Election Anxiety - Feel Like I Will Vomit

It is Thursday, November 3rd, 5 days from the presidential election.  I cannot avoid the ads that come without warning on television, the news articles when I just want to check the weather, it is everywhere, the autoplay videos.

The "doom and gloom" messages from the candidates - not only what they are saying but mostly the WAY they are saying it makes me so, so anxious.  I do not mean garden variety anxiety, which is still awful.  I am talking about a Hillary commercial out of the blue when I am watching Cubbie news (I am in Illinois, so yes, it will most likely be Hillary but it does not matter which candidate), and I pause the tv as soon as I recognize it, but that is enough.

It is SO bad, I literally feel like I will vomit at any moment.  That gagging reflex starts right before you throw up but I do not actually do it.  I do experience what *I* consider to be a high amount of anxiety on a consistent basis, but this is really, really bad even for me.

My anxiety medication simply is just not enough, not for this level of anxiety.

I sent my psychiatrist a text - okay, a series of long texts.  Anxiety does that to me.  Anyway, she actually said that it is common right now, many people are experiencing extreme anxiety over the election.  She said if the election was not on Tuesday, she would be more concerned, but after Tuesday hopefully I will feel better.

I did my own research, because I thought I was the only one, and lo and behold, found this:

American Psychological Association - 2016 Election Stress

Over 50% of Americans (back in the beginning of October) was experiencing somewhat or very significant stress over the election.  And I am assuming these are "NORMAL" people (meaning they do not have anxiety disorders).

OMG - AGAIN with Trump and Hillary on TV?  My stomach is now in my throat.

So...guess I will suffer until Tuesday (or Wednesday morning), and cross my fingers it goes away.

I am doing what I can, but I can't exactly sit in the closet with the door shut and lights off until then.  Try to avoid it completely?  You can't, and I am really trying but it seems impossible.  I was dumb enough to think that living in the Chicago 'burbs I could actually watch the local news today - the day after the Cubbies won the World Series.  And yes, that is pretty much all they talk about, but then suddenly they cut away to Trump and Hillary, of course without warning.

I have wreaths to make, things to do, and I sit here, after taking klonipin, feeling like I am going to vomit from anxiety.  It is simply torture.

WHY?  WHY do they have to use scare tactics?  Why do they have to try to make us believe the world will end - or the country is doomed - if the other candidate wins?  I should not buy into it, yet at the same time, both are pretty damned evil in my opinion.

I do not mean to offend anyone, but maybe that contributes to my anxiety.  Both are awful, despicable people.  I *do* feel like the country will go to hell in a hand basket no matter who is elected.  I do pretty much believe the horrible things both of them say about the other.  A lot of it, on both sides, is even documented, they are not simply lies made up to smear the other candidate.

Or maybe that is my anxiety talking to me in my head, who knows what to believe, what I should believe, what is real, what is not.  How do the American people even know what to believe?  They may believe one thing, only to find out later it is not true, and that is my whole thing.  I am a cynic about 100% of everything I hear and see, it makes me mad, but mostly, it makes me feel so sick and anxious.

I will be okay if I can keep my mind off of it.  I will do my best.  I do have a personal twitter account (aside from my business) and deleted any accounts at all remotely political, even the weather account.  Removed anything remotely political from facebook, unfollowed anyone that I have not already unfollowed on facebook that even might say anything vaguely political.  The election is only a few days away anyway.  But some people I unfollowed so long ago because of the election, I may forget to follow them back.  I guess if I do not remember, they are not so important to me anyway.

I will stick to streaming tv shows and movies without commercials, stay away from news websites, but you know.  I DO get curious.  I will want to look at the polls.  I will want to check up on the FBI probe.

However, my mental health has to come first.  This is positive self talk by the way - things I am HOPING to do, I am not perfect, this is my creating a plan, and I think externally.  I hope to stick to it, but I do not know - I will do my best is all I can say.

For my mental health, would it be better if I did not vote?  Ugh there goes the flip flop of my stomach.  Back to feeling like I am going to vomit.

I paused the tv, it showing both of them.  Hillary with her smile and thumbs up, Trump and his hat.  I can only imagine what they are saying.  Whatever it is, I know it goes right to the heart of my illness.

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