So this is NOT GOOD and I need to remedy my situation quickly. The first obvious reason is I don't want to make a bad judgement decision out of anger, but that goes without saying. I haven't...yet. I threaten to and bitch a lot, but haven't done anything. The next reason is I'm having major surgery in about two weeks. I can't predict what sets me off, it just happens. I don't want to say the wrong thing to anyone, perhaps storm out of the hospital and not have surgery because I take something the wrong way, who knows right now! At the moment, I'm very limited to the people I am in contact with which is normally not good for me, but right now, it's actually a very good thing. I play a game on an app on my iphone and I've gotten offended for something really stupid and said a few things that probably would have been better left unsaid, but it really didn't amount to anything - no one was hurt by it, it was no big deal, I don't think I offended anyone, I just felt like I was sticking up for myself and said nothing bad about anyone or anything. Yet, my temper flared quickly and I reacted without thinking. That's what I mean. I make bad judgements and don't realize it until later. I'm totally in the moment and don't stop and think about what I'm doing or saying and feel justified, which maybe I am, but I'm not thinking of any consequences.
The last reason, and it may sound like a good thing and not a bad thing, is that almost two weeks after my surgery is my first appointment with my new psychiatrist. I do NOT want to be hypomanic and irritated when I see her, I want to be totally in control, balanced, doing well and healthy. The VERY LAST THING I want is a med change. New meds bring new side effects, typically being weight gain, but always SOMETHING negative, and I just don't want to go through that! If I can fix this with what I have and what I'm currently taking, that would be awesome. Right now I am hurting no one emotionally (yet), and while I'm not happy and content and I don't like how I feel, it would be worse to have horrible side effects with a new medication.
Taking an extra Lamictal in the morning has worked before, I have no reason to believe it won't work again. I just hope and pray that it does. And that I can keep my mouth shut and my fingers from typing something I'll regret.