Strange, strange symptoms/withdrawal effects/Clueless!!!

My brain is still really foggy, I guess, and it's so strange because I can't tell.  You don't know what you don't know, right?  I suppose I'm still recovering from the Lamictal withdrawal.  If it's in my system, why is it taking so long?  Or is this depression related also?  I have no idea, absolutely none.

I've always found it difficult to use Mark's radio in his car, flipping through his mp3 songs, and as I once again struggled to figure out how to find the song I wanted, I said "this is NOT very"...and then I couldn't think of the word I've said so many times when complaining about his system.  It made me crazy.  Why couldn't I think of the word?  I said "Mark, you know what word I mean, it starts with an I".  He said "innovative".  I said "Yes, that's right, thanks!" and he laughed.  I didn't understand why he was laughing, and he said "that's not even the word you were looking for, you were wanting to say intuitive".  That made me nuts.  I couldn't think of the word, and when he told me a word, I didn't even realize that was the wrong word?  So glad he's having fun with this. 

We went into Target and we both had the use the restroom.  When I got into the restroom, there was water on the floor, and I slipped and fell.  My feet just completely slipped off the floor and I crashed hard on my hand, scraping it a bit, but I was fine.  I walked out and showed Mark and told him I had a "slip and fall" on water and showed him my hand.  He looked at me kind of funny, and I realized what he was thinking.  I said "NO, there really WAS water on the floor!"  What is he seeing that I am not?  What is it that I am doing that I do not realize? 

The weirdest thing happened later, though.  I was in the closet putting on my nightgown, and I lost my balance and crashed to floor, hitting my head on the stand up mirror.  I banged my knee up pretty good.  Mark ran into the closet and asked if I was okay and I said yes, but I was so confused.  What had just happened?  The only thing I could say was "There really WAS water on the floor at Target."

After the Target incident, we were driving home, and I was thinking about going for a run and asked Mark what he thought, weather wise.  He didn't look like it was such a good idea.  I asked if it was because of the weather, and he said no, and I said, do you think I'll get lost or something?  The running trail around our house can be confusing and yes, I'll admit, my memory is bad right now, and he said it's not that, I just don't know if you are going to fall.  OMG, seriously?

But yet, I know other people see things that are different about me that I can not see myself.  They don't tell me until later.  My therapist was describing to me how I was acting at the session before the last one, and I had no idea.  I thought I had been completely normal, but she was describing it like it was way, far from normal.

I thought it would be fun to play music trivia, which I am *SO GOOD AT*, and had him choose any song, any artist, and I would guess them both from YouTube.  But then I realized right away - really stupid idea.  I was clueless.  I knew I had heard the song before, I knew I normally knew every word but for some reason couldn't think of every word, and the name of the artist and song?  That was beyond me.  Right away I told him that was a bad idea, I just wasn't capable of playing that game.  He said no, I'll choose something really easy, something popular right now, something I play all the time in my car.  That just made it more frustrating for me.  And then I would ask him to play a song I would want to hear (we were doing this on the television - with google tv, I wasn't looking at his computer), but the name of the song would escape me, I would tell him one word of the lyrics, like "lipstick" for Maroon 5's "One More Night" (wow, just thinking of that title now was a struggle), but honestly that was all I could remember, just that the word lipstick was in the song.  He would go through song after song of theirs until FINALLY he got it.  But that was all I could remember.  Even right NOW, there is an actor, I can see his face, hear his voice, and it is absolutely driving me CRAZY who he is, where I have seen him, what he is in.  Mark wanted to help.  I said okay, he has an English or British accent, he's thin, with straight short hair, parts it on the side, I think most of the time he wears a button up shirt, and I believe he's in some sort of comedy.  He just looked at me and said "That's not enough to go on, I don't think I can help."  Yeah, that's not enough to go on.  I wish I could take the image that is in my brain and put it in google image search and it would come up with who it is!

So I wonder what other weird things I am doing?  One of the reasons I went to Target was to get coffee - nope, didn't remember to get it while there.  And I *even* decided I wanted Starbucks while there, you would think that my wanting a coffee would jog my memory that we NEEDED coffee?  I only went there for maybe three things and it nagged me the whole time...what WAS it that I needed for both Mark and I..what was it, what was it, what was it?

I have no idea how long this will last, what I am going to feel for awhile, what an idiot I look like, sound like, math is totally out of the question right now, not that it wasn't already. 

Hurry up medication!  Do your thing!  WHY is this taking so long!  What the HELL!  I *am* going to be back to normal, right?  This isn't permanent?  I don't have brain damage? 

4 comments:

Kristy said...

I can get forgetful when I'm mixed or manic. I have to make lists of everything or I wouldn't have no clue when I go out. I also have a list of things to do around the house. It is very frustrating but it does pass when the mood passes for me. It is like how you describe.

susie said...

Could be perimenopause... I couldn't come up with the word "shed" a couple of years ago, and I've had weird dizziness. You don't have to post this...I know how you feel about the subject.

lynn said...

Maybe a long shot, but have you ever had your thyroid checked? I take medication for mine. Symptoms of hypothyroidism include being tired all the time, and "brain fog" like you are describing. Other symptoms can be hair falling out, feeling cold a lot, and gaining weight despite diet and exercise. It's a simple blood test.

KansasSunflower said...

Kristy/Susie/Lynn - I have no idea - you could all be right! So how do I know what doctor to go to? Just my family doctor? I followed Mark to drop his car off at the dealer, TOTALLY did not see this massive semi truck who Mark watched almost smash into me and freaked both of us out. How in the world do you not see a semi coming right at you? Hopefully I can make it to Friday alive - when I see my therapist. Maybe it's still lingering disconnection from Lamitcal withdrawals? NO CLUE!

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