But here is the problem. I have practically zero tolerance to alcohol. I can drink light beer or perhaps two glasses of wine, and that is where I should stop. I'm not a drinker and don't understand the purpose of people drinking at home alone, although it does seem to calm Mark when he is going through one of his OCD phases (just one drink or two). He can't take anti-anxiety medication because he quickly develops an addiction to them and takes waaaaaay too many at once (learned the hard way!)
So yes, having a blast, loving everyone, laughing. A wife that has become a pretty good friend was sitting next to me and we usually like the same things to drink so she had suggested we split a bottle of wine. Great idea, I thought. But here's the thing! When you order a bottle, the waiter keeps coming by and filling your glass so I had no idea how much I had to drink. As far as I knew, because I was deep in conversation, could have been the same glass. No clue. I remember her saying at one point that we had drank the whole bottle, and Mark said I then started ordering single glasses. Totally do not remember that, but I remember I always had a glass of wine. I ordered dessert, and suddenly began feeling not so well. I also remember I had a full glass of wine, my friend's glass was almost empty, and I poured all of mine into her glass. Then I got up, didn't say a word to anyone, and headed to the bathroom. I knew what was coming. I opened the bathroom door and it hit. I had to hold my hand over my mouth and my cheeks must have looked like I was a chipmunk because I was trying to keep it in until I got to the stall. I just lost it - everything I ate in about 5 seconds. Of course I didn't throw up and magically feel better, I felt worse, just not sick to my stomach. It was a very nice restaurant so the restroom was very nice and super clean. I had run into the handicap stall and after getting sick, I just laid down on the hard, cold tile and stayed there - it felt good. It was less than 5 minutes, probably not even that long. Maybe 2? My friend came in and had me open the stall (she is the same friend that had to take care of me LAST time), then she found a chair for me to sit in, went and got Mark, and we left. Apparently the two had a conversation about how I have zero tolerance to alcohol and I will be sticking with something like light beer in the future. LOL. At least it happened at the end of dinner so I didn't completely ruin the night. I'm thinking back to everything I've been taking that could have intensified the alcohol. Just finished prednisone (steroid) for asthma, antibiotics , all my psychiatric medications - probably is best that I stick with something dumb like light beer. I will still have a blast, it is not the alcohol that let's me have fun. But I don't want to NOT drink, either. Seriously? This is CHICAGO! People drink, and really drink, here! I just can't keep up with them.
Haven't been to my psychiatrist in forever now but just made an appointment for next Tuesday. The receptionist also said the doctor would call in refills for what I am running low on right now. Very nice of them. I think I have now paid 4 missed appointment fees, ha! I've had 3 phone sessions with my therapist and she is so, so cool to do that for me. She really is awesome. It takes me awhile to trust someone, but I finally do her and just love her.
My assignment before next session is just to look in the school catalog and pick a few classes that might interest me and we'll talk about them. She said baby steps, we need to do baby steps right now. Breaking it down that way seems so easy, and she understands what a failure I feel like when I compare myself against people like Mark. I just feel like I'm sitting here rotting, everyone around me is being productive and making something out of their lives and I'm doing nothing, it seems like I must be the laziest person in the world. She said I was NOT lazy but forgot why she said that. Probably because I was too busy condemning myself for being lazy. : )
I've been freaking out over gaining weight and I haven't been able to run because there has ALWAYS been a ton of snow outside, so now that the weather seems to be warming up, I went to that diet clinic that basically gives anyone of any weight prescription appetite suppressants that wants them. I love that place, ha! I'm sure it's not ethical, but what woman who constantly battles weight wouldn't love a place like that?? I've never actually seen someone who looked anorexic there, or anyone super thin, so maybe it's actually not unethical. They do that heart test on me where they hook you up, I had to take in a blood test, they do take that part of it seriously, but I suppose that part of it is just saving their own butts from possibly getting sued, I don't know, I don't care. Just glad they are there and don't say "You're back AGAIN? We need to talk." : )
I feel really good, I think it's the weather. It was 50 yesterday and I honestly felt like we had moved to Hawaii! I even saw people in shorts. Hell yes, dude! It's 50, no more wind chills of -45 - -50! I don't think anyone can say they have truly lived until they have gone outside when the wind chill is -45. Not a pleasant experience, but why not experience everything, the good and the bad? : )
BUT, supposedly 4-8 inches of snow today and tomorrow, yuck. Hopefully it will warm back up and the snow will be gone as fast as it came.