I was at the store yesterday, and in the produce section, where the store begins, a woman had a little boy in the seat part of the cart, and the little girl was in the cart. The little girl was starting to cry because she did not like it in there, and the mother said very flatly that she had asked to sit in there so she was going to have to stay there.
As I was shopping, and time went on, I heard the little girl get more and more terrified, panicked, screaming "GET ME OUT!" and crying. It wasn't a bratty temper tantrum sort of way, I could hear and feel the horror and terror in her voice. She was screaming it over and over and over and over, I'm certain the entire store must have heard and this went on for what seemed an eternity. I am incredibly, incredibly claustrophobic, and as I thought about that little girl's predicament, she was in a cart and wanted out but could not get out herself, and no matter how much she cried and pleaded she was trapped, someone had put her there physically and would not release her even though she was screaming, I started having a panic attack. But there was no where I could go! Part of me wanted to find the mother and tell her she could very possibly be giving her daughter claustrophobia for the rest of her life - it was THAT BAD. But then another part of me thought, wow, that little girl is really freaked out, I think she already had claustrophobia, and if so, why? And just this feeling of being trapped and not being able to get out, it was overwhelming and all I could do was hear that girl screaming over and over, and OVER and OVER. It's freaking me out right now thinking about it.
But I am already in a panic mode. It's not the worst it's ever been, but I'm about to give in and take Klonipin. It's this sort of scared feeling, a feeling of doom, a feeling like you're trapped and can't move and you want to run, you actually might run and not be able to control your body? It's this feeling of being freaked out and absolutely not knowing what will happen and not know why, a tightness in my chest, this overwhelming feeling of wanting to flee, to protect myself. I'm not sure of what or where would make me feel "protected" in moments like this.
When I checked the mail today, I got this horrible letter. It was from the CEO of the health group of the hospital where I had my hysterectomy several months ago. Someone had broken into one of their administrative offices and stolen four computers. Although they said everything was "password protected" and "encrypted", I don't freaking care, do you know what that letter said was on those computers??? All of my identity information - social security, date of birth, address, you think of it, it was there, just think of ALL the information you give to a hospital before you have a surgery. O-M-G. That was probably a two hour call going over everything medical with a nurse in my entire life and in every aspect of my physical and mental health.
But that's not all, if you're following the story you've already GUESSED what else the thief of those computers have which freaks me out *more*. My medical information. Tied to my name, social security number, address, the list goes on. They were saying "your medical records were not there but diagnosis, medical codes, insurance info was contained on those computers...", but that doesn't matter! Like I said, maybe they don't have any actual hand-written or computer typed medical notes from my doctor, but I spent a good part of an afternoon on the phone with a nurse who was documenting all of my psychiatric and physical issues, it was ALL THERE, no notes needed! Before a major surgery, they get incredibly detailed and specific, I mean...this call went on for HOURS. I didn't even think when I started the call there would be HOURS of medical information about myself to give them!
Yes, I totally freaked, is that abnormal? Is that not the right response? So, what is their resolution? To give me a year of identity theft protection "complimentary". And instruct me to be diligent on identity theft for the next 24 months at least. But...this happened in JULY, this is now SEPTEMBER! What the hell were they waiting for to tell me? I should have been told RIGHT AWAY!
I probably protect my medical condition EVEN MORE than my identity. Sad but true, although they run pretty neck and neck as far as my careful protection of both.
I'm just totally wigging out, my computer is about to die, not even going to spellcheck.