Kanye and Mentally Ill Creative Artists

Looking back, I always knew there was something about Kanye that...made him very impulsive with his emotions and at times using poor judgment because of it.  I never thought much about it, about his being mentally ill, although now I see the signs were there.

Who analyzes people for mental illness for absolutely no good reason in their daily lives?  That sounds depressing and way too much focus on other's behavior.  I would rather shrug it off as "well, that was certainly weird".  I can't save the world or judge others, let alone be some weirdo trying to warn Kanye he is mentally ill.

Yet, again, looking back from years ago, the impulsive things he said and did, I can't think of any that weren't really incorrect in what he said, it was more very shocking in the way he did it.  The message he was conveying was met with horror because of the method of his delivery.

Yet - I do not know how long it has been going on, but he has been IMMENSELY creative in so many areas!  Before he was admitted to the hospital, I wondered how he was doing it.  So many ideas on such a grand scale, things no one had done before nor thought of previously.

One thing always bothered me about him though and I did not understand why no one said much about it.  Everything else I shrugged off as personality and talent, but this one thing, just this one thing I could not understand.

He talked about himself like...he was some sort of God.  He was THE best, THE original, THE all knowing, all everything....I mean really - Yeezus?  Who else does that without people around them saying hey - you have to know (not saying because of "Yeezus") that you are not a God, right?

I do not know enough about personality disorders, but I just assumed that is what it was.  He must be a narcissist or another personality disorder that fits how he thinks of himself.

That could still be true, right?  Or could he have had grandiosity from mental illness ALL OF THIS TIME?

How would I even know - I have no clue what "normal" is and if it even exists or is something elusive that no one ever achieves.

That part did not seem like an act, he always seemed sincere to me, so passionate about many, many things.

I really, really worry about him.  While yes, I am sure he has plenty of people who are concerned about him, I also see that there are a LOT of haters and poisonous people out there towards him.

One of my biggest concerns for Kanye, because I do think he is absolutely a creative genius, is that like all of us with mental illness who are creative he will be put on medication that may stifle it.  Sure, doctors will say "oh no, your creativity shouldn't change".  Bullshit.

Does that person feel more stable?  Better?  Less extreme highs and lows?  There goes a chunk of creative inspiration.  For me, my best and most original creativity comes from intense, overwhelming pain, giddiness, that annoying agitation/irritation, or whatever extreme feeling I have at that moment.  Take those away, give me blah which psychiatrists INSIST I do not have the "blahs", and sure, I am so much less inspired.

However, different feelings, for me, lend itself to different forms of creativity.  Depression forces me inward, and I find myself reflecting and writing.  I express happiness outwardly with making anything and everything beautiful around me, I love making things like extravagant home decor projects and of course my wreaths.  Agitation?  Ha, definitely creative, probably the most original ideas I ever have, and also the most impulsive I get until I recognize it as hypomania.  I very rarely get this way, but it is so intense, it would be fascinating to somehow harness that creative energy during this time as it is so strong.  Not sure how to focus my mind though, it rarely happens and does not last long.

I watched a video of an extremely, extremely talented painter who was agitated yet so very passionate.  FYI:  No idea if he is mentally ill - I assume he is not, but whatever it is he has, I crave it, yet I have a feeling it comes with something not so comfortable.  Anyway, I loved every second of the short clip he talked about his work, his life, and I wanted the painting he was working on so badly.  Agitated and passionate - this is what one person does in that mental state.  His political views do not represent my own and is not why I am posting the link (for myself so I can find it later!), but because his creative energy that drives him is very inspirational to me.

This guys paints American flags and doesn't give a FUCK.

In NO way am I comparing myself to someone like Kanye, only that I think it is such a lie that medication does not take away someones creativity when a big part of being inspired comes from intense emotion.

People simply still do not understand mental illness.  When I thought back and started putting all of the puzzle pieces together, I was astounded that I had not seen what was so obvious, but like I said, I do not make a point of doing that.  Sure, sometimes someone does something that smacks you in the face.

I remember years ago watching Robin Williams on a talk show being the comedic genius that he was.  He could go from one topic to another so quickly and talking so rapidly that I had to really pay attention.  That's when it hit me - oh my gosh, he may actually have to be in some sort of hypomania to do this.  The pressured speech, the pacing, it was all there.  Yes, he was hysterical and I was laughing so hard, but at the same time...people love being around me when I am hypomanic - the life of the party.  Fun, talkative, doing unexpected and outlandish things - very similar.

I do sometimes find the words in songs to describe exactly how I feel, the out of control feeling, wondering why I am the way I am.  Billy Joel has a song called "I Don't Know Why I Go To Extremes" that is PERFECT for how I feel with my moods being, and oh my gosh I hate this, but "unacceptable to society" too high and too low.

I was watching a concert of his yesterday, and he played a song that he said was from an old album.  He said the song he had written had been in no way a hit, but he wanted to "play it for all of the manic depressives out there".

I KNEW it!  I am not glad for him that he/if he has bipolar disorder, but it explains everything.

Billy Joel - I Go To Extremes




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