I actually have a friend here in Chicago that said those exact words to me about herself and what she does to bring her thoughts to the present and how much it had helped her. I sent her a message asking for perhaps a book I could start out with to learn how to meditate, although she goes somewhere every weekend to meditate. I've done yoga and maybe it was just the classes I've tried, but it didn't really teach me think in the present. I was too worried the whole time that I was doing the poses wrong and looked like an idiot, especially because everyone else was able to do them. Yes, I'm sure they were all like me once when they started out, but that doesn't keep me from being self conscious.
We are actually making plans to see each other soon, so hopefully I'll get a chance to quiz her but I'd like to go ahead and start with a book or something. I suppose I could search youtube as well.
I told my husband about it, and how I feel like I'm always asking him "Are you okay?" "Are you mad at me?", thinking a lot of times that is what I was worrying about and looking for an answer from him that will take away my anxiety, but even when he gives me the answer I am looking for, I don't believe him and it does nothing to help me. He also said he didn't feel like I did that at all to him. Maybe I don't do it as much as I thought I did, but that doesn't mean that isn't something that is constantly on my mind. It's not just that, though. I worry about a LOT of things - like one day my dog is going to die and how I will not be able to deal with that - just a lot of other things. I don't always just enjoy being with my dog, I get clingy with him, think about him and worry about him being upset when no one is at home with him. It could be anything, but right now it seems to be worrying I am going to lose the two closest things to me.
This is the first holiday season I can remember in such a long time where I am not depressed about it! It is SUCH an awesome feeling to be able to enjoy the holidays and look forward to them instead of dread them. I was SO happy when we moved, thinking I wouldn't have to go to my in-laws for holidays ever again, but now I'm actually excited that we are for Thanksgiving, not really bothered (at least not too much) having to see Mark's sister. No matter how she acts towards me, I will NOT let it ruin my holiday or my mood. Her attitude towards me is her issue, her problem, not mine. I'm not responsible for her feelings, I can't change them, and my therapist just told me to ignore any negative way she acts towards me, choose not to care about it, or at least pretend I don't care. Go ahead and say hello to her and if she doesn't respond and chooses to ignore my existence again, just carry on, talk to her if I want or don't want and don't worry about her reaction (of lack thereof). So I'm prepared to just relax and have a good time and once again, STOP WORRYING which makes me so very anxious!
I'm really glad my psychiatrist didn't just prescribe a new pill, something that will numb me and medically try to alter my anxiety and giving me suggestions on how to manage it myself. I think it totally relates to my insecurities in general and somehow I need to work on that. I'm sure that means I need to be more confident in myself, but just saying I need to do that doesn't change a single thing. I'm not sure how exactly to fix that about myself. I suppose that's where my psychological "team" comes in?