Just Trying To Get Through It All!

Now I see my fear about telling my new family doctor that I had only seen once that I am bipolar on medication was unfounded.  He is *so* nice and understanding.  I'm sure he would have appreciated knowing the first time I went, but he didn't say that, just that he knew it was uncomfortable to talk about. 

He also helped me understand so many things that so called specialists never explained to me.  I told him how I had been diagnosed with asthma (cough variant) and why I didn't think I had it, and he explained from my symptoms how that was indicative of it and why.  Since I'm extremely allergic to mites (like dust) which can cause asthma, he started up with things to do around the house to keep it from triggering.  Seriously?  I couldn't believe some of the things the first time I heard them from the pulmonologist.  We have a maid service, and that's not enough??  I hate, hate, hate talking any more pills, but this is one of those times where I'm thinking...isn't there just a pill for this???  Yes, there is medication, but of course the best thing for an allergy is simply eliminating it if you can.  I'm not to a point where I'm ready to go the extreme and freak-out zone yet.  And I don't think Mark would like sleeping on a plastic cover and neither would I, especially one over my pillow.

So, as long as my blood test comes back okay, he'll clear me for surgery even though I told him all of my deep, dark secrets.  I kind of worry about that, too.  I've been taking phentermine and have lost about 17+ pounds in around 7 weeks and I have *no clue* what the test will show.  Oops - I guess that's one deep, dark secret I didn't tell him.  I weighed 132 at the office WITH my clothes on so I didn't know what he would say if I told him I was taking a diet pill even though it was doctor prescribed.  No, my BMI is not below the normal level, but it's not even close to being above, either.  I just want to finish out the three months on phentermine like I am supposed to, then I'll stop at whatever weight that leaves me.  And...at 3 months it's supposed to not really work anymore anyway, you're supposed to take a month's break from it if you're going to continue taking it, which I won't.

They hysterectomy.  Oh my God.  It's just a freak out all on its own.  I'm trying to mentally deal with it, but when I think about it, it's hard to imagine going through with it.  I can't quite handle it yet, although I'm getting better and actually doing things to work towards having it done.  I am so very, very scared.

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