Insecure

Don't think Mark got the job, mainly on going be what he said. There were 4 people who interviewed and 2 were called back which did not include Mark. I think he got very intimidated, thinking about who these people were and their accomplishments. But his recruiter asked that he not tell Mark other interviews were going on in case something happened with them, so he didn't totally blow it like he thought. I think it was extremely good experience interviewing for a role at this level. Next time, and I am certain there will be one, he'll know extreme anxiety is his biggest enemy. When it comes to anxiety, I really don't have any answers and lately, he seems to get angry and bitter if I try to help with anything he's going through. I feel like if I just listen and say nothing more than "I'm sorry you feel that way" or whatever, it seems like I don't actually care, but perhaps that is just my perception.

I'm still struggling with my weight. I was at 141.3 last Friday I think. So awful! Now Mark seems to be watching what I eat, even commenting on it which makes me so mad but he doesn't know it. I'm afraid I'm going to go off on him. I give myself enough pressure over weight without feeling like my husband is watching everything I put in my mouth! Why does he have to comment that *I* am out of tortilla chips (I eat the baked ones, he doesn't). Why can't he say there are crumbs on the kitchen floor instead of "it looks like someone was eating chips over the counter".  I feel like they are digs, and him reminding me that I shouldn't be eating the way I suppose he fears I am. He also thinks that Seroquel and Trazadone are exactly alike, I will eat like I did on Seroquel, but the Seroquel thing is really far out there. Why can't he just let me be unless he sees a noticeable weight gain and is convinced I've given up? I would be running right now which would probably prove something to him, but I just had my gallbladder out a few weeks ago!

I feel so insecure, I don't measure up to anyone's expectations, and I just stay home all day. But I am slowly doing more around the house every day, especially since I'm starting to feel better from my surgery. I have more energy and am now getting bored of being at home all the time. I start school in June and I'm so ready to start this new chapter in my life.

No comments:

Back to Top