What Story Do I Have To Share?

I've been asked to write something - at least 500 words - and "share my story".  I thought about it, and how rare it is that I find people who I can relate to who can understand what I'm going through, what I've been through, what I feel or have felt, and said I would do it.  As many people with blogs know, you get a lot of requests for all kinds of things through email and it is extremely rare that I respond.  My purpose is not monetary, to promote anything, even to change the world, and if I help someone through my writing, I am always incredibly surprised.  I just write about how I'm feeling and what is going on in my life, and when I've felt something very extremely, I try to document it at that moment so I can remember how it feels for later reference. I don't even edit and spell check as carefully as I used to - it just doesn't seem that important anymore.  But this had nothing to do with promoting anything, writing a guest post, reading someone's book, just a request to share my story to an audience as long as nothing I wrote had ever been published.

After I said I would do it, I realized...I have no idea what "my story" is!  Yes, obviously, it is a story about my journey of being mentally ill - being bipolar, I mean, I guess?  Everyone is so different, does anyone have the exact same symptoms and levels of the disease?  I don't know or have heard of anyone just like me.  Honestly, I have no idea why anyone even reads my blog!  What do I say that is at all interesting?  I don't think many actually read it anyway.  If I thought they did, I don't think I would write a lot of the things I write, it would be too intimidating.  From what I can tell, people search for things I've written about my experiences with certain medications and I totally understand that, I've done the same.

But...writing about "my story" will require me to think about things and details that are very painful and I really don't want to think about them, and especially attempt to articulate them enough that someone could understand what I am expressing.  Maybe for some people it is a positive experience.  I don't know, I just don't know.  Do I trust myself to go back to those places mentally and not fall apart? No, I probably will fall apart, but if/when I do, can I easily pick myself up again?

Yes, I plan to do it, but it's one of those things that you know you need to do but keep putting it off.  I am not trying to be an advocate for anything, that was never and is not my intention, but the times when I feel that I'm not so alone with this disease...those are very precious moments, and if I could give that gift to someone, whether I knew about it or not, of course I would want to do that.    

 

2 comments:

Gledwood said...

Have you ever considered writing a life story?

I once thought about writing my own ~ about being a raving junkie... Then I saw a 5-pack of misery memoirs on sale in WH Smith, Britain's biggest book retailer and thought NO PLEASE NO!

My life sold as one of a 5-pack for depressed secretaries to weep, spill red wine and smear chocolate over..? No thanks!

Anyway... good luck with your writing ;-)

KansasSunflower said...

Funny Gledwood! No, no life story for me, although yours would be quite interesting I'm sure! A five-pack of "misery memoirs"? What were they exactly? If I ever did write a life story, which I wouldn't, and who would read it? I wouldn't want anyone to know it was me, and if they did find out, the ugly, bitter people that used to be in my life would probably sue and make my life more miserable than they already did in the past. NO - WAY!

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