Drama every where I go, and depression as always

I have no idea what is I wrong with me.  Each day now, seems like it is worse in the afternoon, I've been getting pretty low, down, I guess depressed.  I want to be cautious with that word because so many times now it doesn't seem like I'm depressed then I'm told that I am.  I was doing all of these non-normal things and didn't know why but wanted to change myself, yet depression never entered my mind.  So NOW that I think I am getting depressed, with no idea why, I hesitate to use that word.

Nothing bad is going on in my life.  My husband supports my new small business venture.  I made this awesome new friend when I took Bailey to the dog park last week.  She is so very nice and just moved here less than a year ago so it is fun talking about our impressions of how things are different and strange here.  I don't see how anyone could NOT like her.  Incredibly pleasant and adorable yet...I find her asking me to do stuff every single day, even multiple times a day and I am really just slowly venturing out on making friends in general, not just Chicago.  I'm quite hesitant to get that close to a friend and feel...attached to them, care a lot about them.  I haven't had a best friend in what seems decades.  She really is the nicest person I've met since I've been here.  We've been to lunch, had such a fun time, we've started running together and plan to do a 5 week in 6 weeks.  She's a great influence on me.  Very much what I need right now - a totally genuine person.

My other friend....my neighbor.  Wow, what can I say about her.  I don't know that my life has ever been quite as messy as hers is now.  She has a total jerk for a husband, I mean rating up there in the 99 percentile of jerks for husbands.  He had changed jobs and had taken a job as a CEO in California, where he promptly packed up his things in his car, drove there, and left her.  There are always two sides to every story but...the side against him is documented.  Lots and lots of horror stories from her before today and she told me what happened to him.  Cheated on her many times and such awful emotional abuse.  Yet she wanted to reunite with him so badly, was very depressed, but neither her therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist nor I could convince her to let him go.  And I only suggested it - it is not my place to TELL her what to do but to comfort her in my opinion.  Nurture my friends, you know?  No judgement - that is what I would want from a friend.

But TODAY, oh my.  Oh my my!  She had mentioned he had been fired from his CEO job with 9 pages of complaints, reasons, whatever you want to call them from the job he took in late December/early January.  Weird to me, because wouldn't he have had to be an exemplary employee to work his way up the ladder to eventually take a job as a CEO at a global company (although just the CEO of the US branch).  I've always thought he was a slimy, creepy man from day one when I met him, before I was friends with his wife.  It is incredibly, incredibly rare for me to feel this, either I don't pick up on it or it sincerely rarely happens, but it was like he was lusting for me in front of me.  I have no idea what it was that he did, I just really wanted him to go back to his house as soon as possible. It's like it was implied, and this is so weird because no words were spoken, but if I was into him, he was up for it.  How can that be, why did I feel he thought that?  There was something he did but I can't put my finger on it to this day.  TOTAL stranger, but I digress.  Mark knows though - I told him at the time he was creepy.

She told me today that he had been fired, the 9 pages written up of reasons, was for sexual harassment, the company found nude pictures of him on their network, inappropriate things on his social media (hey- he took the job knowing he was representing a company, that's the deal), embezzlement of money I guess on his company card and who knows what else!  Seems like a lot of it was sexual in nature, perhaps sex with women at work, but I don't exactly remember that part.

Her main concern is health insurance - she doesn't understand COBRA. He told her he is a sex addict.  I asked her how did he get diagnosed?  This is the CRAZIEST part to me and she totally buys it.  He said he took an online test and had every single one of the symptoms.  So now she wants me to suggest a rehab clinic for him in California for sexual addicts.  WHOA WHOA WHOA!  #1 Yes, he is creepy, but a doctor has not given him a diagnosis. #2 Why would she ask ME of a referral to a sex rehab center in California?  WTF? #3 A million things could go here, or I could keep numbering them, but I am still processing the info myself.

So obviously she is trying to help him get help.  He asked if he could move his stuff home meaning move home I assume, and I was quite surprised she told him no.  She has been pining for him for a year.  But here is the idiotic part.  He WANTED to get his things out of storage, but his live in girlfriend had the key to the storage.  It's like I can't even believe these things happen, in real life, to people I know.

I'm sure there is more but blah, even Mark, who cares less about gossip, news, anything that is not car or work related, just HAD to find out what happened to get him fired.  We already knew it was horrible things, I was just surprised Mark actually cared about it.

Still working on my little business, trying to stay positive, but it is hard.  I sincerely feel like a failure in every facet of my life.  Here I am, 46, and I have failed at everything.  I don't see hope in anything at all except God, I never lose hope there.  But I don't think he can pull me up right now.  Maybe He is not ready to, there is a lesson to be learned.  I think learning a lesson from depression or misery is a bunch of crap.  I don't think He would punish me for me to learn something, yet I don't understand why there is pain and misery in the world at all.

Oh - Mark started medication - Luvox.  Had never heard of it nor taken it.  He seems better but he gets very nauseous.  Everyone has a side effect, or two, or more, that they simply refuse to tolerate.  That would be high on my list.  Him?  He is suffering through it until his next visit which is pretty soon.  To each his own!  Sounds pretty desperate to get better!

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