I was so upset last night I ended up taking SEVEN Geoden - a medication that I haven't taken in two years apparently, because that was the date on the bottle. I hate the drug actually - turns me into a zombie and I just sleep and sleep, but that was the goal. I think that taking so many all at once improved my mood today? But he also didn't rant and rave so much either, so who knows, but at least the anxiety and guilty feels went away, if only for today.
I saw my therapist today who helped me understand what *I* can do in this situation. So strange, she knew all of the symptoms he was displaying without my telling her everything so I have a better perspective. BUT she may want to see me more often than once a week now. She asked if I could come on a Saturday which I can, but she always calls to actually 'later to set the appointment as she has taken on a consulting job during the day to help a health care company understand what changes will be made with Obamacare which I applaud. The agency sounds like it really tries to help their patients overall even though I don't know exactly what it is.
I went to the Weight Loss clinic today and am so very, very glad they are there to help me. From the last time I weighed in April, I have gained 9 pounds. Maybe that doesn't sound like a lot to some people, but that is a whole size up, sometimes 2. My very fave clothes don't fit as well, and some not at all or I look awful in them. I think it comes down to percentages. Someone who weighed 200 pounds and gained 9 pounds - I don't know but maybe it wouldn't be a big deal. That's less than 5% of their weight. But for me, it's about 8% and that is a freaking lot! They made me do an ekg in the office, and yes, my blood pressure was low (maybe 107/76?) and my heart rate a tad bit low (58 when the norm is 60-100) but I convinced them it is because I am a runner and the doctor agreed. It lowers your heart rate, don't know about blood pressure. Now THAT could be from the overdose of Geodon but really, it's still normal I think.
Back to the weight loss clinic. In no way am I in the "overweight" category, yet they still gave me Phentermime? Sure, that was the whole reason I went, but Mark went with me one time and he is so very lean and they asked him if he had signed in to be seen for weight loss. I was thinking WOW, they really do give anyone the prescription because it would be impossible to look at him and think he needed to lose weight. But I am happy to have it, I won't take it to lose a ton of weight. Just 15 pounds, but more than that would be awesome! They will give me a prescription for 3 months, I already know that, as long as I feel I need to lose weight. I mean I guess, I never looked like a stick even when I went in and weigh in the 120's. BUT, I always make sure I get weighted there weighing the most heavy things possible. Today I was wearing the full size, tall Ugg boots, jeans and a sweater. LOTS of weight for clothes and I had considered putting on my coat for more poundage. I'm afraid if I don't do that, they may start refusing me.
After awhile, the prescription DOES affect my mood and not in a pleasant way. I'm just simply not as happy but now that I'm taking an anti-depressant, hopefully it will not change. But I absolutely have to lose weight! I'm going to some sort of "gala" next week and found out a lot of Mark's coworkers and some above him are going and bringing their wives. AND, we're going to his parents for Thanksgiving. There's always that evil step-sister to think about.
That's about it - I'm getting tired finally and am going to bed.