I have been thinking about this for weeks, but it has been really, really been bothering me this week. Our marriage counselor. I am so, so annoyed and maybe angry with her? It has absolutely nothing what you would think it would be. No, she is not being unfair to me about our relationship when we are talking about it. It has nothing to do with our marriage at all.
I just find her to be one of the most inconsiderate people, and as a therapist, wow. Okay, now my mind is thinking back - she is hardly the most inconsiderate person I know, but what a horrible therapist.
Last session, like she has been for several sessions, she went ON and ON about shopping at a butcher. SHUT UP ALREADY! Oh my God, what the hell do I care that you think meat is so much greater at a f'ing butcher? Great - so your husband has a new hobby "smoking meat" for hours and likes meat from the butcher, it is his new hobby. When she was talking about the fucking butcher again and just asked straight out why I didn't get my meat from a butcher, I finally just said I did not like meat, I had been a vegetarian for over a year in the past, and I could care less where I bought meat. For me, I cannot imagine making a special trip for meat. Seems like she just sighed and looked annoyed, but finally shut the hell up about the fucking butcher.
Sorry about the cursing - I do not talk like that in real life but it feels better to add the appropriate emphasis.
She interrupts me constantly. WHAT THE HELL? She is PAID to listen to us, not US paid to listen to HER. She was once looking at her phone, thinking SHE would find places for us to go, when she really does not know what we like to do. She discovered she did not have her reading glasses, left the room to go to her car to grab a pair she keeps there, came back, had to tear off the packaging, then got back on her phone with part of the cardboard still on the glasses.
Do you even KNOW how annoying it is to sit there while someone looks on their phone saying "Would you like this?" What about this?" We can do that at home ourselves. What a HORRIBLE waste of time.
I cleaned my studio and arranged everything the way I wanted and am SO proud of what I did, how it looks, how it is arranged and of myself. She did not even ask me, but asked for MARK'S approval of it. Oh my God, thinking of it is going to make me cry. I do *not* need Mark's validation for my own space - like when she said "See? Mark think you did a good job". Who the fuck cares? It is MY space. THEN, she decided Mark should go into my space to help me arrange it. WTF. I LIKE how it is.
She asked Mark "Do you think if she goes in there and sees her materials arranged that is makes her more creative?" I thought I was going to lose it. He is not creative in that way. She asked like she was looking for his advice, and she does think highly of him and his advice, she has made that clear. She asks him about things. I was highly irritated. So irritated I spoke up. "How would HE know? Why are you asking HIM? And why would it matter if he thought it made me more creative?"
Mark is a numbers guy. Yes, I actually said - would you ask me my opinion about adding another row to a column to help with a final total? (I actually have no idea what he does with numbers - but the idea was similar to me)
I tried to get her to stop talking about rearranging my studio because I LIKE IT, and said I might find ways I like better as I am working in it because she kept talking about it, but again, I said I loved the way it was.
So she decided, even though neither of us said anything about it, that our project for the week was to look at my studio and think of ways to organize it better - have a project together. I thought I had been pretty clear - but she should have ASKED me first if I even wanted that, it is my studio after all - my space.
I was so, so, so pissed when I was leaving, as she had just said that. I actually said "Why would say that when I do not need it - I like how it is and it is working and saving me time? How would he know what sparks my creativity". I cannot remember what she said, but her eye twitched. I have never seen that before, so she could be just as annoyed as me.
It has come to a point that I feel so much irritation to her that it is hard to contain during our sessions. She goes on and on and on about things like "probiotics", her weight loss and what she wears to get weighed, the competition between her and her husband to lose weight, so many things. It is not just me, Mark will say "I wonder what she needs us to help her with today?" on our way to sessions.
Mark told her he asked our doctor about probiotics, and he said he did not want him taking them - they did not work. She finally shut up about it, though not completely. I was amazed, neither of us are ever that bold, but our doctor did say that - he had showed me written directions to an issue he saw him about and had circled "No Probiotics", without Mark even asking about them, it for emphasis. He was simply telling the truth.
Not only that, but I feel so insulted by her. Not only does she insult me, but she really does not know me anymore. She TELLS me how I feel instead of asking me. She has not been my individual therapist for a lot longer than a year. She will do the same to Mark, but when I know she is wrong, I will speak up. She used to be his individual therapist too, awhile back. The difference between us is he will just agree even though she is wrong. She'll say "he feels that because..." and goes on some crazy tangent. When she is finished, I'll say "No, he does not feel that way. He feels x." Then she'll say Mark, how do you feel? And he'll say, my wife is right, I feel that way because..and THEN he will talk about why he feels that way.
WHY did it not start with what she said to "settle the argument"? "Mark, how do you feel?"
That is exactly what it is. An hour long push-pull argument every Saturday. Right now, she is not on any kind of favorite list I would ever have.
I see my psychiatrist/therapist next week (but not before our marriage appointment) and will talk to her about it then.