I'm getting discouraged. It feels like I'm not losing weight even though I am taking Phentermine. I thought I had only lost, best case scenario, 7 pounds when I went to get my monthly refill, but their scale said I had lost 12. From 154 to 142. I don't know whose scale is wrong.
Mark has been working towards getting this CIO position. I have to admit, I think about it a lot, too much. I will be disappointed if he doesn't get it but I'm not so selfish to think only of myself. My first concern is Mark, how he will take it. Hopefully he will get it but I don't know. Seems like a big leap and such a surreal position, not that he wouldn't kick butt at it. I just keep wondering what, if anything, is expected from the wife of a CIO? Double salary and bonus would be so very huge. It doesn't seem like that happens in real life, although Mark is the hardest worker and probably smartest person with the most ambition I have ever known. Just wish I could stop thinking about it! It excites me and I don't want to be because I don't want to be disappointed! Wow, I have no self esteem if I get so anxious about a career that is not even my own. I am getting pretty mad at myself over it. Why am I setting myself up for disappointment when I am not even the one who is going out on a limb? I so wish I was more like him. I am so scared of failure.
I may be back to not wanting to go anywhere again. This time I think it may have to do with how I feel about my appearance. My weight, my clothes not fitting, etc. I am at a loss about this. I am afraid to bring it up to my therapist.
And I so am not looking forward to being disappointed over Mark's job prospect. Why can't I stop thinking about it and how our lives might change? I hate it!!!!