Hoping Things Happen In 3's Is A Myth

What a week!  I have been needing to write for some time, but never more than this morning.  I need to get this out and hopefully get some of it off of my mind.  Writing helps with that so much!

I am hoping it is not always true that bad things happen in 3's.  I text my psychiatrist/therapist sometimes, and she promises me that things do not happen in 3's.

Some background...I missed about a year being locked out of my blog.

I had a bad car accident last summer.

I cannot remember the date, but according to paperwork, it was in July 2015.  It was my fault.  I was at a stop sign, in front of a highway-type of road in front of me going left and right.  There was no road going through for me to go straight, just left or right.  They did not stop - like I said, it is a highway of sorts, but not as high speed as a highway.

I was turning left and misjudged the speed of the car coming from the left.  It hit me pretty much right on drivers side (the impact I think was exactly where I was sitting).  It was ugly.  Lots of emergency vehicles, people stopping to help, others jumping out of their cars to proclaim they were some sort of medical personnel and asking if everyone was ok and if anyone needed help, a big fiasco.  I remember feeling absolutely humiliated.  This was after the crash, the air bags, the realization I was alive, and people helping me out of the passengers side, constantly asking if I was okay.

For some crazy reason, yes, basically, I was.  I walked out of the car shaken and I am sure in absolute shock, but okay except for not being able to do anything with my right hand.  That was so bizarre.  Compared to the OTHER driver though, I did not have the nerve to even ask for assistance or guidance as to what was wrong with my hand.  The man in the other car was being lifted out of his car by paramedics, something being done while on a gurney on the street, then taken away in an ambulance.

Since it was my fault, I was asked to sign things, tickets, not sure what else.  I write with my right hand and could not sign anything.  The police officers kept urging me to seek medical help, over and over (I mean, the wreck was pretty bad), but I wanted to get the hell out of there.

From the ticket, I had the the other driver's name, knew what hospital he was sent to, and called every day for several days.  Of course they wouldn't give me details, but at least I knew how long he stayed and when he checked out.  He stayed for several days.

I believe I had severe pain several weeks after the accident.  It was on the same side of my body that my hand would not work at the accident.  I did not go to the doctor - again, that stubbornness.  Maybe I felt that I deserved it, I am not sure.

Although I am the absolute worst at diagnosing myself, sciatic pain after a car accident fit my symptoms perfectly.  I could barely walk without severe pain for 3 weeks.  There was a place on my lower back that would shoot horrendous pain if I moved the wrong way.  I called my doctor several times, always prefacing that I could not come in, and I was doing the right thing as far as home remedies.  Besides, the internet said the best thing was rest (and heating pads, etc.)

It finally went away, completely, but recently weird things are happening with that leg again.  Knee pain and swelling when I use our stairs to often and too fast.  I have a physical next week and I guess it is time for me just to spill the beans, whether or not I deserve my pain.

Okay, so that is now documented.

As far as our cars - his was totalled.  I did see  his car and the front, where he hit me, was completely crushed in to around where the driver sits.  This was over a year ago, I was probably in shock, so I cannot really say for sure.  At any rate, his car was totaled.

I drive a Range Rover, and my auto insurance would not total my car.  The repairs were almost $30k.  And about 4 months, with a very, extremely rare occurrence of losing my temper with a service person that surprisingly scared him into overdrive.  To put that into perspective, my voice is extremely feminine, soft, and uppity - it is something I cannot help.  Mark is the tough guy - he is the jackass that gets people going when we receive poor service, but he could not get this guy to react on my Range Rover.  When he told me that, I was shocked.  That never happens.

The car rental service that our insurance would pay for had expired because of the amount of time it was taking Range Rover to repair my car.

I called him, determined to be tough, but not sure I could do it.  I am programmed to be understanding, not demanding, although understanding and demanding I can do.  However, he said something that absolutely set me off.  I remember his exact words: "You do not understand.  You have no idea how bad this car was wrecked when we received it."  Wow.  I have no idea how long I went off.

I won't go into details, too long, but he absolutely sprung into action, offered (yes, he offered) to pay for my rental until my car was finished being repaired, and started calling me with regular updates. It was weird how this initial laissez faire man sprung into overdrive.

OKAY!  So, now.  my current problems, and by the way, I now have a headache rehashing that.  I hate thinking about it and try not to.  Not pleasant memories so this will come as no surprise that I did not take what happened yesterday well at all.

I knew that the man that I hit (that hit me?) had big medical bills adding up.  Our insurance company told us when they were getting close to exceeding our $100k liability limit.  They said they planned to attempt to settle with him for $100k, and that was the last I heard.

Yesterday I was served with a civil suit from the man.  By the way, he is about 75.  I do not even want to write about it.  I was so upset, still am, cannot think about it too much.  My friend asked if I had considered that he realized I was driving a Ranger Rover and saw dollar signs.  No, those things do not occur to me.  The vast majority of the time, it does not occur to me that people try to be deceptive, although...strangely enough, one time someone did file fraudelent auto accident injury claims against me.  They even showed up to court wearing a neck brack and crutches.  I had an excellent insurance agent who figured everything out and it was thrown out.  Thank God.  I was beyond furious - I took it very personal.

I just cannot imagine that this time.  A 75 year old man?  This time he is suing me, personally, although the insurance company said let them take care of it, although they have not said I will not be liable for anything.  I fucked up.  It only takes a split second - a totally innocent mistake - and your life can be ruined, and you can ruin a life.

I have to move on.  The amount of time and torture I have put upon myself already about this is unreal.  The horrible thing now is that Mark does not deserve to be punished for this.  What if we lose everything?  What if we have to declare bankruptcy?  People say it will be ok, but they do not know.  Why?  Because things like that do not normally happen?  But they do happen to people, so why not me?

So that was yesterday morning, and I struggled with it all day.  Seriously though, being served a civil suit, to me, is pretty serious and a day of emotional struggling does not seem abnormal.  Call me crazy if it is.  Technically, you would be right.

I got up this morning, and like I normally do, I checked the balance online of my business checking account.  I saw it was in the red, and as I had just woken up, struggled to read the transactions to see what had happened.  As I was reading them, I was not quite comprehending them, and thinking I must have made a few that I could not remember, and then I saw the most bizarre transaction.  $137 had been spent at Taco Bell in Chicago.  Something like that will wake you right the hell up!

There were only a few transactions, but obviously not mine.  I was absolutely shaken, although I know these things are not an uncommon occurrence.  ItI just feels like such a violation, and of course, someone stole from me, but I did not know how so how would I know what else they had access to?

I may have been shaking when I called the bank at around 6 this morning.  I feel silly for letting it shake me up so bad, Mark had already told me I would be reimbursed, but it was more than that.  I have not even processed it enough yet to know what the "more than" is that bothers me.  

She was very kind even though I asked her SO many questions.  I wanted to know the TIME the transactions were made (first was at 10:30 last night so I caught it quick at least), was it online - no, they had a physical card made and the transactions were in person.  If I had my debit card, how did they get my card info?  She gave me scenarios - like devices on gas pumps, the internet, etc.  One mistake I have made is that since getting my new laptop in August, I have not put antivirus software on it yet, so am about to do that.  I feel like an idiot not doing that.

AND...SO FREAKING behind on orders.  I would like to say I am trying my best, but the only thing I am working on is my emotions with it.  I will do my best today.

Seriously, I am going through a crash course of bad things happening on a daily basis and learning to deal with them, right now I am not curled into a fetal position in bed, so...perhaps I should take that one small thing as a victory for now.  Really, what else have I got to hold on as a victory at this point?









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