I've been doing better, actually getting bored sometimes now. The last time I saw my counselor I told her about the recruiting offer I got, to work with my husband's friend and it would just be from home and wouldn't take much time I don't think. She thought that was an awesome idea and also thought it would be more in line with my personality than what I've been going to school for. That would involve virtually no socialization all day, or at least a small amount, but being a recruiter again would involve a lot of interaction with people. For some reason she thinks I have such a pleasant personality and am good with people. Then again, isn't that kind of what I pay her to do, to to build me up? Help me feel better about myself? I always think people have ulterior motives because...they usually do.
For the longest time, it started when I was a teenager, I have always tried to be EXTRA nice to strangers. Not all sugary, but I've always thought...what if someone was having a horrible day and just by being nice and smiling at them and looking in their eyes, what if that changed their day to a better one? What if that simple interaction was the only good interaction they had gotten in awhile? I know that sounds so ridiculous, but hasn't everyone felt that way at some point? Maybe it's dumb and people could care less, but surely people at LEAST prefer someone is polite? I may feel like total crap and so depressed, but that doesn't mean I should not try and make other people feel better, I know I would appreciate it. That's why I like that line in the song "Bad Day" that says, "faking a smile with a coffee to go." Sure, sometimes it's not so genuine, but that isn't my purpose, it's not about me, at least I don't think?
My emotions have still been all over the place, but not as often and the emotions aren't nearly as intense. That must be progress.