.  The first time we bought furniture for our first house ten years ago, it was SO much easier.  You just went to the furniture store, picked out what you liked, and they delivered it.  I remember for our living room, they had one all set up, and I just said "I'll take this whole room!", and I did, picture and all.  I'd like to go back to that!  But now we're shopping at furniture stores that are quite different.  You pick out a style of, say, a couch, then you choose what kind of arm, then what kind of legs and what color of wood, then what kind of fabric, maybe even what it's stuffed with? then what fabric on the throw pillows, etc.  I think you even have the choice of having the cushions be attached or detached, oh my gosh, I mean *everything* is like that, a million questions.  I've got to decide the fabric on the dining room chairs and do we want marble on the top of the bedroom dresser?  Do I want the whole house to flow?  Do I want different colors in different rooms?  I DO NOT KNOW!  That's why I tried to hire a designer!  It's just too many details!  And that's just the furniture!  There are still rugs and artwork and lamps and, and, and.  Maybe if it was one room, but it's four, plus part of the master bedroom.  And I'm TRYING to include Mark - I don't want to hear in a couple of years that he hates everything and we bought it all because *I* liked it which has happened before on certain things, but he works so much and is very tired when he gets home and he tries so hard to look at pictures with me and works in saving pictures at work that he likes to show me at home, but I end up feeling really sorry for him.  I always tell him we'll do it another night, to which he objects but if I won't do it there's nothing he can say.  There's always the weekends.

So now I'm kind of bored and feel like my life is stalled, and it makes me feel even worse because he is working so hard and his job is so stressful, and here I am, just sitting at home.  I'm not going to school, I don't want to work on figuring out how I want the house decorated when Mark is just too tired to tell me what he likes anyway, and if he did I don't know if he is just saying that BECAUSE he is so tired. 

And I'm in a city where I don't know anyone hardly.  But you know, when I was in a city where I knew people, I didn't do anything with them, either.  So what's the difference?  Nothing.

   

6 comments:

jenji said...

Wow.

Well, I took birth control for quite some time long ago and it completely made my periods silent. It was fabulous because I really suffer with periods every since I began them. But on The Pill barely spotting, no cramps and I have endometriosis, so that says a lot. But then I found out years later that I have a blood disorder that is prone to clots and I can no longer take estrogen based birth control pills as they promote clots. It's not worth the risk at all given my blood disorder.

I've seen quite a few commercials, litigious commercials, regarding the daVinci method. Many commercials about the pelvic mesh, which I don't know if you'd need that too to prevent prolapse of other organs, but given that, if it were me I'd get a second opinion. Have you ever tried birth control pills? I was taking meds at the time, too and I was fine. I wish I could still take BC bc I stopped about 15 years ago and my periods have been back with a vengeance every month. Between pms (2 weeks), actual period (1 week) and the all too predictable post-period migraine I have about 6-7 decent days per month where I'm not struggling in some way with my gdamn hormones and uterus. My gyn wants me to take progesterone birth controls pills and I filled the script, but I haven't started them yet.

In my experience with the medical world, I always get a second opinion when it comes to surgery. Too many surgeons are just hacking off parts without trying something a bit more reserved first.

best,
jenji

The Bipolar Diva said...

3 weeks has me concerned. My daughter and I had ours done vaginally, robotically. I was down a week tops, I think it was less than that actually. BUT, it was THE best thing I ever did! If you want, email,or message me. My gyn, and my husband's best friend, kinda creepy at dinner with my gyn/husband's best friend, and his wife all together. lol. anyway, he's the head of robotic surgery in the NW....I bet he can give you a few names to check out for another opinion if you wish? Just a thought.

KansasSunflower said...

Thanks, Diva! He's supposed to be one of the best gyn's in Illinois, that's why I drove 40 miles to see him and I'd put his credentials and awards here, but having your own blog, you know how everything is so searchable on the internet! He actually teaches the robotic procedure, but he didn't tell me any of this, I found it all by doing my research. But a second opinion wouldn't hurt. That makes me feel better that it is one of the best things you ever did! It is *very, very* scary. Did your doctor tell you that you'd only have a week of recovery time before your procedure? The internet says exactly what he told me - three weeks? That sounds very long to me too, but...I don't know anyone, or at least no one has told me that they have had a hysterectomy.

KansasSunflower said...

Jenji - that sounds awful! My periods are nowhere near as bad as yours! I'm in bed for about one day during mine and am miserable for the rest of it, but yours sounds absolutely horrible! Yes, I was on birth control pills once before, and I too have a problem with estrogen - it makes me very sick, but a doctor found a very low estrogen one that worked. Stupid me stopped because I put on a few pounds while on it about ten years ago. I suppose I could go back to him and say I've decided to give BC pills and try and see what he'd do? Wow, I hope your new birth control pills give you some relief! That is absolutely affecting your quality of life, I'm so sorry!!

jenji said...

It certainly affects my quality of life the first 2 days. I'm on day two right now and I'm ready to hit myself in the face with a frying pan to distract me from the misery and pain. On the other hand, I try to remember it's sort of a first world problem.

But this month it's particularly annoying because I'm moving into a new house on April 1st and I have so much to get done this week. Of course Flo shows up during a life changing event. Of course she does.

Gnarly wench.

Best,
jenji

KansasSunflower said...

Why does that always happen - that Aunt Flo comes at the most inconvenient times? When we made the 2-day drive from Dallas to Chicago, yep, you know what happened, and I was miserable. I am normally in bed for one day during that time anyway, but important events always seem to happen during that time. It sounds like we're all in the same boat! Good luck with your move, and how very exciting!! : )

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