Cut Out Another Person!

I realize I don't let people into my life.  I don't tell them anything personal about myself.  No friends or family know I'm bipolar.  No friends or family know I'm having a hysterectomy.  They know hardships from a over a decade ago, but maybe since I was hospitalized in 2001, and I can't think of any other reason or when it started exactly, I've kept everything that was difficult to myself.  Maybe that's hindered my ability to connect with people on a deep friendship level, not divulging current personal struggles or pain.  I just feel I have so many secrets that people wouldn't understand, they haven't been through, I don't want them to know, I don't want to talk about.

But with people in the past, people who do know how hard I struggled, how hard I once had it, I've absolutely had it.  And yes, this totally may have everything to do with my having a lot of time on my hands and too much time to think.  But this woman that took me in when I was 16 and not living in a good situation until she booted me when I was 18 is being very rude.  Mark can not stand her, she has a difficult personality, but I feel obligated to stay in touch with her and be kind to her because she did take me in and get me away from a bad home.

So...I remember all of these things she said to me when I was a teenager that weren't kind that I didn't realize were bizarre at the time, and now it's like she's just lying to me.  I keep trying to email her, and when she didn't reply last time, I sent her an email after a few weeks asking if everything was okay and she said she had been very sick and nauseous from a medication change from her doctor and forgot I had written, and she was helping her daughter move and celebrate her granddaughter's birthday.  So, um, she can travel to help her daughter move but she can't come and visit me when I offer to pay for everything.  Yes, I took note of that right away.  I checked on facebook just now, and all during that "sick time", she was posting on facebook. 

I *totally* don't know what her deal is.  I do know that she kicked me out about the time her husband started being very nice to me - in a fatherly way, very encouraging and positive.  An old teacher of mine had come to my place of employment and asked if I would enter the city's beauty pageant and I was excited about it.  When I got home, he was also there for lunch and I told them about it.  She was defiant, and said absolutely not, no way should I do that.  I'm sure she used God as a reason.  In what way, I have no idea, but that was the way she always manipulated me to do what she wanted me to do.  But he said I totally should do it and that he thought I would win.  That did not make her happy at all.  She was constantly trying to get his attention, and saying he wouldn't have sex with her (I mean really, do her kids need to know that?), accusing him of cheating on her, which he wasn't, he would come home smelly and oily from working super long hours, so very, very tired, even falling asleep while he was getting dressed for work in the morning. 

So, after she insisted that I move out, which in retrospect was the best thing ever, at some point he divorced her.  I can't imagine living with someone like her, like I said, she is difficult and one of the most manipulative people I have ever known.  Since then, she has been married and divorced two more times.  Her daughter, since Mark and I have been together, has married and divorced two or three times as well.  She is also difficult and does not hide the fact that she despises me, her mother does not even try to deny it.  I'm in no way beautiful or anything special whatsoever, but being a teenager, you're trying to find yourself, who you are, where your place is, how other people see you, and yes, maybe I did some things that weren't so great.  But she was totally bizarre.  I dated a guy for a short time and broke up, then she started dating him (and I thought why are you dating her, because she's not that attractive) and later he told me it was so he could still be around me, but she was in absolute LOVE with him.  And it always went like that.  She would date and fall in love with someone, then they would fall for me, and I wouldn't mind the attention so I wasn't exactly rude to them but I didn't lead them on either, so sure, I get the bitterness.  But that's been so long ago - that was HIGH SCHOOL, and I was so immature for my age.  And when Mark met her, he said the way she looked at him gave him the creeps - like she was undressing him and wanted to have sex with him.  I would think he was insane if I didn't know her better.  She always wanted who I was with and has said that would be the man/boyfriend, whatever of her dreams.  I've heard that so many times from her.

I think they are BOTH off their rockers, they are BOTH bitter, they BOTH do not mean well for me, wish me well, ask anything about me, care anything about me, and the daughter has only spoken to me once in forever to ask if Mark and I would help her move across the country with just a day or so notice.  Are you kidding me?  I am always asking the mother how she is and I've noticed, she never asks how I am.

I'm thinking....I'm going to unfriend them on facebook except for her son who is very kind and thoughtful, he's not like them at all, and spam her emails.  I'm done with them and selfish people.

Yes, I appreciate her opening her home to me when I was a teenager.  I wish her well.  But I don't wish to compete with her and her daughter and keep wondering what is wrong with ME?  NOTHING is wrong with me!  I'm being as nice as I possibly can and...I get nothing, except lies, and I don't understand why!  She calls herself my "mother", even wanting me to accept her label as my "mother" on facebook which I wouldn't do, but what kind of mother is that? 

In between marriages, she was living in a trailer in her son's backyard - and mind you, she was not in a relationship, and she told me, just out of the blue, I could never live without a man, I would never make it.  Well, at the time I WAS without a man, I did not have a boyfriend, was not looking for one, didn't have a need for one, and I *was* making it, had a job, an apartment, a car, everything, and she was the one living in her son's backyard.  I mean what the hell?  Why would you tell someone that?  She was the one that couldn't make it without a man!

Those two can have each other.  They were made for each other.  The mother created the monster of a daughter and I think they are the only two that can stand each other long term, and even that gets shaky from time to time.

I really want to just tell the mother off, but I have no reason to.  She hasn't done anything to me personally (recently), she hasn't attacked me, just ignored me basically.  Like I said, misery loves company.  I promise you this - if I was miserable and in a horrible situation, she would be all over it.  She'd want to hear every juicy detail, but doing well, maybe in a position she'd hoped she was in when she had reached the age she is now?  I don't think she can stand me now, and that's why she asks ZERO about me.  She simply does not want to know.   

Wow, I realize how pretentious that sounds, but I also know how well I know these people, and...this is how they are.  Very petty, very jealous, and probably wishing horrible things for me, saying they bet Mark and I get a divorce by such and such time because I'm this or that.  I'm sure they think that coming from where I came from, how could I possibly have a life better than theirs?  Well, my life is far from grand, but it's not my fault that they are scraping by, and I hope that never becomes me.

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