Simple Enough Goals You Would Think

I just got over being sick, or at least am much better. Stupid asthma and bronchitis! My doctor put me on prednisone, a steroid. All the side effects he said I would have, it turned out to be completely opposite. He said I would feel cranked up, but I felt extremely weak. Not cranky like he said, but a bit more aggressive than normal. And these weird hot flash sensations. Not looking forward to menopause, that was uncomfortable!

My mood seems to be better. I took myself down from 80mg of Latuda to 40 because I was wondering if that had increased my appetite so drastically. I have probably gained 15-20 pounds now and really, really need to see my psychiatrist. I am running low on meds and she may be able to tell me what is up with being so hungry (besides my body perhaps wanting to store fat because I live in a cold tundra!!!)

I am still doing the phone sessions with my therapist because I still don't like to go anywhere. If I do,I have  to force myself and just go, no matter how I look just to get whatever necessary chore done.

We did go to dinner with some friends to a German restaurant that had a band and I had SUCH a blast! I haven't had that much fun in awhile.  I have two weekends of activities, dinners and parties the next two weekends and I'm dreading all of it. When I gain weight and can't fit into the clothes I want I feel so horrible about myself and ugly. I don't keep myself as we'll groomed as I normally do (keep salon appointments) which makes it that much worse.

Mark got contacted about a CIO position in Wisconsin and before he responded, he asked what I thought about it and if I would be okay moving. I don't care, nothing is keeping me here. I haven't even enrolled in school yet.  I have actually had a pretty tough time since moving here, but it has nothing to do with the location, at least I don't think so. Would I have been doing better had we never moved? Who knows what will come of the job in Wisconsin. I hate even thinking about it because then my life becomes a big unknown and I hate the feeling of instability.

My goals right now are get to the grocery store, make and keep an appointment with my psychiatrist, and try to have a good time at the upcoming events. Sounds so simple, yet each one is actually quite a hurdle.


susie said...

Go buy a flowy outfit at JJill until you feel comfortable.

Do you know what people from Wisconsin call people from Illinois?

FIBs. F*cking Illinois Bastards. Ask anyone. Haha.

Its beginning to thaw. Finally.

KansasSunflower said...

You are so right! I asked around about FIB's! Suse, I learn so much from you. : ) Yes, finally beginning to thaw just to get more snow today! Ugh!

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