When I walked into her office - she had a little dog, JUST like mine, but maybe twice the size, which is still small, since Bailey weighs 6 pounds. I guess it's a therapy dog? It was a great conversation starter anyway, but she put him away which made me sad but probably very wise. I would have talked and gushed and played with the dog all hour which may have been why she put him in his crate.
There had been a very personal questionnaire I had to fill out before I even saw her, and like I said, some questions I just don't know how to answer. I had been 20 minutes late getting there! I'm still getting used to traffic here, and even though I don't live in the city, going anywhere here takes twice as long as I expect it to. Her office was 20 miles away, but it took an hour to get there.
20 minutes late, then the paperwork took 20 minutes to complete, and I was rushing it! We chatted for a bit, then she started going over my answers, not in detail, and not every one, just generally. I told her I didn't really know the answers to all of the questions, but she said there was no right or wrong answer, just a starting point. YES, that question I mentioned in my last post was on there - "Do you hear voices or see things that are there that other people do not?" I went ahead and put yes, but she didn't even ask me about it.
We talked about why I had been going to a psychiatrist, did I agree with my diagnosis, the medications I was on, surgeries I'd had, etc. She was quite shocked to find out I hadn't been going to a therapist, and a therapist hadn't referred me to her. She said that's normally how it works.
Of course I had to talk about all the yucky stuff, but there's only so much you can say in an hour, and I'm not going to volunteer anything that is not asked specifically. The only thing I did bring up was my basement issue. She said that was post traumatic stress disorder, but good that I was aware enough to realize what caused it.
She was very interested in my experience with Latuda - everyone always is!! She said, as I know, it is still a pretty new drug but that her patients have had overall good experiences with it as well, either no weight gain or some have had weight loss like myself, and do very well on it. I'm sure not EVERYONE, it's like any psychiatric drug I'm sure. But I told her of all of the psychiatric drugs I've taken, Latuda by far has been the most positive on my overall mental health. I haven't needed to change anything since July 2011, when I started it, and haven't had any "emergency appointments" with my psychiatrist since I started it.
She did ask about the mania part of my bipolar - I said I didn't get the "ups" that people do. I get irritation, but really it's the depression that worries me. She said it sounded like I was bipolar 2. I have no idea. I don't trust doctors diagnoses anymore. But lately I've not been trusting them and it's been getting me in trouble.
About Lamictal - only taking the other half when I got irritated until it went away? She said I didn't need to do that, I didn't have to split it by morning and night. I should take the full dosage all at once. Wow, that sounded awesome to me! To take what I actually need to take ALL THE TIME, not just when I get that horrible irritation? Well yes, of course I'm going to buy into that!
So that's the only thing she changed of my medication, wrote me all new prescriptions, I go back in two months. She gave me the name of a therapist that she said she thought I would really like, but I haven't made an appointment yet. When I got the name I was very excited to start seeing a therapist, but now that it comes down to calling to make the appointment, I feel dread. Sitting in a room talking about miserable things? Ugh. Who wants to do that? Who likes to do that? It sounds AWFUL! It *IS* awful!
I absolutely hate talking about my past to therapists or just about anyone. I want it to just go away!! And then I get so emotional, and I don't WANT to get emotional, to get mad again, to get sad again, go through all of that pain again! And then have them say things like she did that made me start to cry, "You must feel so abandoned." WHY do I really need to hear that and feel bad and all of a sudden feel sorry for myself and start to cry?
It does not sound pleasant but...I'll call and make an appointment. Eventually. I'll try to today. Try.