Lamictal Withdrawal Take 4 -Slight Improvement

It was just a few moments ago, but I looked up for a moment and realized I was able to focus.  The Lamictal I took when it arrived must be kicking in.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still very....ill?  Disconnected?  I'm still verbally saying every word as I type it to focus on what I'm writing, but just to be able to actually see and not have the world be blurry is a step in the right direction.  But a conversation with a stranger would not be a good idea, my normal level of caring is not back, but it's hard to judge, when you've been so far from normal, what was normal like?

I called to tell my husband I thought I was starting to improve, and he said now you know what it's like to be me, to feel disconnected.  Uhhhhhh....that would be a big NEGATIVE!!!  He would not be able to hold down a job if he felt the way I do and did!  I really had tried hard to explain it, and I know he has told me he feels disconnected at times, but I must have not been able to describe it to him properly at ALL. 

It is a very hard thing to describe.  I suppose I could tell him to read my blog and he knows it exists and the web address, but I thought I had already explained it.  Guess not or he just doesn't get it.  Or it's impossible to understand unless you have felt it, maybe it doesn't sound bad at all unless you have gone through it, like someone not possibly being able to understand being depressed, I mean to point of being suicidal, unless they have been there.  How do you describe that level of darkness?  Both are feelings so intense that they are beyond words.  I know that sounds weird, a feeling of being disconnected and being emotionless as being intense, but...it is, it was, I'm saying it was because it is improving, ever so slightly.

I never EVER want to go through this again, it is horrible, awful, debilitating.  I wish Lamictal withdrawal was something I could throw up and get it over with, or least feel normal for a period of time. 

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