Monday, January 21, 2013

Found A House/More To This Life

We looked at so many houses today it was dizzying, I think 9 or 10.  It came down to two that we had a hard time deciding which one we wanted more. One had a better location, one was a much nicer house. Yes, I know people say "location, location, location", but we weren't "in love" with that house as much as we were the other house.  I think we saw it more as an investment.  Who wants to live in what you consider an investment, not a home?  It was a very nice house, but we each had our own major issue with it, so we decided on the other house which is only 10 minutes away from that house and still in a great community. I am really, really excited and have been freaked out tonight that something will happen - someone will make an offer before we get a chance to, anything could happen.  I mean, this is like a dream home to me.  TO ME, not toe  everyone, but TO ME.  Yes, we took a loss in our house in Texas, but we are more than making up for it here!  I just feel bad for anyone who has to sell their house right now.  It sucks for everyone, there's no getting around it.  For every house, I look to see what someone originally paid for it and what they're selling it for and it's truly sad and heartbreaking.  The people we're making an offer to tomorrow will be taking a $150k loss.  I can't imagine anyone selling their house right now willingly, but I suppose there are reasons.  Our agent said they are relocating just like we are.

 I ran a 5k yesterday in the cold, and today I used the Stair Master in the apartment gym. It always amazes me when I'm at a gym and look around and everyone looks like they're already very fit, except myself of course. I'm sure that's a big part of how they stay fit, but what about the people WORKING to get fit? I remember in Texas I would see overweight people on the running trails and would be SO HAPPY to see them, they inspired me! They were out doing something about their weight, getting fit, and I had no idea if they had already lost 100 pounds and that excited me not knowing. I myself was much, much heavier when I started running, but I was running on a treadmill in the beginning.  I have been passed several times by people who "look" less fit than myself, but let's face it, that doesn't take much to look less fit than me! I see myself as this big blob and I look horrible in my clothes right now because I've put on about 10 pounds I think. I left my scale in Texas, but that's what it said when we left and I wasn't at a weight that I wanted to be before I gained 10 pounds.  But even just to maintain what I am today, exercise has got to be a regular part of my week.  I'm not 20 anymore, and I've seen what no exercise does to older people.

My blog feels very superficial lately. I'm not really a superficial person, I just have a lot of superficial things going on right now.  When I was exercising this morning, a song came on my headphones that almost made my knees buckle.  I hadn't heard it in forever.  This song, to me, yes, this song is what life is all about.  I remember my life without God.  It didn't have much meaning.  I don't understand a life without God.  Sure, I totally get people who haven't experienced what I and many other people have and can't comprehend a life without God in it, you don't know what you don't know.  In my teenage years, I used to make it my mission to tell everyone about God and how much meaning He had brought to my life so they could have it too, because why wouldn't they want to have so much more that I had experienced in my life if only they just knew about it?  I thought they just didn't understand and all I had to do was explain it.  It's not that easy.  I thought I was handing them this wonderful unwrapped present and all they had to do was open it and it would change their life the way it had changed mine, but it didn't work out that way.  So, if you're not a Christian and someone is very evangelical in your life and it drives you crazy, just know they believe they have this wonderful gift that they only want you to share because they care about you.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Back to Feeling Normal?

I received my Latuda in the mail today, all is right in the world again.  Of course it doesn't work that fast, but my mood did pick up after I had the break down a couple of days ago and I stupefied myself with all that klonipin.  My husband commented today when I picked up my medication that I seemed happy without it, I was laughing, etc.  Hello, welcome to the world of being bipolar with extreme mood swings!  Just as fast as I'm happy and laughing, I can come crashing down and the world is awful, terrible, and nothing in it is good.  Today I *love love love* Chicago, don't want to be anywhere else, think this is the best move I could have ever made.  I bet if you read my blog a few days ago, it probably says that this is the worst thing I could have ever done and everything has gone wrong.  It's either all good or all bad when I'm not taking the proper dosage or all of my medication. 

I am just really feeling lately that the mentally ill are being treated unfairly by the government lately. Not that they have been doing it lately, I'm sure it's been all along, but I have noticed it lately. In Chicago, this really cute girl with bipolar disorder, maybe 22 years old or so who had just graduated from college and might have moved back in with her parents had what they described in the news as an "episode", I don't know what they mean by that.  All I know is that they arrested her and she was throwing herself against the bars in her cell, so it must have been quite an "episode" and she was very manic.  Anyway, her parents called the jail NINE TIMES, NINE - to tell them about her mental illness and perhaps to pick her up.  So what did they do?  They dropped her off in short shorts and a cropped off shirt in a high crime area without a cellphone where she was raped and thrown out of a 7 story building, causing permanent physical damage, including brain damage.  She'll have to be cared for by her parents for the rest of her life.  Chicago awarded the family the highest payout ever for the city - $25 million.  But why did it get to that?  And why are people with mental illness taking the fall for gun ownership and all of these new laws?  Sure, it's easy to explain away a horrendous crime by saying "that person must have been mentally ill and shouldn't have had a gun", but that's usually not the case. It may seem like anyone who would commit a horrendous crime would be mentally ill, but no, psychopaths obviously really do exist!

The house hunting is exhausting, and I feel like we've been given a lemon of a real estate agent in helping us find a house. She's not very helpful in the actual finding of homes, we do better ourselves searching the internet and sending her addresses of what we want to see.  And then there are mix-ups that I have to correct and I try to be polite, but sometimes I'm just in a rush and send off an email without a chance to think to say "please", etc.  I think we're looking at 9 or 10 houses tomorrow.  Apartment living is NOT for us.  Maybe if we hadn't lived in our house for 10 years and had always lived in an apartment that would be different. But there are so many things I hate about it, so many inconveniences that I took for granted when I lived in a house, even as simple as deliveries to my door instead of going to the office to pick up packages during their hours, making that extra trip that may be for nothing if the package isn't even there.  That's just one small inconvenience out of about a million, but...we are paying absolutely nothing to live in a very nice apartment so I should just be thankful.  And I am!  I just want to buy a house and move already!

I gave in and bought a "puffy coat" today for the cold weather here.  I walked about a mile from my school to the train station and knew if I was going to do that regularly, I would need very warm clothing.  I actually do want to do it regularly - it's good exercise.  We went to Nordstrom's and they were having a great sale!  I bought a really cute coat - well, cute, hmm.  I don't think the puffy coats are cute, but it's a nice coat, actually the nicest coat I've ever owned, but it's the first coat I've ever really *needed* for frigid temperatures.  It was $800 on sale for a little over $500, which is still a lot but I got a lot for that. I think it's made by Dawn Levy - you can google it and get an idea of what it looks like.  The fur makes it pretty, and I didn't realize until I got home that it was real fox fur.  I don't know how I feel about that - wearing real fur even if it's just trim, but I assumed it was faux when I bought it.  The leather gloves are my favorite though - I'm an easy girl to please that way. ; )  I've never owned serious winter weather clothes before unless you count my Uggs!  When we still lived in Dallas, I had decided for Chicago I wanted a shearling coat, but those are about $1500, and I don't think they even have those at Nordstrom.  Maybe next year!  Or the next, or the next, or....

I ran today - just a 5k, and there's really nowhere to run around here.  I was running around parking lots and things.  Very boring.  But food here is so freaking fattening that I've got to pick up the exercise!  I cook at home as much as I can!  There are TONS, and I mean TONS of running trails here, we just don't happen to live near one.

I can't emphasize enough how nice people are here.  They just are.  They are Midwesterns and proud of it, just as I'm proud to be a Midwestern who was stuck in the south for waaaay too long.  I try not to say that to Mark because he is missing Texas I'm sure, the way I used to miss Kansas, but it sure feels good to be back with people who seem to be more like me. : )
Friday, January 18, 2013

Getting My Latuda, Thank God

I'm better.  I took 3 klonipin when I broke down yesterday and it calmed me down and left me numb for the rest of the day.  My awesome realtor in Texas went to our house, found my Latuda and sent it overnight to me, so I should have it soon.  After being relatively stable for so long, I had forgotten just how fragile my mental state really is.  Depression is ever so near and close that I just can't take my mental stability for granted.  There is never a good time to "break down" or fall into that impossibly deep hole, but it's letting yourself get so far into it that you can't climb out that scares THE HELL out of me. Let's face it - feeling suicidal scares me which was not the case today, but I was not able to function. I no longer have a psychiatrist, and getting one will require the standard consultation of "getting to know you" before medication is prescribed probably, and I'm dreading that.

Mark kept trying to help, telling me all of the good things in my life and all of the good things in my future, but he doesn't get it.  I kept telling him NOTHING external will make me feel better. I understand that's how a "normal person's" brain works, but not with someone who has a chemical imbalance. I'm looking through dark colored lenses - there is a storm cloud above my head everywhere I go.

Tomorrow I have to go back into the city again.  My school is downtown, and I'm somewhat afraid of going downtown.  Not of the people or anything like that, but of walking in the cold and getting lost.  My first experience was HORRIBLE, and it's FREAKING COLD to be walking to your destination, even just a few blocks. Mark helped me tonight to find the train station in our city and I'm glad he did.  I would have had a lot of trouble finding it on my own, at least the parking lot for the train station. Public transportation is so new to me, but people assure me the Metra is not gross and I won't mind it.  I have no idea how I'll know when I'm at the stop I'll need to get off at.  Do they announce it?  And my Mapquest doesn't work so well in the city.  It leads me all over the place when I'm walking, like in the opposite direction of my destination.  Maybe I'll just get a cab from the train station to school this one time and pay attention to how they get there to school.

I don't have to be at school until later.  They are testing me to see what speed I need to be in, and I'm scared to death. I didn't practice for a month, and just practiced for maybe an hour or two today. I should be in the 140's class because I passed all my 120's, but now I have no idea if I can even pass any 120's. I guess if I don't pass 120's, they can put me in a lower speed and I can work my way back up very quickly as I gain speed again.

We are looking at houses in Naperville and N. Plainfield. We can get a much nicer house in N. Plainfield, but I really want to live in Naperville.  The apartment complex said they've had 6 or 7 complaints about our dog barking.  He's used to being a house dog and not used to all the people coming and going outside of our apartment. We need to hurry and find a house before we get kicked out.  Yes, I'm going to do my best to keep my dog from barking, but it breaks my heart.  He's not an apartment dog.  Actually, we're not apartment people, even though this is an extremely nice apartment.

I guess that's it.  I should probably go back to bed, but as usual, it's the middle of the night, and I don't want to.
Thursday, January 17, 2013

No Help From Anyone

Somehow I left Texas with an almost empty bottle of Latuda, leaving my new 3-month supply.  I've been out for three days, and today I'm feeling it.  It seems too soon, but I'm incredibly weepy, I guess depressed, I don't know, but I can't stop crying at anything or to anyone. Moving to Chicago seems like the worst possible thing I could have done and nothing seems to have gone right for me since I've moved here.

For all the hoopla being made in the news right now about "OH MY GOD THE MENTALLY ILL", you'd think if I'd left my medicine in Texas and moved to Illinois the insurance company would bend over backwards to make sure I had medication so I wouldn't go off the charts and do who knows what harm to humanity.  But no, they denied a refill, and Latuda is extremely expensive.  I called my psychiatrist in Texas and the receptionist is going to ask if he will call in a 30 day refill to a pharmacy here in Illinois, but of course I'll have to pay for it.  I'm sure it will be over $500, I hope not over $1000.  Then she warned me some prescriptions can't be prescribed over state lines.  She didn't know which ones.

I just took 3 klonipin, I don't know what else to do.  Sit here and cry?  Think about how everything has gone wrong?  Worry about the future? Cry about the past? It seems so desperate and so sad and I feel so lonely and so alone and...I really can't take this.  I really can't.

I really can't take this.  I really can't.  I can't live this way, but I feel like no one is going to be able to help me.  People scream in the news every day I watch it about the "mentally ill" and how dangerous they are, yet...there is little to no help for us.  I'm no danger to anyone but myself, but I now see how little help the "mentally ill"  have.  People just like to complain about us and blame us, not help us.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013

New York's New "Gun Mental Health" Law

I am very, very concerned about New York's new law.  I have no opinion about guns, that battle belongs to other people, not me. 

What is in the law DOES disturb me very much, very, very much.  Part of the mental illness section of the bill is that if a person is determined to be a danger of harming himself or others, a doctor must report that to the GOVERNMENT.  The government then goes to that person's house and seizes their guns, if they have any, of course.  I've never owned a gun, and I've never been any harm to anyone except myself and never, ever by a gun, are you kidding me?     

But then the government labels someone like me, who might at one time be suicidal, to be a "harm to society" forever? Who can search this government database that people are reporting to?  Will it affect me getting a job in the future?  Maybe a house?  How do I know if that will or will not happen?  How will I know if it will be searchable on the internet by anyone one day? 

I know exactly what it will keep me from doing.  Telling ANYBODY how I'm feeling.  If I feel suicidal, I will not tell a doctor who would report it to the government and label me a "threat to society" for the rest of my life, unknowingly ruining my life in I don't know how many ways.

Spare me the "if it saves JUST ONE LIFE". If it saves "just one life", why don't we ban boating?  There are boating deaths every year, skiing deaths every year, I could go on and on.

I have to find a new psychiatrist.  I will bring this up.  And it will be a major decider on if I choose to stay with that doctor or move on to another one.  And no matter what they say, I simply won't tell them if I do feel at harm to myself now.  How will I ever know if/when the laws change here?

I don't FEEL "mentally ill".  Yet society won't let me forget it.  It's this deep dark secret that they MAKE me keep shoving deeper and deeper into a dark, dark corner where no one can find it but the very, very few that I choose to let see it.  When I went to the family doctor last week, I didn't even tell him I was bipolar or on any medications.  He prescribed antibiotics and cough medicine not knowing.  But I'd rather have that happen than get "that look" from everyone.  I'd rather no one know any more.  I think that will be my M.O. now that I've moved and I'm getting all new doctors.  No one will know.  Except my psychiatrist.
Monday, January 14, 2013

Observations about Chicago

Before bed tonight, I walked the dog and it was 19 degrees outside.  I didn't comprehend what that would be like in the WINDY CITY until I got outside - holy hell!  People live like this?  And survive? I don't know why it seemed so very cold, I've run in 25 degree weather in Dallas, but 19 and windy at night was something I was not prepared for at all! Mark ran this morning when it was a little bit icy on the roads - I thought he was crazy, but he's been coming to Chicago and running for five years now so he's used to the weather.

I've been trying to figure out what people WEAR here in the winter.  Are Uggs still in style?  Are they not?  People wear coats of all sorts, there's not a dominant style.  Riding boots are all the rage, and I do have those, they just aren't as warm and comfy as my Uggs that we would wear in 60 degree weather in Dallas. Mark hates them and I realize they're not attractive, so maybe I'll retire them.  So very hard to do.

It seems like people don't dress up as much here or wear as much makeup or have as stylish haircuts, etc.  It's kind of refreshing, but at the same time, I don't want to get lazy because other people spend less energy on their appearance.  No, it's not like I spend a lot of time on it either, I just don't want to go backwards. I would like to figure out what the style is here, but there doesn't really seem to be one.  I guess I'll just keep doing what I've done for awhile now - read magazines for the latest fashion tips and buy what I like from my favorite stores.

I got out of bed because I couldn't stop coughing.  I *tried* to tell the doctor that I get stubborn bronchitis, but he gave me the same medicine he gave Mark.  I don't blame him, why would you start someone out aggressively right away?  I'm going to have to find a family doctor right away and start some serious treatment on this cough....again.  UGH!  What is wrong with me?  Why do I get these nagging coughs that last forever?

Back to bed - Try #2.
Saturday, January 12, 2013

And the House Hunting Begins!

Crazy day.  Out of three showings on our house, we got three offers in the first two days it was listed.  They got into a bidding war, and we went with an offer that was slightly over the asking price. It's so strange. I watched homes sit in our neighborhood for 6+ months without selling and that's what I had prepared myself for as well.  We're looking at homes tomorrow. Ideally I'd live to live in Naperville, but we found a few in Plainfield (north or south, I don't remember, but the realtor said that was important), a few in Naperville, and one, strangely enough, in Aurora. I know very little about these areas, but all we're doing is looking.

I was supposed to enroll in school this morning but called and told them I was sick, so I'm enrolling on the first day of school on Monday. I don't have a clue how to get from Lombard to downtown Chicago.  We haven't even been to downtown Chicago yet.

Everyone here is SO NICE!  Except for the weather which seems to be cloudy all the time, I love it. I'm not even used to my own neighbors stopping and just watching me until I notice them just to wave or say hello.  Mark doesn't like to hear me say this. He's afraid I'm going to go to Chicago and try to talk to strangers.  But they're so nice!  I think he can rest assured that if someone looked like a thug I wouldn't talk to them. And I don't rush up and talk to people, they usually initate it. But this is DAY TWO here. I think it's okay to compare Dallas and the Chicago 'burbs!

Mentally I seem to be holding up okay to the move which is surprising to me. Physically, not so well.  I've put on weight and look awful in my clothes and of course I'm still sick from whatever this infection is. We both went to the doctor and I just took some of the hydrocodone liquid he gave me and it's hard to keep my eyes open. I'm finding myself with my eyes closed and waking up to finish this post, over and over, so night!
Friday, January 11, 2013

Road Trip - Check!

We made it! We are in our apartment and are, for the most part, unpacked.  But it was a miserable trip.  We were both sick, Mark much less so since he had taken the flu shot earlier last year.  As we drove, I got progressively worse, and now I am so sick I find myself taking hydrocodone for my throat and chest just to contain the pain, and I've had this stuff for years and years so it's not like I abuse it.  We spent the night at the Ritz Carlton which should have been a fun time, but we were so sick we ordered room service, took way too much flu medicine and went to bed.  I was worse in the morning.  Five days after getting the flu, I find that I'm actually more sick and am going to the doctor today.  I hope school understands.  I'm supposed to enroll today.

MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES! We put our house on the market on the 9th, the first showing was on the 10th, and they made an offer.  We don't have anything on paper yet, so the house is still being shown and there are three showings today!  That seems like a lot to me, but I don't know what is normal. I'm very glad I'm not living there.  I wouldn't know what to do with myself.  I can't stay there while they show the house, so what would I do for the three hours today when they show the house?  With the dog? Now I'm in panic mode.  Where the frick are we going to live?  Our real estate agent knows I'm panicked. I told her I wanted to cast a wider net than Naperville (and she mentioned Geneva, thank you Suse), and said she was sure we could find something, but she was very optimistic about Naperville. It seems like the real estate market has dried up, it is so peculiar.  Is it because of the time of year?

I love Chicago!  We're not technically IN Chicago, we're in the suburbs, but the people seem nice enough. I don't detect accents, maybe because I'm originally a Midwestern.  Yes, it's cold here. And yes, it sucks to have to walk the dog. But our apartment is adorable and has a young professional vibe.  I saw a Bentley parked in the parking garage - who would do that?  Sure, there were other luxury cars, but a Bentley? I told Mark maybe that person was here for a corporate apartment as well because he couldn't figure it out.  Then again, people put different priorities on things they like.  Some people it's cars, others it's houses, etc.  I could see Mark doing that once before counseling.

There was NOTHING to look at on the drive between Dallas and Chicago, and I mean freaking NOTHING.  And even though I was so very sick and lost my voice completely, I knew Mark wouldn't want me to go to sleep. I have to say, it was the worst road trip I've ever taken, hands down, bar none. We didn't have any fights, no cross words, got along, nothing bad happened, it was just miserable.

The flu is brutal this year.  If you haven't gotten it, lock yourself in your house and don't leave until spring!
Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Disaster Strikes!

This is terrible.  With two days to go to move yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat.  By the middle of the morning, it was full blown flu.  I felt awful, awful, awful!  Now we move tomorrow, and I'm still sick.  The things I need to move to Chicago won't magically move themselves into the SUV, so laying in bed being sick isn't an option.  It wasn't an option yesterday either, there were people in and out of the house all day long.  I took way too much flu medicine just to get through the day.  Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. But I'm miserable.

The realtor put the "For Sale" sign in our yard yesterday.  I don't know why, but Mark and I were quite excited about that and had to walk out with her to look at it.  The photographer came and took pictures of the house for marketing, the house looked awesome from all our work and the staging (and the contractors, carpet cleaners, window washers, etc. etc. etc.).  Everyone kept saying they would be surprised if it didn't sell soon, it's a beautiful house.  It does look like it great now, even Mark commented he would buy it, I would too, but...it is our house, ha!  I'll try to post some pictures when I get them of our first house together!  So sad to be leaving after 10 years.  This is the longest I've ever lived in once place.

There's something I *so* want to do before we move.  I want to knock on several neighbors doors and ask the questions of them that I've always wanted to know.  The two women that live together - are they lesbians? The family that had about 15 people living in one house and it seemed like they overtook the house next door - did they buy that person out? I haven't seen a man's wife in years, did she die? How much would the lady who has two geese that she dresses up for holidays take for them if she would sell them to me?  Of course there are the obvious questions - why don't you fertizlize so you don't get weeds in your yard idiot? I could go on and on about our speculations about our neighbors over the last 10 years!  Now that we're moving, we could just outright ask and not care what they thought! : )

We're pre-approved for a mortgage and have a realtor in Naperville, but homes are selling like hotcakes there.  Whenever I see a house I like, the next day someone has made an offer on it. The realtor said there is just a very low inventory right now. She must be right, because our realtor said she normally has about 20 and I know that with our house, she will now only have 5.  Different cities, but maybe a housing trend. She said it will probably pick up in the spring.

I have an appointment to enroll in school on Friday, and school starts on Monday.  That's cutting it SO CLOSE!  I really know nothing about this school.  The admission counselor has not been helpful at all, but it's really my only option.  Going into the city every day does not sound like fun, but...maybe I'll become a Chicago city girl. : )





Saturday, January 05, 2013

Getting Close!

I saw my psychiatrist for the last time until the move this week, and he was very generous and gave me prescriptions for an entire year so I could find a doctor in Chicago. It was sad leaving his office, I wanted to tell him how much he had helped me, hug him, something, but he's not an emotional guy.  I did tell him that he had "saved" me and he seemed genuinely happy about that, but it's hard to tell someone the huge impact they've had in your life.  I've been to the depths of depression hell so many times for him to lift me out quickly time and again.  He helped me get well when I met him and was suicidal in the hospital, how do you thank someone for that?  For working years and years and being patient and doing the research to find the right combination of meds - some just released on the market that no one else has heard of yet - to .get you stable?  There are no words.  I asked for a referral, and I'm not sure if this is an indication of who HE is or who *I* am, but he told me the clinical faculty at the University of Chicago. He's big on research, which I love because I was always on the cutting edge of medications when I needed a med change and I've tried just about everything out there. So it may be him - he's big into research - or it may be me - I need someone on the cutting edge because there's not much left I haven't tried.  Or both.  He indicated that before my very first appointment with a new doctor that they should have his records.  I don't know about that.  Shouldn't they get to know me first and THEN read his notes?  He seemed to think it should be the other way around. I can see why he would feel that way, that his analysis is the correct one of me and not one that I would portray or explain, and maybe that's right, I can't describe things that I wouldn't be currently feeling that he would have notated, at least to the extreme.  What analogy did he use?  I didn't follow, but something like telling someone you want a wall painted gray (his wall was gray in case you are wondering why he chose gray) - there are different colors of gray. Maybe I started talking over him because I don't remember the rest of the analogy.

So...four more days and we move to Chicago.  We have been so busy!  Getting the house ready to sell has taken a lot of our energy. Contractors constantly at the house, stagers, and we've done so much work! Mark is absolutely freaking out from anxiety while I'm excited to move.  Not looking forward to the cold, I think I'm going to hate, hate, hate that part, but happy to be back in the Midwest with Midwesterners instead of Texans. I've never felt like I fit in here. It does seem complicated to live there though - I have to get a parking pass just for the place I'm going to park my car to take the train to go to school, and they are on a first-come-first serve basis, which happen to go on sale my first day of school?  Or I can pay by the day, but I'd rather have a pass so I don't have to worry about having $1.25 in cash or whatever it is to park every day. And then a train pass, and I don't know what else.  Public transportation - yuck.

Mark did something nice - for the night we'll be stopping on our way from Dallas to Chicago, in St. Louis, he reserved a room at the Ritz Carlton.  I'm excited!  At least a little bit of luxury on the way!  He has points from his stays in Chicago during all his travels, but they are making us pay a $125 non-refundable pet deposit.  That's a little crazy!  That's like paying for a whole room just for Bailey!  Not at Ritz Carlton prices, but still!

We're only taking an SUV of things to Chicago with us since we're not moving our house to Chicago until our house sells, and it's going to be a struggle deciding what to take and what to leave.  I could fill up the SUV with just clothes and shoes! But of course there's Mark and the dog actually has quite a bit of things he needs. Mark wanted to rent a little U-Haul trailer but I just didn't want to do that. 

We start looking at houses in about two weeks in Chicago - I thought we'd start with the Naperville area.  From talking to people and searching the internet it seems like a nice area, except to people who are city die-hards, but suburbia people love it, and once I get there, I can check out other area.  We might have plenty of time, or we might not.  I have no idea how fast our home will sell.  One month or ten months, not a clue.

I hope to start school soon.  Hopefully nothing will hold me back, but they won't even answer the phone for me to schedule an appointment to enroll.  Hopefully Monday.

It's really weird to be doing things, out about in the city, in the house, running, and think "I'm not going to be here and this will all just be a memory soon."  It doesn't seem real yet.  Everything is so familiar and still seems like I'll be here forever.



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KansasSunflower
A bipolar girl trying to make sense of the world. Bipolar doesn't mean who I am, it just happens to be what I am, and does it really affect my day to day life? I'm trying to figure that out.
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