Got back from Dallas last night - had a good (dare I say great?) trip! Only big mishap was a stupid medication interaction I had. Imitrex (only 1/8th of a pill!) with Dramamine, the original formula, not the less drowsy kind. I was at Mark's parents house in the spare bedroom asleep during Thanksgiving dinner. No complaints really, I do not miss what I have no idea may or may not have happened. My brother in law's girlfriend made a nice little plate for me (I guess no one else thought to do that??), and everyone understood about my sleeping.
I told Mark's mother, a retired nurse, what I had done with the medication that I was so surprised had made me so sleepy. When I woke up, she had looked in some of kind of drug book she had and told me why it had made me so sleepy, but that my reaction was not normal and I should not take dramamine again. Mark had filled her in that I always needed at least the rest of the day if not longer to recover after taking it.
No big deal - I should have remember the ear patches for motion sickness,
It was good to see Mark's family. I really like all of them now, when I used to be so uncomfortable and absolutely hate his family gatherings. I even skipped some, staying home even though we lived in DFW along with them.
His sister and I had a "spa day" the day after Thanksgiving, and it was SO relaxing. I suggested we make it a tradition from now on.
I have decided she is very like Mark. She has this personality I love through text - it seems so outgoing with exclamation points and lots of emojis. But when I am with both in person, that is not them at all. They are not outgoing like their texts, they are introverted although his sister less so, yet it seems more so since I know her less. It is so hard to describe.
His sister in law (married to his brother) came over, everyone assumes it was just to see Mark and I, not them, and I think by Mark and I, they really mean so his sister in law could see me because we absolutely adore each other. I could talk and talk to her - she is SO warm and friendly and loving, and I sat between her and my teenage niece and we chatted up a storm. I felt so loved nestled between them - it was very genuine and my adoration is real love for them and feels so warm and good. I do not let people in like that nor do people make me feel they way they do hardly ever. It was SO SO nice to feel that way. I will cherish the time I spent with them this Thanksgiving for a long time, although it was short.
Yes, I do know that his sister in law does not like anyone else in Mark's family besides us. She especially, especially despises their mother who tries so hard to get along, but my sister in law will not really even acknowledge her presence, even though she is in her house. There is a history, and she and I have bonded over certain things because we are the only sisters in law. Neither of us like that our husbands went through certain things and do not understand it, the continued pain they go through - not easy to watch. There is no one else for us to talk to about many things concerning the family - mainly the parents.
For me, it is WAY more than that though. She is my only ally when it comes to certain things. I can say - what the F is the deal with the parents?!? Why do they DO that and does it drive you NUTS too? And she is the ONLY one in the entire world who GETS IT! haha! : )
But about the sister in law and his family, sure, the other family members (even Mark!) can tell me about how much she (because her husband, their brother is, in my opinion, a better actor around them in pretending everything is okay when it comes to them) hurts them when she treats their mother a certain way. OMG their mother is not a piece of china and the victim all of the time. Hello? Remember childhood Mark, where YOU are the victim of your parents?
So his mother cries, while all can see but his sister in law because I was with her and I did not see it. Not because of anything she did but because of what she does NOT do. Yet I totally get it and really do not care if they do or do not and do not judge her. Of course I wish we all got along and she could just act like everyone else, but I also admire like HELL that she is not that kind of person.
There is nothing more refreshing to me than genuine people. I simply could never have enough people around me that I do not have to wonder or worry what they think of me because they are not faking their feelings - about me or about themselves. The more fake I perceive someone to be, the more I dislike them. I generally like everyone, but THOSE people - and surely everyone knows who I mean - who you can tell right away are fake, usually because they want something from someone or have ulterior motives - I cannot stand and avoid being around. Eventually I find myself in a worthless fake conversation with them that I can hardly fake my own smile and I am sure look of distaste on my face. And that is SOOOOO not like me at ALL.
I am a such a people pleaser - but not to a fake people pleaser. My God, be genuine in wanting to make people happy. Like, who doesn't feel good when you make someone else feel better than they did when you first started talking to them? So many genuine, real things to talk about. I hate fake people. Have I said how much I loathe fake people?
Because I get along so well with Mark's sister and she did say something like "I don't know what I ever did to HER" to me, I did speak up a bit for her. However, I did not want to share anything she told me in confidence. I never talk about either of them to the other, and I can tell they make a point not to talk about the other to me as well. Now I am unsure I did, but I do not think it was anything critical.
I simply said - your sister-in-law is not totally to blame in this. She is very protective of her husband (which is her brother). I told his sister that I have no idea what happened or what her brother told his wife, but I know she is not happy about it, she is not being mean for no reason or something petty. But again, I do not know 100% of everything, so it came across as perhaps... I did ask - do you have any idea what your brother could be so hurt about that he would have told her her that it seems like she finds it hard to forgive? (Knowing full well his sister will never say this to his mother - cry = fragile china = victim = family rallies behind her)
So although Mark and his sister were pissed that their sister in law "made their mother cry" by snubbing her, when I later asked them this (separately), they did admit, quite dumbfounded - that during the tumultuous time when they admitted Paul was having problems, neither have any idea what their parents could have done. They have no memory of it, just that it was a hard time between their parents and brother. I truly wanted to know - what in the world did their parents do to their brother that would have made my sister in law so angry and unforgiving?
They are both quite a bit younger than their brother - 6 or more years? so I had a good idea they would have no idea.
I am not saying my sister in law is right, but I do not know what happened, I do not like quite a few things that happened to my own husband though I do realize no parent is perfect and almost all parents fuck up their children in some way. While I do not know what happened to their brother, and I do realize that no matter what has happened to someone, their pain is real, just as real as mine is about my own childhood. That has taken awhile to sink in - that I need to allow my husband to have his pain about his childhood. For the longest time, I thought he was a big crybaby to complain, spoiled even. He sure did live a cozy childhood when I compare it to my own hellish nightmare of an existence. I wanted to "throw him to the wolves" of my childhood for awhile to see what a painful childhood and painful childhood memories was all about.
But...now I realize...he does not have that reference in his mind, does not have that experience. His pain and what was hell to him is real. Does not mean it does make him seem like a pussy to me.
Yes, I know, empathy is "supposed" to be one of my biggest strengths". But come on, seriously people? However..they are still together, meeting for the holidays.
Wish I could stay the same, that I was meeting with my family, ick - would have to cross a few names off though. In blood. Their blood. That I have cut from their finger with a sharp razor blade in a single, painful slice.
They could then be provided with a small band-aid to stop the bleeding of the finger cut, but not by me. I would designate someone in another room where I would not see comfort for them of any kind.
LOLOL. So evil yet fun to write. HAHA.
Yes, pleasant Thanksgiving. Hope everyone did as well! : )