The Trail and Just Getting It All Out!

I always talk about running on our trail in our neighborhood, so I thought I'd post a few pictures so anyone who cares can see what I see when I run! : )

This is the steep hill I talk about training on for elevation.  It doesn't look that steep in this picture for some reason, but trust me, it is!  

Bailey "hamming it up" in his Dad's "toy".

So this is the trail, and sometimes I walk Bailey on it.  Obviously, this was taken this summer. : )

On my street, with Mark and his toy in the far distance.  I thought if I posted a picture far away enough no one could recognize him!

Again, the trail.  It's 7 miles long.

Last picture of the trail.

This is really, really weird.  In the background, that is a junior high. It's hard to see in this picture, but there are HUNDREDS of geese/ducks that hang out there in the mornings.  It scares the crap out of me!  I always think they are going to decide to attack me all at once, like in the Alfred Hitchcock's movie, "The Birds". They actually have to get out of my way on the trail, barely in time.  They are definitely in NO HURRY!

So that's it, where I run.  And strangely enough, here in Chicago everyone's grass is still green, we're still getting it mowed (in November!), yet there are no leaves on the trees left because it is cold.  I can only assume everyone has grass that does well in cold climates.  In Texas we had Bermuda which I assume must be good for hotter climates.  I wonder what kind of grass we all have?

It is so difficult to talk to my husband still.  I think he's getting better, he said he's moved on to the "acceptance phase" (of his mid-life crisis, but he doesn't like to call it that), and not angry anymore.  I choose to disagree!  He STILL gets angry and goes on and on about things I've heard a million times now.  Finally today I said "can I not just get a break for ONCE??".  Wow, that did not make him happy at all. Can't remember for sure, but that may have been what sent him upstairs to be alone and watch television in bed by himself.  So not like him, but I assumed that meant he wanted time to himself so I didn't go with him.  I did keep yelling his name and asking if he was okay.  I honestly cannot say anything when he's on a rant except to agree and that's hard to do when someone is saying they're a failure and you honestly do not believe that to be true.  But it's his crisis and his reality and no one is going to make him see it any differently.  I want to tell him this is a big struggle for me as well, but my therapist told me that right now *I* have to be the strong one, he's always carried me, so...I will plug on.

I did something a bit crazy the other day.  I got a Brazilian, only...I wanted a "landing strip" left, and instead, she removed EVERYTHING!  I must say, yes, it is painful like people say, but for me, it didn't take long at all so it wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.  And other than taking more hair than I thought she would, she was SO  nice.  I told her all my insecurities - being scared, being embarrassed, and she was very soothing.  This place I've found that does all this stuff - it's really awesome and I absolutely love all the girls there.  They used thread on my eyebrows (again, a bit painful, but I suppose better than getting them waxed) and I asked for individual lashes on my eyes.  It was so freaking cheap!  Rarely does that happen - awesome service and a price so cheap that you find it hard to believe.

I'm really starting to wonder if I'm getting hypomanic.  It's not my normal kind of hypo - irritation and anger.  I feel really, really good but I'm buying lots of stuff and not even thinking about our budgets for everything.  I felt so bad that when Mark asked what I wanted for Christmas I sent to links to very pretty earrings, but I know our budget for Christmas and it is about $300 less than that.  I just told him I am wanting to really decorate the house for Christmas instead of a gift - I actually asked if he could not give me a gift at all, but I have NO idea what he is going to say when he gets the credit card bills.

AND - suddenly I am TOTALLY addicted to ebay!  I've had such wonderful luck getting the best deals on hard to find items and they arrive perfectly and packed so much better than if you bought something from a store.  I think I counted 8 purchases, but the highest thing I've bought is $35.00, and cheapest is maybe $3.00 - $5.00.  So I'm not putting us into bankruptcy, is SO not like me at ALL.  I would just delete the app from my phone because I doubt I would use it as much on my laptop, but, well...there are still items out there and once I get them I need to give feedback. : )  Every day I keep thinking "no ebay" today, then it starts out slowly and I find myself once again obsessed!

Of course Mark has seen packages coming in the mail so I finally told him I thought I was hypo and gave him all the reasons I just said.  He just said it's got to be so good feeling great after going so long feeling so bad.  Yes, he's absolutely right.  I hate, hate, HATE feeling great and have to stop and think to myself - do I feel TOO good?  Can't I just FEEL good once in awhile without someone deciding they need to "bring me down"?  That never goes well.  I always end up in a serious depression being brought down.

The Phentermine I started taking on...Wednesday afternoon I think has absolutely left me with ZERO appetite, almost ever.  And if I do get hungry, I take a few bites and immediately think why am I  eating when I'm not hungry and stop.  It alarmed Mark a bit yesterday because we had two meals together, but he just said "every time you start taking that medicine you have zero appetite in the beginning".  It's true.  The longer you take it, your appetite starts coming back and that is why they make you stop taking it in the fourth month. I'm not sure if I've lost any weight yet.  I did get on the scale and it said I had lost 5 pounds, but I totally do NOT trust that scale.  I'm going to weigh "for real" on Thursday morning before I start getting ready for "the gala".

Have I mentioned that yet?  We're going to a gala on Thursday night.  I've never been to one and found out several of Mark's bosses are going as well so...not much drinking for me!  I don't want to end up in the bathroom for half the night and that is what happens if I drink too much.  SO hard not to do when you are hanging out with Chicagoans.  They are SERIOUS drinkers!  Mark told me before I moved here not to even try to keep up with everyone and I learned my lesson the hard way.  How in the world can people handle so much alcohol?  I suppose they build up a tolerance.

I think I've typed enough, I'm sure this is long and boring but had a lot to get out.


susie said...

Very glad to see pictures on your blog. More, please.

You are so lucky to have that trail. I miss that about Chicago.

People drink a lot here too.

Time to cut MY lawn.

KansasSunflower said...

Thanks, Suse! You were actually my inspiration to post some pictures, especially the day you took a walk to the bank and got lost. : ) So beautiful where you live, all those trees!!!!

So...when you say get YOUR lawn cut, I'm curious as to which lawn you mean? In your yard or your person? : ) HAHA, I never used to think like this, I'm losing it Suse. : )

lynn said...

Looks like it would be fun to ride a bike on that trail as well. And not crowded!

KansasSunflower said...

Lynn - you're very right! People do cycle on it quite a bit, but it doesn't look like the serious cyclists do, just casual ones. I have NO idea why, but there are TONS of serious bike riders in my area. I think it's because there is a long bicycle trail nearby and they are training, or at least they look like they could be!

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