There's another school that doesn't go into the city that will take me about an hour to get there, no train, no walking, and I'll be home by noon every day. I was afraid to tell Mark I was dropping out of school, I thought he would think I was a quitter. But to my surprise, he said he couldn't believe I'd been doing that all along, that he'd wanted to say something, but it just seemed like I had decided on that school. Well, I didn't really think I had any other choice, it has a certain accreditation that the other one I will be going to doesn't, but at this point, I don't freaking care! I just want to finish school, and that's it! All I need is to pass that state test, and I don't think anyone will care where I went to school. If I can write 225 wpm in a courtroom or for the deaf or for closed captioning on television or whatever, I don't think anyone would care if I learned on my own online from home! And there's a LOT LOT LOT to be said about the quality of life. I mean seriously, that was just awful. If I had a JOB in the city and was working 8 hours or so that would be different, but it was just a waste of time, and in that 1.5 hours, what made me even more mad, was about 30 minutes of that time would be wasted by the teacher talking about nonsense or helping an individual student and I'd be thinking, really? I came all this way for THIS? And paid all this money in education for....an hour???
So...I start school again in April. I'll have to get disciplined and practice at home every day until then, a lot.
The decorator. I so don't know what to do. She came over last weekend and showed us what she came up with and I don't know. I like her ideas, but...I just think she wants to spend money in the wrong places. Of course it's up to us what we choose or don't choose to buy, but now I don't know if I even want to use her, or a different decorator, or just do it myself. For instance, we never said we wanted window treatments, that was her whole thing, but she kind of talked us into it, then came back with her drawings of them, which yes, they were very cool, and a whole suitcase of fabrics to choose from, but then the estimates just for the window treatments was $10k! Are you freaking kidding me? We want the whole first floor refurnished, and we have no furniture in the sunroom because we've never had one, and we're going to spend ten thousand dollars on draperies? I mean what kind of decorator puts window treatments over furniture if they have your best interests at heart? So the furniture - she only showed us furniture for the family room. She didn't do any other room, like the formal living, the formal dining, or the sun room. And just that was $11k, and didn't include end tables, coffee tables, rugs, lamps, artwork, etc. I mean the couch by itself was $3500, and the chair and ottoman was over $2000. No, I don't want cheap furniture, but I would like to spread the budget out so I could furnish more than one room. Yes, I told her a budget, and while it's quite a bit more than what I told her, as far as she knows, she just spent most of our entire budget on draperies and a couple of pieces of furniture in the family room. So the question is...do I tell her we don't want window treatments and let her continue with decorating the house, reign her in on the budget, or just ditch her altogether? When she came, she showed us plenty of pictures of her work on windows, but none of the rooms she's done. She was a referral from our realtor, so I had no information about her other than she had staged homes that sold quickly and she had also decorated our realtor's house. But what exactly she did to her house, I have no idea. She could have put a flower arrangement on the dining room table, I have no idea. I'm actually quite frustrated. I've always been very prompt in responding to her when she contacts me, even contacting her if I don't hear from her, but not since then. She sends me texts and emails, and I may not reply, or I might reply but it's not right away and it's very brief. I just don't want to send the wrong message, that everything is going well if we in fact are not going to do business with her. And Mark thinks I'm too nice, he's afraid that I will decide to use her because I don't want to hurt her feelings and end up buying things that I don't want. I mean, yes, I don't like to tell people I don't like their work or whatever, she obviously spent a lot of time on her presentation last weekend, but we did pay a fee for it. I don't know, the more I think through it as I'm writing about it, the more I think I just need to tell her we're going to go another direction.
Tonight is my first meeting with our new city's women's club, we'll see how that goes. I don't make friends easily. I don't know if I seem shy, if I don't have anything in common with other people, if I try too hard or I don't try at all, I just never feel that connection with most women. I used to - in my 20's, but not anymore. I was looking forward to it, but now I'm not really. It just seems like another place to fail socially.