WOW, even just since my last post, I've deteriorated quite a bit. I'm starting to get it, just the tiny bits of what I read people going through this wrote, how it was described as a kind of withdrawal from hell, just from a hell I've never known. The world is becoming blurry, physically blurry, like I'm not able to focus on it, I'm not a part of it. Lamictal withdrawal is so, so strange. I'm trying to very hard to PRETEND I care, to be a part of just...being here. The world almost doesn't exist. I'll suddenly realize I have both palms of my hands on the temples of my head, just trying to FOCUS, just to concentrate on being here. I'm now trying to pay more attention to how I am treating my dog because he was staying away from me, and I actually AM carelessly pushing him away, in an emotionlessly way. Compared to how loving and doting I am on him, how I absolutely smother him in love and kisses and hugs, it's got to be so confusing to him and really hurt his feelings. I am trying SO VERY HARD to act loving and caring now towards him, towards my husband, but I actually don't FEEL anything. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But at least now my dog isn't hiding from me, he is on the couch with me. I had to give him one of his favorite treats to bribe him, though, and I keep hugging him and giving him my normal little kisses. It's hard to try to remember to do it though.
And again, I took my double dosage, as increased by my new psychiatrist a few hours ago. I just have no idea when it will kick in. God help me if this continues and worsens into Day 4.