Yeah, seems like I was saying all the things they said NOT to say. After I wrote my last post, it was maybe a few hours later, my husband called me from work to say how frustrated he was with me. In my opinion, women usually want to "fix" their husband. I want everyone around me to feel good, be happy, and will go to great lengths to do that. Whatever he says he is unhappy about, I have a need to try to give him a new perspective to change his mind or at least feel a little better. That's where his nickname of "Pollyanna" came from.
So...I read not to do that, and that is exactly what he said on the phone which got me to researching it afterwards. I learned to give him plenty of space, that it has nothing to do with me although at times he will think and tell me it does. I now have to concentrate solely on my own happiness, my own hobbies, my own life and let him go through his journey alone. Apparently he will not be the same person on the other side, but perhaps a happier person than before.
So now that I am no longer showing him how he is lucky when he is complaining things suck, I just agree with him. I had NO idea how often my natural response was to try to make it positive, it is practically all the time. I know this because I now have to think to stop myself from doing it, and it is a lot. BUT...I guess that also means he complains a lot - about everything basically. I'm sure he has, but I can't remember him saying anything really positive lately except things like I love you and Bailey is such a good dog. Well, he is, the best dog in the world! : ) My best friend, my constant companion, and oh, so very sweet, even though he is an ankle biter to strangers who come into the house! But a 6 pound dog without all of his teeth just makes people laugh when he bites them. It's still embarrassing and I do all I can to prevent it.
My life is boring, boring, boring. But our anniversary is next weekend, and then Mark's parents are coming to visit us for a few days. My biggest concern about them coming? What in the world am I going to cook for them. Mark and I each have our own daily breakfast we always eat, during the week I eat a Lean Cuisine and his workplace provides him lunch, and I am just left with making dinner for us. On the weekends, we go somewhere for lunch and again I make dinner unless it is date night. So what do I do about breakfast and lunch? I have no clue. Make pancakes? Eggs and bacon? And when people eat at home for lunch, what do they eat? Mark's company caters lunch from different restaurants for him every day, and I don't think they will be happy with one of my Lean Cuisines. I know that is probably weird not to know what to do for breakfast and lunch, but we have had our own system for what seems like forever now.
Emotionally I seem okay except I have no idea why, it just seems like I need a klonipin in the afternoons. I can't really describe how I feel. Just like I desperately need to bring how I feel down a notch. Is it anxiety? Too much coffee? That's what it feels like so I should probably cut down the amount of coffee I drink and see what happens. I have been drinking a lot, but I have in the past I'm sure and never seemed to have a need to "bring it down" a notch? I could see where if I liked the taste of alcohol and had no klonipin I might consider a drink to calm me, but I hate alcohol and it gives me hangovers at just the slightest amount depending on what it is. I can sort of see how people with bipolar disorder can become alcoholics now, except I'm still suspicious that it is the coffee.
Mark has been complaining that he seems to be gaining weight, things don't fit as well as they used to. Well, I am DEFINITELY not going to tell him this, but he has been drinking about two beers per night now. Those calories add up - guess he has never heard of a "beer belly". I know he thinks because he runs he can eat whatever he wants, and he's right, he never seemed to gain weight, until now. But it could also be the tremendous amount of pressure he is under at work, the unhappiness at his mid-life crisis, etc. One time he was telling me about how unhappy he was and I told him he wasn't helping anything by drinking a depressant every night. It would just sink him lower and lower but he didn't like that response. When it comes to how certain things affect your mood, I'm a border line expert probably! But you can't make someone do something they don't want to do and right now, he is so unhappy, I just give up, which I am supposed to do anyway. He sees a therapist so they can deal with it together.
I still think it is weird that a few hours after I wrote my last post about how frustrated and upset I was, once he got to work and would have had time to read it, he called me all upset, kind of addressing what I had said in it. However, why would he not have been frustrated with me over the same things? I was at the end of my rope with him and he probably felt the same. We worked it out though.
We are debating whether it is going to snow this week. I say definitely not, he says definitely it will. All I know is you can't trust the weather forecast for Chicago. Whatever they say it will do, the exact opposite will happen. I just plan things and ignore the weather forecast because it is always wrong anyway.